Any suggestions for when elderly folk refuse to eat and drink?

It's time for a difficult talk. If he's choosing to stop eating and drinking perhaps he's had enough of life and is choosing to leave. He has every right to stop eating and drinking.

Stop telling him he'll feel worse. Allow him to focus on what he needs to do for himself.

Support him, but make sure you support yourself. Contact his doc so he can be placed on hospice. They'll support him and you.

I'm sorry.

There can be lots of reasons a person stops eating and or drinking.
It is common at End Of Life that a person will stop eating and drinking. The body requires less nutrition, it is using energy to keep the heart and brain functioning.
It is also common if there are other medical problems. Blockage, pain in the mouth, throat, stomach. If there are no medical problems this is a natural course and you should resist the urge to have a feeding tube placed. And in some cases IV's as well can do harm. As the organs shut down the kidneys can no longer function well so urine output is low you do not want excess fluids. Due to the decreased fluids the urine will get darker. The last week of my Husbands life the urine was a dark brownish color.
You might want to contact a Hospice and see if he is eligible if so they will help a lot. Their goal is to keep your dad pain free and provide you with the equipment and supplies and support that you need to keep him safe.

It sounds like your father may have started his dying process. As the body prepares for death it no longer needs food or drink, and in fact is quite harmful for food or drink to be pushed, and can cause unnecessary pain. Your father will let you know if he's hungry or thirsty.
If you have hospice available to you, I would certainly be contacting them today.

My Mom has difficulty swallowing and becomes dehydrated. She also forgets the drink is right in front of her. I raise my glass or cup and say "Cheers to Dad" or "another sunny day", or the "dog's birthday". Her automatic response is to raise her glass and have a drink. Sometimes just a sip but sometimes she realizes she is thirsty and drinks more.

We went through this with my mom.

it started with an illness that caused Mom to lose her appetite and then she became completely repulsed by al food and drink, including water. She refused everything. She almost became combative. She was growing delirious. The doctors told me she was dying and I should give up and just get her morphine from hospice.

I would not have gotten her to eat again without the help of a wonderful CNA that loved Mom nearly as much as I. Together (with the CNA’s experience and guidance) we tag teamed to get mom to take a bite here and a sip there until her appetite returned.

We would try lots of different tastes and textures, hoping she would get even just a little. We would cheer after every bite, praise her and encourage her. The process seemed excrutiatingly slow and I was scared that I was prolonging her suffering. It took three weeks of one bite at a time and then she regained interest and appetite and eventually she was eating and drinking like before. Her appetite and love for food returned.

For the rest of her life she thanked me for not giving up. I had thought she was too delirious to remember, but she did.

i hope you have the same results. I will be thinking of you.

Never force food or drink -- only offer it.

Is he in otherwise OK health? Take him into the doctor if he's not otherwise heading toward death, because this is a sign that he's shutting down.

Is he on hospice?

i would remind my mother to make sure she drank water every day, her remark was well I drink coffee and juice. But its not clear liquid........she ended up getting UTI and being dehydrated.........went to ER. of course other things were happening as well (kidney function,etc) but after 6 days in hospital she decided it was time for the nursing home...she is 94. I knew she wasn't eating as much as she claimed because I could see weight loss, even though she had food in house which I took up every day. I think she would limit herself. The saying "you can take a horse to water but you can't make them drink" sounds like the situation at hand. You don't say how old your father is, does he have dementia, etc., but all you can do is just wait and then when the time presents itself.....take the measures that need to be taken. IF he ends up in ER....before they release him, let them know that he has no one to care for him at home and that he needs placement. HOWEVER.......IF you have POA....start checking now into an Elder Attorney who can help you with everything for finances, etc. Then find a good NH where he can be placed (make sure they take medicaid for the future). wishing you luck.

Please get him an appointment with his doctor pronto. Something is happening that makes dad refuse to eat or drink: a bowel blockage, pain in the digestive tract, a neurological injury, or a psychological issue. Please get this addressed. If he is ready to die, he will not last long without adequate nutrition or fluids.

take him to the emergency room to rule out infectious diseases. They can check his urine, do chest x-ray, look at labs. If no infections--decide feeding tube or DNR/hospice.

For most men and women they refuse to eat or drink for one of two reasons.

The first one is depression. Perhaps you need to talk with him

They other is they just want to die. All of their family and friends are gone, their health is gone, they are isolated. They just want to give up and die. I would respect that decision.

I have seen both a lot. It is hard to accept but we must respect their choice.