Are there any happy caregivers out there?

No. Happy caregiver is an oxymoron.

Yes. I feel blessed that I am in a position to take care of my Mother, and give her the best quality of life she could possibly have, in her condition. I have had it rough in the past, including 2 abusive marriages and the death of my son. Living with, taking care of, being best friend to her and having her as my best friend, has given my life meaning and has helped me to understand God's plan for me. Is it easy???? NO!!!! But nothing worthwhile ever is.

I'm not unhappy! I've been at this for 12 yrs.I have to say that I am frustrated daily by my Mom's dementia..I have to remind myself often it's the disease and not her that's argumentive, forgetful, whining, etc., etc...

Family is important to me and I'm lucky to have this time with my Mom..

I would like to also add that today I'm happy, but like everything in my life I'm not always thrilled about the situation..

i feel happy. I have become quite good at caregiving. I know i make a difference in this world.. My Dad is happier and healthier than in a nursing home. My Dad worked two jobs from 6am in the morning to 9pm at night then came home and did laundry. . He raised 9 children. He was there for me every day of my life. I am glad I can repay him. Having a purpose and seeing the big picture is crucial to thrive through the 24/7 grind. Like Bonnie chak said, nothing worthwhile comes easy.

I would not use the word "happy" to describe my frame of mind about caregiving. I was never happy that the need ever arose. Who can be happy that her husband has dementia? Who is happy about her mother's dementia?

I was glad I was able to take the dementia journey with my husband. I'm glad I can give my sister respite by caring for my mother one weekend a month. And there are moments that I am happy when she seems to be enjoying herself.

But overall? I agree with keppelish. Happy caregiver is an oxymoron.

(I would do the caregiving again in a heartbeat. Not everything in life has to make me happy.)

Don't get me wrong........I am frustrated, often angry, sleep deprived, stressed, and cry a LOT. But in the big picture.........I'm happy when Mama's happy. :) You also asked this question on a good day. ;)

I've seen a few masochistic ones around here who relish and thrive in hellish caregiving. Going through that rollercoaster 24/7 seems to give them a sense of purpose -- if not atonement. Their sacrifices are well publicized in this forum, as if seeking a gold medal for their re-enactment the Passion that skips the nailing to the Cross on the way to Heaven.

The truly happy few have taken the time to set up a solid support network so they can have a productive, enjoyable life. Those are exceptions to the rule.

The rest of us, I venture to say, are professional jugglers masquerading to be happy and displaying a teflon kind of attitude to make it seem it's all under control. Half the time, it isn't.

^^^^ Big Eye Roll^^^^ and a lmao to boot! You were asked your opinion about how YOU feel, not your opinions on people you don't even know's emotions. Give me a break. I'm thinking cptn envy...lol!

On a good day (like today) I feel pretty happy. I'm blessed to be able to take care of my mom who has enough money for herself and her care. I'm blessed to have a network of friends who support me. I'm blessed to have good health. When I count my blessings, I feel very happy and very grateful for all that I have in life.

Yes and no like everything else in life. I would say overall yes, I don't get hardly any help from my siblings, and I have been at this for 3 years, she had a stroke and even though she can do things for herself, my brother recently had one to and has had to move in with us, so I am also taking care of him, at 46 he had a stroke, neither one of them drive, so I do all the grocery shopping, getting meds, and overall maintain everything else. I know it will be ok, I have to tell myself that every day.

personally i think caregiving is hard for anyone BUT its harder if youre not happy in other areas of your life. I would be a happier caregiver if I was living in a place i liked and had a life ie..friends and a job,nights out doing other things than just caring for my mother. i would love to have my own life and visit my mum when I could and bring her out more to eat etc.. I suppose it depends on what your life is like apart from caregiving and i just want my life back THEN i would be a happier caregiver. I do what I can to keep saine and hang on to faith that my life will get better. i want to move from here my mum wont move and maybe this might be too much for her now? but if she lived where I wanted to be and i had some sort of a life outside her I think I would not only be a happier cargiver but a better one.
Im so glad that Blannie is happy but sometimes its not just the caregiving that makes us unhappy but our own lives on top of it.

Not on this end of the street. This man is an alcoholic with dementia, and I could tell you stories to fill the rest of your life. The only advice I have is when you can't handle it, step away from it. It may save your life. I hate to sound mean, but I think a state guardianship is sometimes the best answer for those of us who have done it all our lives. . .

I think this is one of the best questions I've seen on this site. Hard to know how to answer tactfully, but it reminds me of the Lincoln quote:' "Most folks are as happy as they make up their minds to be." Yes, we are struggling, and yes, this is hard, and often unfair, and sometimes brutally hard, but if we can find some joy and meaning in what we are doing, then I think happiness is possible. Maybe not in the form we always pictured or planned for, but then how often do things work out the way we expected? For some of us happiness may not be a possibility right now -- grief and exhaustion and anger may be foremost in our minds, but eventually, yes, I am hoping happiness may reappear in our lives. Right now the person I am caring for is not in pain, and is peacefully reading a book about Yosemite, and outside in the garden I can see blue sky and afternoon sunshine, and for this moment, I have room for happiness in my heart.

I spend two days and two nights a week with my Dad, I am always happy just to hang out with him. Yeah sure he can be a little difficult but what the heck..I think we all are at some point in our lives, especially if your life is completely upended all of a sudden. We talk about a range of subjects and I guess I am just happy in that I get to spend precious time with him in what is the last years of his life on this planet.

