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Okay, I realize this may sound immature but its been difficult. My motherinlaw is now in hospice. I am a nurse myself and have offered help when I can. I have a sisterinlaw who has been very involved in decisions, calling doctors, etc. My spouse is the one presently assigned control of his parents finances, his father has the legal control of health decisions. My spouse and his brother work with their father to help make joint decisions but my sisterinlaw interjects her what she believes the doctors are advising. As a nurse, it was my understanding that the doctors were only to be talking to a blood, directed relative. That was assigned as my fatherinlaw and then my husband. My husband has been overwhelmed so he has been listening to my sisterinlaw, and now my sisterinlaw left me a voice message on my cell to not talk about certain things with my motherinlaw. I now this situations always bring about a high level of emotions, but since I've never quite felt like my motherinlaw has ever accepted me, here was a chance to help at least for her last days. Closure if you will. Am now afraid to say anything or do anything. God bless!!!!

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Is the sister-in-law your husband's sister? Or is she your husband's brother's wife?

Doctors talk to whomever is the medical Power of Attorney,  who doesn't need to be a blood relative.
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Sandy; I SO understand that, having not been accepted all along, you want to provide loving care and information at this difficult time. Unfortunately, it probably won't be seen that way by this family, who does not appear to be open to what you are saying.

Stand by and be supportive; provide information if you are asked for it. But mostly, just support your husband.
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Hi Sandy, emotions do run high in these situations! When I held a family meeting (I was my Mom's health care proxy) my sister-in-law started to interject her opinion. I was SO frustrated I turned around and told her to offer her ideas to her husband (my brother) but I felt it would be challenging enough to get the kids into one train of thought, never mind getting their spouses included!
More recently, I am watcing my MIL 's 5 kids try to sort things out! (Think of the 3 stooges). But I offer ideas to my spouse and if it is considered a good idea it can be passed along. I pretty much mind my own business now. When I visit, I do what I would do if it was my Mom. I think that is the best I can do at this point.
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Much thanks to everyone who gave me advice. The sisterinlaw is my husband's brother's wife. She has never especially liked me and has told me which just makes thins more awkward. Something one of my friends said was my sisterinlaw may be reliving having taken care of her own mother who died of alcholism. I will just stay back, help when asked, and support my spouse who has the bulk of the responsibilities on him. As an added note, my botherinlaw and his wife are moving into my inlaws home. My inlaws right now live in assisted living. The whole story is a bit of a soap opera. If I could just come up with a good name for it now. Whew!
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