Any suggestions with planning a celebration of life for my MIL?

Your plans sound lovely, I don't think you need anything more. 🤗

I love your ideas. I’m planning a similar gathering for my LO who died in November. I don’t think we’ll have a traditional service, but the other things you lists sound like what I’d like to do, My LO was a big music fan, so we will play her favorite music. I’ll have a table set up with her favorite collectibles and things she was proud of like her Baptismal certificate, Bible, photos, etc. I’m planning on having a small water feature, since we will not be near water. I’m planning on using the patio and backyard and using a couple of floral arrangements. I’ll serve food and a couple of beverages. I’m thinking of having this as a brunch and starting at 11:00 a.m.

I'm with cwillie, what you have already planned sounds wonderful. I think that you're overthinking this. A celebration of life should be just that, a celebration with family and friends to remember and honor the loved one who has died. It should be a happy time for all who attend.
The only other thing that I have seen, is everyone having a helium balloon that they've written a special message on to the departed one, and then everyone lets go of them at the same time, but since you're already doing a butterfly release, that might be overkill.

What you have planned sounds perfect. I don't think anything is expected, really, as everyone's idea of a celebration of life is different. When my dad passed, I had a celebration in his honor at the AL he lived in. Since he was of Italian descent, I played Italian music, had a few different types of Italian liqueurs available, Italian cookies and pastries, and I made a memory board of his life in photos that I had displayed. It turned out very well and everyone had an enjoyable time. The craziest thing was that a large flower arrangement arrived during the celebration........with a card signed by MY DECEASED FATHER! I about passed out on the spot. After a lot of investigation, it turned out to be from my uncle, dad's brother, who thought it would be 'touching' to have flowers sent by my father to his own memorial celebration. My mother looked like she'd seen a ghost!

I think you've planned a very nice service. The key is to make it comfortable for people.

The best services I've been to are ones with assigned speakers. The worst are the "If anyone has something they'd like to say, come on up," because either

1) no one comes up (no one is comfortable with public speaking, or worse, didn't know the person well enough to feel like it's their place to speak)

2) People come up and can't stop talking (too many inside anecdotes no one can relate to -- "And then there was that time...ha ha, ho ho." No no.)

3) Too many people come up and there's seemingly no end in sight. ("Ed's story about when Eunice danced on the table reminded me of a time when we all got drunk one night, and...")

I have been to all three of these services. They're disorganized and excruciating to sit through. Awkward silences as no one speaks are as painful as when too many speak.

Select two, maybe three speakers at the most, and give each one 2-3 minutes to speak. No one will follow that, but it gives them an idea of how long they have. That amount of time works out to about two double-spaced typed pages.

Have one speak about the person's family life (they get more time if they want), one speaks about their career, if applicable, and one speaks about their community involvement, hobbies, or friendships. Since it'll be in Mom's hometown, perhaps one of her friends from the early days could speak about their growing up days, but ONLY if they're prepared, not speaking off the cuff.

Don't pressure someone to speak if they can't do public speaking comfortably. (Hand raised here.) I am terrible at public speaking, get teary, quavery, and become an unholy mess. It's pure nerves, not grief -- I just can't do it.

I had to give a eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, and I'm sure it was excruciating to watch as I stammered, and stuttered my way through it. I told my dad when he was dying that I knew he knew I loved him, but I wouldn't speak at his service. I wrote the eulogy, and my brother delivered it. Dad had seen the eulogy at my grandmother's funeral, so he was good with that.

Just be sure folks feel comfortable, have plenty of seating, and have a reason to stay and reminisce together, and you'll have a nice event.

Probably the best thing the minister who did my dad’s outdoor, simple funeral did was ask if anyone there would like to share a memory. The minister told me he planned to do this and knew how to rein it in if someone got too long. It turned out really special to hear different friends and family share their thoughts and stories. I’d definitely recommend this

I think that you have a great plan in place.

The only addition I can think of is music that is a reflection of her.

I don’t know if you are familiar of New Orleans and our culture. Music is a huge part of who we are.

This won’t apply in your situation and the majority of people here don’t have jazz funerals here.

Most have traditional services and burials. Still, we do have plenty of jazz funerals. (Not now with Covid)

I absolutely adore the spirit of our jazz funerals. There is usually a church service, then there is literally marching in the streets starting off with very somber music to signify grief.

Towards the end of the route, the music picks up and there is upbeat dancing and singing!

It’s really beautiful. It’s acceptance that the deceased person is happy and at peace with no more pain and suffering.

So many people come out for the jazz funerals. They are held for the everyday Joe, to the well known musician, to our famous chefs.

It truly ends up being a big party or ‘celebration of life’ in our streets.

If anyone wants to see it, look at a YouTube of Allen Toussaint funeral procession. He was a well loved local musician.

May I suggest that you draw up a plan. For example:

Opening or gathering music or hymn. (soloist?) Some use a bagpiper.
Call to come together
Understanding that nothing lasts forever
Prayer of Joy/Sorrow
Eulogy (recap of person's life and impact on friends and family)
Remembrances of friends and family
Music or hymn
Psalm 23 (If appropriate)
Closing prayer and butterfly release
Closing music (postlude)and departure

Hope this helps.