I am happy. To some degree there is a correlation between happiness and resources. We benefit from being blessed, lucky, and having parents that have worked hard their whole lives and saved. Their prudent choices have provided me the privilege of options in their caregiving. I am able to hire assistance and make their home a safe place to be. I also work hard however to maintain my boundaries, get counseling, talk with my partner, ask for help from siblings, scale back where I can, and concentrate on maintaining good relationships at work. All those things allow me happiness in knowing that I am doing everything I can to help my mom who I know did everything in her life for me...and would continue to do so if she were in the position to help me. I pray for all of you on this list to find peace and happiness.

No. I'm not. And I have to roll my eyes at all the self-sacrifice I see on this site. All the "it's worth it" comments. Frankly, it's not worth it. My situation with my mother takes a huge toll on me and I am not too shy to say I'm looking forward to her eventual death. The pain will shift, but it will no longer be this soul-sucking slavery to another human.

To me it seems to come down to one thing based on my own experience and so many others I've read - was your parent good to you before they needed care? If they were, then caring for them is natural and desired even if hard. If they weren't a good parent and especially if there was abuse, I think it's incredibly hard for that adult child to give even more of themselves at the end with a smile.

Well some of us were blessed to have good parents. I love my Dad..spending time with him is a pleasure, I am also a caregiver to my husband. Is it easy, of course not but quite frankly for me it is a good time to give back to a man who did so much for me growing up and as an adult as well.

I guess the bottom line is Love. I feel sorry for all the miserable folks. Why are you doing it if you hate it, and them so much? I love my Mom and cherish every moment. But then again, I'm a self sacrificing martyr looking for accolades from strangers so I can go to heaven. Here's another eye roll for ya.

I am happy today, it was a good day for my MIL, she was connected and her humor cells were working. I just take this dementia thing one day at a time and vent my angst on the bad days by coming to this site and seeing that others are suffering more.

Happy? No comprende.

bonichak find your comment HIGLY offensive just because some of us are finding this very hard dosnt mean we dont love our parents nobody wants to see someone suffer with this and how dare you suggest that we dont do this out of love? again this site is for support and not judgements how dare you comments like this really infuriate me. Im 48yrs old I am entitled to a life a partner and a career my old mum would never want me to give up on that and thats LOVE really shocked by your ignorance.

Kazzaa, You being offended means nothing to me. You have had issues with me before because of your ignorance. KMA.....then have a nice day. :)

Kaz, I think Boni was being sarcastic towards another post...


Anyway, I don't have a fluffy, rosy relationship with my mom either, but as an only child, I couldn't just let her rot... Somebody had to step up, and really, everyone here is trying to do the right thing... Some have good, warm, loving parents that makes caring for them, if not easier, at least more pleasant. Those of us who weren't treated well, or were abused by our parents, still love them on some level, but their nastiness makes an already tough job harder, and we need to bitch about it. lol Thank God for a site that lets me bitch! :)

Exactly S.A. And this is the 2nd time Kazza has gotten nasty with me because she either does not read the whole thread, or has a comprehension problem...but she can still kma. : )

I suppose there are some who have chosen that role and have appreciative parents. For those that have taken on that role by default, giving 24/7 care to a nasty elderly parent, I doubt it. I commend all those caring for an elderly parent, but for those who for whatever reason choose not to, I pass no judgement.

Kazza I agree that it also has to do with our own lives also. If I didn't have my husband standing with me through this I would probably be unhappy..Everyone needs support to go through this caregiving journey.

Lincoln was basically right, in my opinion, that most people are about as happy as they have made up their minds to be. Mostly. But Lincoln, according to his biographers, was a melancholy man. And I can't conceive of any person being happy (as an overall condition) while presiding over a country in a brutal divisive civil war.

Happiness is not totally within our control (even if we are president of a great nation). We have some innate characteristics that predispose us to melancholy or optimism. And events outside of ourselves influence us. But we can do noble things without being happy.

And I don't think we all mean exactly the same thing by "happiness."

I was a willing caregiver to my husband. I did it by choice. I came to take great satisfaction in influencing the quality of his life. We grew very close. It was a rewarding (and exhausting and frustrating and expensive) experience. I would make the same choice again. But happy? That is too superficial to describe the rewards and too pollyannaish to describe the reality.

Wow - this is a tough question, but it's good that it's made us think about this. My husband, with stage 6 dementia, gave me 27 wonderful years and I'm grateful I'm able to - for now - manage my life and work full-time while being his full-time caregiver. I guess the thing I'm 'happy' about is that I can give service - and am learning the valuable lesson of patience. Sometimes, I think Heavenly Father gives us challenges in our lives to learn things. For me, it's patience and compromise. After four years of caring for my husband at home, I have compromised on just about everything. I'm still learning the patience thing, but have come a long way. Don't get me wrong, this is the hardest thing I've ever had to do and some days I don't think I can do it any more, but I do know I'm grateful I can help my husband's last years be as calm and loving as they can be under the circumstances. It's incredibly difficult at times, but I'm grateful I'm learning patience. I'm grateful I have faith, good health, a good job, a flexible boss who lets me work from home two days a week, a nice home, a reliable car, a wonderful dementia day care center nearby, etc., etc., etc. For me, gratitude for what I DO have helps me to feel happy and at peace.