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I am the only one to take care of my mom and I'm having health issues. She's in a memory care home, but I'm the one who comes to spend time with my mom, buy her clothes, make and take her to doctor appointments, order/pay for medications, etc. My sibling lives in another state. I'm the only one that lives here. I'm thinking if I pass before her, I would have to hire somebody beforehand to check on her. I don't think my sibling would ever move. What would you do if you were the only one and passed before your parent with dementia?

I worry about my elder parents as well as for myself. My only sibling is out of state and I would expect little from her on their behalf unless she is motivated by the financial benefits she would wind up with if she came back here, but she would quickly resign from all that I have been doing on their behalf. I nearly had this scenario happen last fall when out of the blue was not feeling well, weak and wound up rushed to the hospital and had major surgery for a dissection of the aorta which is typically fatal. It was a terrifying dose of reality, your scenario coming too close for comfort. I now pay their bills when they arrive and sometimes in advance. I'd connect with a certified elder law attorney in your state to know best what plans to make .
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Roseformom Jul 14, 2021
I'm so sorry to hear that! So scary! Thank God you're okay!🙏❤ Thank you for your great advice!
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It happens to about 30% of caregivers according to studies. People literally work themselves to death so that their parents can maintain a charade of independence.

Scary stuff.
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Roseformom Jul 14, 2021
Yes, however, it was not reasonable for my mom due to needing 24 hour care. She is in memory care and has long term care insurance too. We're lucky she planned ahead.
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I told a Counsellor once my aim was to outlive everyone. For their sake & mine!

I think I would think carefully of who could be a trusted Guardian/enduring POA. This may include nieces, nephews, grands that were mature enough. If none, I would look for legal advice - what services are available for Elder Advocacy or Elder Care Management.

While I wouldn't wish worries & sleepiness nights on anyone, I hope this is more of a 'what if' sort of worry... rather than a serious illness diagnosis situation.
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Roseformom Jul 14, 2021
Thank you! My sibling is POA and will have to figure things out then. Hopefully my MRI coming up goes well. They're checking some tumors to see if they're benign or not. I'm not feeling well and my thoughts went to my mom.
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Yes, I was concerned for awhile when I was caring for my mom. My blood pressure went through the roof. I couldn’t eat, due to depression and anxiety. I was sent to a cardiologist for tests.

My mom recently died. I do understand how you feel and I am so sorry that you are having Heath issues. Please take care of yourself.

Many hugs and prayers sent your way.
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Reply to NeedHelpWithMom
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Roseformom Jul 7, 2021
Thank you...Many hugs and prayers sent your way too❤
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