All sound wonderful. Include activities that you and the family find helpful: music, prayer, speaker, open time for others to share their remembrances... If a specific faith traditions are important to you or your family, include those. The goals are: #1 - to remember your the life of your MIL and not her death, and #2 - to help friends and family find peace with her departure.

Sounds like you've got everything well covered! As a Hospice Volunteer, have attended many of these "Celebrations". Maybe some old friends or close family members would like to share their positive memories of her? You are doing very well with the plans!

What you have planned is prefect.
You might want to have a "starting" point where cars can gather and do a "drive by" of some places that meant something to her. Her home then her school before getting to the park.

Mum has two requests when she dies for her celebration of life. No lilies and everyone wear colourful clothing.

At the one for my great aunt, which was held on the Island where she lived most her adult life, I spoke up when the question was asked did anyone have anything to say. I told a short antidote about every year from about age 6-16 going to her house to bake a cake for my grandmother.

Afterwards her daughters came up to be and thanked me for telling the story. None of them knew of this tradition we had.

We did this for my father in Law. Have a few people tell funny stories. Make a photo collage. Play some favorite era music from his life. Many people attending may only know them from the past 5-10 years but there was a whole life to celebrate. There will be tears but should also be laughter. Good luck.

Sounds like you've planned a beautiful celebration. enjoy!

Its what you and family want it to be - getting people together is the only thing that really matters. After that service, photos, food comes down to whatever you choose. You must have a result you want to achieve from the Celebration - concentrate on what is necessary for the result, its not an entertainment issue, just a group of people doing some reminiscing.

Thank you for asking this question. We are planning a celebration of both our parents in July and I was curious to see what others said. What you've planned sounds wonderful! I love the idea of the butterfly release.

We are fortunate that the cemetery where the service is going to be held is on the old family farm so we are able to have a tent set up there for the luncheon afterward. My mom loved opera and my dad loved jazz. I'm trying to line up one or two people who could sing one song of each type and maybe one together. I don't know - opera and jazz?? Anyone have a suggestion for a song that would work together?

African Violets were one of my mom's favorite plants and my plan is to have many pots of those so anyone who'd like to take one as a remembrance, will be able to. We did a virtual service for the immediate family in January and had a slide show with lots of old pictures - I'm trying to figure out a way we can show that but that's a maybe at this point. I'll leave that to the electrical engineer to figure out how to get power up there!

Good luck to you, I hope your service turns out well.

Sounds like you have a beautiful celebration already planned. I'm sure it'll include her favorite flowers by a Nice Big Portrait of her.

Ater the traditional service invite anyone who would like to give a story about the deceased. This could be a memory that is funny, serious,kindness she showed, maybe a lesson she taught not even knowing . But celebrate her life with memories, music, jokes,whatever for I'm sure she told funny stories about her children .. just remembering her what she did is celebration.
Sorry for your loss, you will miss her. Remember the good times.
God bless. All you have plZnned sounds delightful.

One of the most meaningful parts of a Celebration of Life service is the sharing of memories about the deceased. Usually, the more spontaneous this is, the better. It helps to ask those who knew her at a previous stages in her life to share something they remember.

You might ask them, a bit before the service so they have time to think, "What was she like as a young person, a neighbor, a sister, a co-worker ... whatever you know might generate some good memories on the part of those who knew her. Don't give them so much time ahead that they think they must "prepare" some remarks or give a "speech". You want them to be brief and as spontaneous as possible. When they have shared their memories, ask others who are present if they remember anything they would like to share.
Often this part of the service is quite healing. There may be some tears. Usually there is laughter. This brings people together in their shared experiences, memories and expressions of love for the departed.

Sounds like you are going to have a beautiful Celebration. Maybe some music playing that she liked would be nice....so sorry for your loss...

Imho, what I have seen at celebration of life events are as follows:
- A montage
- Hymns
- Musical accompaniment
- Soloist(s)
- Eulogies
- Option for attendees to share memories

I'm so sorry for your loss. 🙏What you have described sounds nice. The ones that I've participated in have been informal, but can still be religious. Maybe a couple of her favorite hymns sung by all or a soloist or have a musician play a special song that she cherished. If she has a favorite poem or scripture then someone can recite or read it. Have about 3 people lined up to speak of pleasant or funny memories they shared or observed of your MIL. You can ask if someone would like to speak afterward as this helps others share experiences & all this helps in the healing process of everyone. I attended one where the request was to wear NY Yankee attire, memorabilia, or their colors. Another requested you wear Hawaiian shirts or dresses. It's to celebrate the life of your MIL so think of what she may like.

You have a great celebration planned. The setting you have chosen and the activities sound wonderful.

I have given my family instructions for my "celebration" and I hope and pray they follow them. I am to be cremated and my ashes held until the bluebonnets bloom south of us and I wish my ashes scattered in a field of my favorite flowers. While doing that, I want some nice, loud, 60's or 70's rock blasting. Something from ZZ Top, Queen or Abba.

They are to then reserve an area at a favorite restaurant and all of them have dinner and enjoy remembering all the great times we had. No tears, just laughter and happiness that I am no longer in pain 24/7.

You are doing a beautiful thing to honor your MIL.