My wife does not appear to show any interest in things of old and I can't find anything that interests her except walking and eating. Some of our caregiver management are able to engage her in a conversation of which some of her responses can be very amusing and entertaining. She will join in and sing some songs if someone is there to lead or start. She collected dolls. Does anyone know of a doll or line of dolls that come with removeable clothing so her caregiver could help her dress and undress them?
Vascular dementia is the most aggressive of all the dementias as I'm sure you already know, with a life expectancy of just 5 years. so your wife's progression will be much faster than the other dementias, so just enjoy whatever time you may have left with her. And if she's content just walking and eating, let her be and let her enjoy the time she has left here on this earth.
Just because you think she should be doing more and be more engaged, doesn't mean that she feels the same way.
I wish you well as you take this final journey with your wife.
My point is to not knock yourself out finding something to entertain her. Have very tempered expectations. Her memory loss and jumbled brain will prevent her from doing the things we would fill time or solve problems with.
Many people find that stuffed animals bring joy and distraction to their LOs with dementia. We eventually had my Aunt fold up a large laundrybasket full of kitchen towels twice a day to give her a sense of purpose and to burn energy (she was almost 101 when she passed). We also let her "play" with colored poker chips to sort but to our amazement she put them into geometric patterns -- maybe because she worked as a graphic artist for a corporation and had loved arts & crafts. But she never looked at the copious amounts of dolls all throughout her house.
I wish you success in finding things to engage her mind. May you receive peace in your heart on this journey with her, and bless you for taking such good care of her.
Above is a link to a lifelike infant baby doll on eBay that your wife may love to take care of, as many folks with dementia do. Baby dolls tend to give women a renewed purpose in life again, to care for children. You can buy regular newborn clothing for these dolls too, of course.
Antidepressants should be looked into as well, as they can help an elder perk up again. They worked well for my mom with dementia.
Best of luck to you.
We were able to do that with my mother and her interest in arts and crafts and painting. I 1000% agree that you should watch Teepa Snow videos. Also, see the website for her organization, Positive Approach to Care. For me and my family, it was LIFE CHANGING in the final 9 months of my mother's life. She also had vascular dementia. Another thing I would highly recommend is the book CREATING MOMENTS OF JOY by Jolene Brackey.
The best advice I was given was this: my mother did not get to choose the journey that she was on. We all knew where her journey would ultimately end. We, however, did have the luxury of choosing how we would be on that journey with her. The help we had creating moments of joy with my mother instead of moments of grief was through Teepa Snow's team and her organization. Rather than listing all the possibilities for you in terms of your wife's interests and how to modify them, I point you to that organization. You'll get good advice and good ideas.
Also googled Teepa Snow and will look into her video's etc. Appreciate the information!
Such entities as Facebook have whole Forums of doll collectors for you to join in your research here and they'll be happy to help.
We will take on some elder questions. One of yours is how to talk to your loved one. That basically will be a combo of how you ALWAYS talked to her, your relationship being as unique to you two as your own thumbprints, and of the changes she has now. What you describe is NOT unique to vascular dementia, but some things are. So:
1. Look up vascular dementia for yourself online. This research will take you only a few days.
2. Watch some Teepa Snow videos (still on youtube I hope) and you can watch how to communicate with those suffering dementia.
Attend any support groups you can find.
Join online support groups where available to you: Facebook is a good place to start.
I admire your intent to learn all you can.
I wish you well.
As for dolls, I was also thinking of the kind of dolls to teach young kids to button, zip, tie, etc could be helpful depending on where your wife is in the progression. If she is more aware, might not be good, could seem too childish to her. This could also be done with a more collector type doll & if someone could alter/make the doll clothes with big buttons, zipper, a belt or something to tie.
My mom had vascular dementia. Unfortunately hers was really bad & she was angry & mad at all of us until 2 wks before she died. It was really hard & we were lost as to what to do. However Teepa Snow’s team was extremely helpful!!! We did a free consultation call with them & then paid for an additional phone meeting as things changed. There are several things that they charge for, but there are also a lot of free videos, podcast, etc that helped us as well. I strongly recommend at least 1 call. Getting a little more personalized help that fits your wife’s specific situation could be really helpful.
Google Teepa Snow.
It is different as different parts of the brain respond differently to the various types of dementia.
There is no easy way.
What I learned to do is FLOW with wherever they are at cognitively, which is generally confused, agitated, etc.
You use other senses to communicate:
tone of voice
gentle touch
smiling
Agree with them.
The key is to be with the person wherever they are.
You do not need to talk necessarily.
You can say "I agree and smile" -
Look at this website (some information below):
20 things to say to someone with dementia
To connect with someone with dementia, validate their feelings, use redirection, and offer reassurance with short, simple phrases, focusing on presence and empathy rather than correcting facts or testing memory; try "I love spending time with you," "You're safe," or share a memory like "I remember our trips to the beach". Say "yes" to their reality, offer choices (e.g., "milk or juice?"), and use gentle physical touch or music to connect when words fail, creating comfort and maintaining dignity.
Connecting with Presence & Feelings
"It's so nice to spend time with you."
"I love when we visit [place] together."
"You are safe. I am here."
"Let's have some tea and sit by the window." (Redirect to comfort)
"Tell me more about that." (Open-ended, validating)
"I'm so sorry, I forgot." (Accepting blame to de-escalate)
"That sounds wonderful/interesting." (Validating their perceived reality)
"I love your laugh." (Focus on senses/positive emotion)
"How about some milk and cookies?" (Simple choice)
"You look wonderful!" (Compliment)
Sharing & Reassurance
"I remember our beach trips. The water was so blue." (Share a memory)
"You worked so hard for years. You deserve a rest." (Validate a feeling of needing to work)
"He'll be here for dinner." (If they ask for someone)
"This is Eric. We work together." (Simple introduction)
"Here is your hat." (Literal, simple instruction)
"Let's go here." (Positive redirection)
"I'll get it" or "I'm here to help." (Offer assistance gently)
"Your shower is ready." (Simple, direct)
"I'm bringing you coffee Tuesday morning." (Actionable support)
(Just sit and hold their hand, offer a smile, or hum a familiar tune)