My mom who has multiple health issues, a fib, valve surgery and pacer in Jan, some level of dementia, pinched nerves in back...
She cries about how she is tired of being tired. She has had pretty much everything tested, thyroid, blood counts etc.
She also can't drive anymore, well she was told not to but she still thinks she can but hasn't in over a year. Uses a walker to get around.
I am at a loss to help her, she states she should just die. She used to be extremely independent so I relize this is really hard for her. I work so am not home everyday, she has a bath aide once a week for a shower and PT twice a week, not that it does much.
Yes, she probably is depressed but refuses meds as they make her dizzy
Any suggestions would be greatly appreciated

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Cntryrn, next time your Mom is at her primary doctor, have the doctor run a blood test for vitamins. It could be that your Mom is low on certain vitamins, to which the doctor will recommend which one, and the dosage.

For myself, for years I have always been low on Vit B and Vit D. My Mom had the same problem so I must have inherited it from her.
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Sounds like depression to me. Maybe a different med would work for her? Does she believe she is depressed? If so, put her on Dr Google for non-medication remedies for depression. Exercise would help. Getting out and seeing people. Having fun. Etc. Will she go out for a walk? To the store? Out to eat?

At least she allows a shower aid and PT. While the PT may not seem to be doing much, at least she's getting the exercise when they are with her. How about a pet?

There's only so much you can do. If she won't help herself, at some point she may need to be moved.
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Dear RN, your mother is unwell, lives with you, and is on her own for most of the time. I’ve just had 6 months reasonably similar to this myself, and yes I did get both depressed and tired. I tried very hard not to be a drag for my DH, but for a range of reasons (including Covid but mostly other things) there was nothing much we could do about it. There’s a good chance that your mother isn’t trying to be pleasant for you, based on your profile, which is rotten for you. Plus, complaining all the time doesn’t make her feel any better.

We got away from our isolated farm three weeks ago, and I’m feeling much better already. I spent most of the first week in bed, and since then have tried for one ‘outing’ a day. I have quite a bit more energy, and feel much more cheerful in myself. My isolation has been a big reason for spending so much time on this site – where I try to be positive when most people have problems that would make anyone depressed!

Which is all just lovely for me, but is there anything in there for YOU? Perhaps. A change of scene is important. Could your mother have an aide take her out for an hour, perhaps every other day? Are there accessible Senior Day Care options? Could you take her for excursions to AL places with good activities and lots of coming and going? It really does sound as though a good AL might save your sanity as well as hers! Very best wishes, Margaret
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