Are there any happy caregivers out there?

Debralee, I am sure that you must be a decent person. But having your frail, 90-yr.-old mother molested at an ALF is NOT OK. Mom is wonderful. But, she cannot fight off a brawny guy with intentional or not aims to feel her up. That is just gross. The corporation will answer for this. They are trying to make nice to me but that will not work. I have an elder abuse investigator on the case. I will post when I get results. Don't think you are the head poo-bah. It has been a really bad week here. Just don't go there, please. Maybe we will accomplish something positive. Let's hope.

Everyone strives for "happiness". Since I am a caregiver for grandpa who has dementia, I am most productive when he attends adult daycare and I can get respite. I catch up on my sleep, watch tv (love the alfred hitchcock episodes), and eat a good meal. I do recommend caregivers everywhere take your loved one to adult daycare so you can get respite for yourself and so your loved one can be watched and fed and be around other people. Check with your loved one's insurance like medicaid and other insurances they have if they cover adult daycare and other respite programs.

Thank you, care75104 for the suggestions. They are very good ones. I did the Senior Daycare until my mom needed more assistance. She has VA benefits which help a little.

Jinx is right. There are an amazing number of variables in the formula for caregiver happiness, and they change. I'm pretty close to the bottom of the list. My father is manic/depressive and now has dementia. He is a chronic liar and put my mother in an early grave. We've never had a close relationship. He was close to impossible when he was young and now he's intolerable even though he can still toilet, dress, and feed himself. The minute that stops, off to a nursing home he goes. I only wish I knew how long he'll live versus his assets. If the books balanced, I'd take him there tomorrow.

I started this thread not with the thought of having fun kind of happiness, but the thought of not overly stressed with sense of satisfaction kind of happiness, a contentedness with manageable anxiety. Some caregivers seem to have that. And it seems the difference seems to be in the what the relationship was previously. If the relationship was healthy, even difficult behavior seems more easily tolerated. If the elder, is not contrary, it seems caregivers do not have such a hard time with things like "accidents" or other care issues. But If the past relationship was not healthy, the difficult behavior seems to push all the right buttons to send the caregiver into high anxiety. I hope all of us on this forum "remember" to go with the flow when our time comes and never forget to say please and thank you. May that part of our brains never die until the rest of us does also.

I guess I am happy at times. My mom is 98 and I care for her alone. My partner of 28 years moved out, I have to call my sisters and beg for help just to go to the store. I am happy that I can care for her as I promised my dad many years ago but I am mentally and physically exhausted.

NO im not a happy caregiver and would be if I was an only child! cargiving is hard, siblings are impossible to deal with if my mum goes into a NH it will be because of my siblings not helping and not my choice. Really bad few days so NO NO NO not a happy anything.

Is the question "Are you happy because of your caregiving?"

Or is it "Are you happy in spite of your caregiving?"

A little of both. Of course I'm sad/worried/grieved that he needs it. But since he needs it, I'd rather do it myself than some stranger. There are a lot of good, close, peaceful times. Closer and more peaceful than when we were both healthy and busy with outside things.

Woops, my last comment went up too soon. I wouldn't say I was a "happy caregiver" overall. My first posts here were a lot of crying: worry and grief. When he's sick and weak and always needing things, I'm too tired and busy to post. When he's off his meds or BG is low and he's ranting, I'm very upset. When he has a good couple of weeks, like now, all that seems like a bad dream. But good days/weeks for the last couple of years have been in the minority.

What I haven't seen mentioned in this thread, is the fear of making a mistake, not calling 911 when I should, or not using the emergency glucose release hypo, etc. I am not a doctor. I am not a nurse. I am out of my depth. I'm always watching for danger signs, which I wouldn't know how to deal with if I saw them. I've kept my cell phone with me constantly, 24/7, since 2002.

I know others have it much worse. I wish I could delete my own posts.

Emphatically YES for my dad and now... NO for my mother! I feel sorry for her at times but then she gets demanding as always which creates stress on me for what's coming next. This is hell on earth and I want to run away! But then I come to my senses and know that I am stronger than that and I will get through this gracefully. Caregiving for my father was totally opposite, he was a gem of a dad and I loved spending every moment I could with him. So YES, it definitely depends on the relationship prior to this!

Happy is more temporal than not, in my opinion.
Content might describe me. I am the primary caregiver for my mother in law and I am mostly content in taking care of her. That being said, I can be a bit of a control freak and with her various needs regarding diet I get bent easily when my husbands siblings don't take the time to care to find out what is beneficial for my mother in law.
Happy. Today yes. Yesterday, no. Content with having her here with me so I know what the quality of care is for her? Yes.