My husband 84 years old, is on hospice at home with later stage Alzheimer’s and an aneurysm which cannot be operated on. I am so exhausted. But I find I feel so guilty and feel like I have failed. My goal was always to keep him home. I haven’t been able to go visit any facilities because of the guilt. In the meantime I am getting more and more tired. Thanks.

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Look at it this way. You love your husband. You feel that you cannot continue caring for him the way he deserves to be cared for. You are human and humans have limits. We are not robots. You have done the best you can, but you have reached your limit. You cannot continue doing the work of three shifts of caregivers around the clock. Be proud of yourself and content in what you HAVE done for him. Do not feel guilty for being human. Only people who have done something wrong should feel guilty. You have done nothing wrong.
Helpful Answer (1)

Oh, Cassi! (((hugs)))))).

Unless you are very wealthy and can bring in 24/7 caregivers, I don't see how one elder can care for another until the very end. I'm tired just thinking about it, and I'm only 65.

My dear, you are trying to get your dear husband the BEST care possible, not live up to a fantasy that many of us have of dying in our own bed.

I like to think about this as being analogous to childbirth. Lots of us dream of the perfect birth, at home or in a birthing center, everything calm and lovely. Then sometimes, the medical needs to mom/baby dictate an emergency C-section. The important thing is that the baby gets born and everyone gets the care they need, right?

Your husband is dying and needs good medical care around the clock. You, dear lady, cannot provide this alone.

His needs are best served right now by being someplace where there are lots of RNs and you can go back to being his loving wife and that job alone.

Be well.
Helpful Answer (2)
Cassidog May 2019
Thank you, Barb. That makes a lot of sense!
Ahmijoy, thank you. I am going to try and change my thinking, you are right.
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