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I am at the point where I need to bring caregivers into our home to care for DH with Lewy Body Disease. I'm not worried about the hiring process, but I am distressed about the thought of having someone else underfoot. Anyone have thoughts on this? Blessings, Jamie

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Jj ff gave you an excellent answer. And pay attention to the helicopter spouse part. Do not become a micromanager either. What works for you may.not and probably will not work for the caregivers. They will figure out what works best for them. Give the caregivers space to do so.
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Jamie, it's an adjustment having someone new in the house, they have their own way of doing things.... and there will be a learning process for both you and the caregiver.

For my very elderly Dad, I hired caregivers from a national firm. The Rep came to the house to interview me and my Dad, and in turn I was interviewing her. She asked a lot of good questions, and asked me to show her the house. She was concerned about the stairs since my Dad was a fall risk.

The first couple of caregivers were very good but not quite a good match. The 3rd one was a winner. So I asked the firm if they could schedule her, if available. She was with my Dad for over a year. They had a lot in common in their childhood, and had the same crazy sense of humor. Dad had another caregiver for the weekend, another excellent match, so also was with him for year :)

Dad also had overnight caregivers, and these were women who did only overnight shifts, so they stayed awake during the whole night.  If they heard Dad get up, they would go to his room to help him to the bathroom. 

Now I didn't live with my Dad, so I let the caregivers do their work how ever they wanted. They had to prepare meals for my Dad. One was pretty much TV dinner style, which was ok with me, and Dad didn't complain. The weekend caregiver loved to cook so she would bring left overs from home which Dad really enjoyed, plus home made cookies.

Find a caregiver who is good with your husband, and someone you feel you can talk to like a friend. In fact, after you are comfortable with the person, it will be your time to do things you want to do. Don't become a helicopter spouse.
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Make a written care plan. Be sure the caregiver has clear list of duties and expectations.

By starting off with a very well defined business relationship, you and they will function much better. Most difficulties come from mismatched expectations...yours and theirs. Take the time to think through all the things you want the caregiver to do and write it all down.
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I don't have caregivers in the home, but they do take Mom out for outings. We definitely have to rotate around to see who she's most comfortable with, and that's why I also like going with a company vs individual. We can try different caregivers until we find a decent match.
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Having a caregiver solution is better than not having one at all. Dive in, and learn from the experience. The old saying: if at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Good that you are taking proactive stance. Good luck!
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Be prepared to not have all your expectations met and be flexible - I personally found it very difficult to share space with caregivers for mom - it probably would have been better if there was more room in the house

That said with her move to memory care I continue to have caregivers with her and while we have a couple of steady ones it is very difficult to get consistency for a 4 hour shift in the afternoon and folks with dementia require a caregiver with a special skill set - the agency can't send just anyone

Come back and let us know how it goes
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So maybe set them up with their own seating area to relax, have a snack so they won't be underfoot. When I was working up a sweat, I did not want to join the fam or use the upholstered livingroom furniture, but where to sit?
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I worked for one of the "major" companies. I know that my client had been through 3 caregivers before me, they lasted less than one day. Each was found wanting in some respect.

Being patient with the process--it's a new person in the house, in your DH's life, but there to help the WHOLE family. I was lucky, I guess, my client loved me and I loved her from day one. We are the same religion (that was VERY important, in our situation) I was not a "kid", I spoke English (that seems mildly racist, but my client with Parkinson's was hard at times to understand, so I had to be able to "know" what she was saying.) I was respectful of my place in the home, and gradually, just became one of the family. Most of my time with her was cleaning her "suite", laundry, running errands, sometimes cooking, as she loved to do it and could no longer be safely around the oven. I was, in essence, her arms and legs. Her family accepted me gratefully and now that I am in the same position with my own mother, I REALIZE how much of a burden I took from them. Mom was cared for, she was happy, and not bugging them 24/7 for little things--and then they were able to have quality time with her and not feel angry and overwhelmed.

As for having a place to sit and relax myself--I don't think I EVER sat down during the day. I never had a break, I never had lunch...I ran from 9 am to 4 pm. While that may not have been "right" it's what worked for us.

Every situation is different. You must be flexible, the caregiver must be a good match. Be patient with them as they come to know your DH. Trust them. If you
'hover' over them, they will feel uncomfortable. You MUST have a certain level of trust, and that may take a little while to achieve. Hopefully, you will find a good match for your family and you will rest a little and enjoy some personal time.

When I was with my client, I rarely even saw the "family". It WAS a huge house, and all, but once I showed up for work, daughter was GONE and we had the house to ourselves.
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Oh, one thing to think about, keep the caregiver that your husband likes, even though she might not do everything you want her to do.

At the beginning when I had a caregiver for my Dad, I wasn't thinking about Dad per say, and I was ready to ask the Agency to send someone else.... until I asked my Dad who was his favorite caregiver and why. That changed my mind, as Dad said he was always happy to see her when it was time to get up in the morning, he liked her personality and couldn't wait to enjoy his day.
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YES, hover. YES, micromanage. YES, be a helicopter caregiver. This isn't a guest in your home - s/he's an employee, someone you are paying to do a job. You want your loved one to be safe from physical, emotional or financial abuse, and sometimes that isn't apparent right away. We had the "ideal" caregiver, oh so sweet, Mom loved her... EXCEPT that she was forging checks from Mom's checkbook! There are unfortunately people out there who are very skilled at gaining an elder's trust (and the family's trust) and then take advantage of them. There is a tendency to be socially courteous and treat the paid caregiver like a guest... do they have a comfortable place for a break? is this or that asking too much? should you provide snacks? No, no no! Keep it on a business level. Yes, they can and should develop a trusting relationship with the patient, but for you, the family member, be on guard! This is a business and you have every right to make sure things are done properly and to YOUR and YOUR PARENT's satisfaction (not the other way around!)
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