Any suggestions on best way to move my dad from assisted living to memory care?

There really isn't anyway to prepare him for it as if you tell him he may only forget. However, I would have my mom move close to him as well so they both can be near and see each other. After all they have had many years together and nothing will ever change that, even though your dad has dementia your mom still knows him and remembers the good times they have shared through the years. I work with the elderly every day and love what I do. My heart goes out to you, your mom and your dad. Also Pray about it as God will give you and help you with whatever you and your mom decides. May God Bless all of you!

Your dad doesn’t need to be told all the details. It depends on how advanced his dementia is, also. It’s easy to give too much information that only results in anxiety that might be avoided. When we moved my dad to MC from AL, we had one family member get him out for a bit so we could set his new place up without worrying and confusing him. We told him his old place was being renovated and he would be staying in a different apartment for awhile. We also stayed with him for supper the first night (different dining area) and visited for a short time. He adjusted very well. It may take some time but your dad will adjust. Also, as the dementia progresses, these changes are less upsetting to your loved one.

We told our mom, they were painting the room

Took her on a wheelchair walk

My son & wife moved mom’s Bed, bureau, TV & belongings

I wheeled her into her new memory care room. She loved it.
All things looked the same to her

Best Wishes for a smooth move

Madge20: Perhaps come up with a therapeutic fib as it may be too difficult on his mind to keep reliving the move to the memory care unit.

https://www.aplaceformom.com/caregiver-resources/articles/easing-transition-to-memory-care

Above is an article with tips for you to transition your dad from AL to MC.

Best of luck to you

First, visit website: Teepa Snow.
She is one of the country's leading experts on dementia and through webinars, videos, You Tubes, and books, she shares / shows how to communicate with a person inflicted with dementia.

I would suggest:
* Keep it simple.
* Since he has dementia (and he won't remember), you can tell him:
- you and he are going to visit one of your friends.
- Its your room - you want to know if he likes it (for you)
- a repair need in his room so going over here / there for a while until its fixed

* You want to keep him calm.
* Do not make a big deal out of it.
* He will pick up on tone of voice, your emotional state/energy
- Do smile and stay calm as you can

I wonder how your mom is prepared - it is important to know how she will interact with him, too. Perhaps you could tell him that he's visiting his wife (if he knows who she is).

You really do not know how to proceed until you are in the situation - although you need to be prepared as best you can. If it were me, I would emphasis - this is temporary until XXX AND spend time (more time) with him... introduce him to YOUR NEW FRIENDS (he may not / likely won't know they are workers).

Look at this website:

https://www.alz.org/media/cacentral/documents/professional-care-22-successful-move-to-dementia-care.pdf

In part, it says (they are using feminine pronoun):

1. Do not announce the move in advance

Avoid anticipation anxiety by not telling her that she will be moving on next month or so. Wait until it is close to the date to inform her, or even tell her only at the very moment of the move. Moving anticipation anxiety can cause extreme negative feelings that may escalate into extreme behaviors. By not giving her too
much of advance notice you will promote a calmer state of mind for the transition. Some homes provide opportunities for socialization, such as dinner parties or day center activities, prior to residency. These are great ways of initiating the adaptation process without being too obvious about the move itself.

2. Use fiblets

She does not need to know right away that this will be her new home for the long run. She may be happier in the idea that the stay is just for a short period of time (say, his room/apt is being fumigated this week). You can repeat the same information when asked again until he's used to her new surroundings. Collaborate with other visitors and the staff so everybody provides her with the same message and work together as a team to ensure a successful move.

Gena's response: I don't call it 'fiblets' (?) - you say what you need to say to keep the person calm as possible, reassuring them they are safe and loved/cared for. There is no such thing as fibbing when a person has dementia. The objective is to provide the best care possible, however you can do that.

--------------------
Look at this website: (when a person asks to 'go home' - your dad may not).
https://www.alzheimers.org.uk/blog/i-want-go-home-what-to-say-to-someone-in-dementia-care

Gena / Touch Matters

What does the agency say first that's what they get the big bucks for.

Let the facility professionals handle it.
Act like he got an upgrade and you are happy for him!

I went through a similar situation with my dad. Mom and dad were sharing a room in assisted living and it was becoming clear that dad needed to be in memory care. After mom died (Dad was with her when she died by quickly forgot) I signed him up for memory care in the same facility. It took a few days for an opening. As soon as I got the call I had the staff keep him busy in the lobby and me and the maintenance guy moved his stuff in about three trips, hung his pictures on the wall and had his fav country music playing.

I simply told him I’d gotten him a better room and he never missed a beat. His short term memory was less than a minute at this point. There was absolutely no point in discussing the move with him. I would’ve gone through the scenario every five minutes.

Depending on his memory and how he reacts to the change he may ask for an explanation more than once. If the explanation is disturbing him and he is "re-mourning" this news every time, then consider telling him a therapeutic fib, which is morally and ethically acceptable. It's merciful.

Madge20, when it was time to move my Dad from Independent Living to their Memory Care, I told him the cost would be a lot cheaper [even though it wasn't] and any way Dad can save money would do it in a heart beat. He was ready to move.


I did make sure that all of Dad's beloved books had space in his new room in Memory Care. The room was smaller, Dad would joke it was his "college dorm room" :)

How much is he going to retain and for how long???
You can explain all you want and most likely he will not retain the explanation for a long term.
If at all possible could mom have him visit the MC unit a few times so he gets used to the staff and the residents.
Tell him "mom has to go to the doctor and you can stay here for a while"
A few visits and I am sure he will adjust better to being there full time.

If you are going to tell him do it on the day of the move because of loss of time knowledge. A resident in my mom's place had to move. Get help from others. The resident had lunch with a family member who stayed for a couple of hours. Other friends and family moved the stuff from the old apartment into the exact locations to the new apartment. The rest of the family joined the resident for th e new transition. In your case, have mom join at transition time and see if she can join him for the next meal.

Honestly.
You tell him honestly. Do not expect that he will not exhibit grief, anger, denial, shock. This is tough stuff and it is well worth grieving and mourning.

You may request the admin to sit with you and discuss this with him, their inability to provide him with the care that he requires to keep him safe. This admin has experience in this and can make it clear that this is not an option, that his wife will be visiting, and that he will have the best care they can provide him.

Not everything can be fixed This is tough stuff. This will be painful in the extreme for all of you.