Are there any happy caregivers out there?

I am fortunate that Dad does not have dementia. I am getting to spend time with him now that is building memories. I was one of 6 kids, so didn't get much alone time with Dad, and left home for college and never returned. I was "fortunate" to have my medical career ended by a TBI in 2002, so I am not working and available to be with Dad. I "owe" him for all the hard work he did to support 6 kids, never complaining and always there for us. There are some frustrations, time away with my partner being the biggest, but after a year at this, the plan is to start making that happen over the coming year. I know I have to take care of "me" and "us" to be a healthy caregiver.

I think it's more important to be content than happy in life. Happiness is up and down, contentment is more consistent. I think I'll choose contentment with happy moments! :-)

I am just starting this journey, but I want to thank each of you for your truthfulness. You may/may not be happy but you are inspirational for me.
Please continue to share.

I am truly happy when I see my 82 year old husband late stage 5 ALZ helping me grooming my two dogs he vacuumed every bit off hair off the deck, then he vacuumed the family room as they walked some hair in there, then we had a beer together on the deck, I served dinner & he washed and dried the dishes, it is never going to be perfect, but I have found that moving into his world every morning he wakes, makes my day much easier. I keep him busy, he does not care what the job might be as long as he is helping, an oh how he loves that hug & kiss & lots of praise for what he has done. No it is not a bed of roses, I walk on eggshells just like. everyone else, I have police bring him back home at 2am only in his underware, he says inappropriate words in & out of the house, gets angry, refuses to shower, I have learned through this site not to sweat the small stuff, just to have him start his day out with a smile is enough for me

i was happy to help my mother but what caused me a lot of stress was watching my own life slipping by without meeting my personal objectives. normally im a very high output and productive person. mother passed away aug 1. by aug 3 i was back at home smashing a hole thru my basement wall and building a fireplace. been laying stone, pouring concrete, cutting firewood, and put a new floor in my truck bed and a new fuel tank in the truck. i miss mom but im happy to be able to line up jobs and knock em down like i usedta do. content is where im at right now. i gave mom the care and companionship she needed and she left me enough money to freshen up my equiptment and and get business moving again. life should go well. my renter pays the 200 dollar mortgage and i live in my own basement for my share of the utilities. best of all my trikes are garaged out of the weather and only 15 feet away from me.

I volunteered to take care of my friend, who I've known since 1977. Her husband died a year and half ago. She was in the beginning stages then. She has no children or family that can care for her. I am an easy going person who gets lots of exercise, have many of my own interests and friends. I was skeptical when I moved in with her and rented out my home, quit my job, etc. But guess what? I have never been happier! I love my life!

No.

I believe people who have found a way to be happy despite circumstances during their younger years will find some happiness while caregiving. The most important aspect of happy caregiving is to continue to do at least some activities you love. There is respite care in many forms throughout each state. There are days where I wonder why I am exhausted or frustrated and then have to laugh at myself. Caregiving is tough ,but you can be happy if you lean on the professionals who are there for you.Best wishes!

If you want to try it, take my dad for a year. I'll gladly give him to you. You'll be happy. Really.

Like the Captain said, its stressful but doesnt mean we dont enjoy it. One of the Best Feelings in the World is seeing my beautiful Mom who looks so well taken care of, and is Happy because of me! If we're going to do this, we need to find balance in our lives. I hired weekend help and morning help with Moms ss and when they are out, the pressure is on me again and its rough. I can go weeks without help, or have help weekends for weeks, all depends on their schedules too and we have to be flexible . I would never want my Mom to think she is a burden, I know I wouldnt want to be in someones home that didnt want me. Trying my best here and yes I am very happy to be healthy enough to take care of my Mom, and yes, I miss my life as it was, but ...following my heart and honoring my Mom, she deserves it.

I want whatever medication Reverseroles is taking....

All good answers above that emphasize the point my friends keep reminding me: there is no right or wrong on this journey....it is the patient's journey. But the word roller coaster resonated with me b/c I often describe myself as being on a roller coaster due to my mom's cancer journey (I'm an only child) and we never know what's around the corner. I just try to find something to be grateful for or happy about each day (silver linings) and can ALWAYS find something. Right now I'm so happy that her refrigerator makes ice on it's own and I don't have to fill ice trays. It's the little things. We have to fight to keep the depression away you guys! Fight for yourself. Caregiving should not take us down with them....they would not want that. Shore up your support networks, whoever they may be.

The difference comes from whether or not the care giver gets adequate support and respite.

No matter how much you LOVE someone or CARE for someone - not matter how NOBLE the cause - without regular respite and support - without having a life outside care giving - it is not possible to sustain happiness. The care giver WILL eventually crash and burn - it is just a matter of time. Sorry for the pessimism.

Some charges will retain their sense of humors, their mutual love for their care giver and their appreciation - but for many, their charges become self centered, consumed by pain and sorrow or just unable to 'think' clearly anymore and they end up doing things that would make most people cringe.

So, without help from other family members - if you find yourself the SOLE care giver for years and years - you will struggle with this fleeting concept of happiness. Sorry to be so pessimistic.

Oldcodger youre not being pessimistic youre being honest! I will take great care of my mum until I can no longer cope with no family around to help me so far so good shes just quite calm at the moment and still has excellent memory but this will get worse no matter how much we can expect to happen when it starts to happen then will i know just how much I can handle on my own!

Mom never has much of an appetite and eats very little.I just made her a sandwich of leftover chicken and cranberry sauce on white toast. She moaned and made noises like it was Filet and lobster. She said it was the best sandwich she ever had, tieing only with the one my Brother brought to the hospital, thanksgiving night in 2001. Yes! I am happy!

BonniChak---Oh I love when Mom does that too! I took her for a long wheelchair ride for a mile to my sons. He gave me a caramel apple pop and I held it while Mom licked it. (she cant talk) She kept saying MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM and we laughed which made her laugh and she would do it again, priceless!

BoniChak. Thanks for the laugh

I'm happy with taking care of my mom, but unhappy with not getting help from my siblings.

Happiness is like beauty... its all in the eyes of the beholder. What makes you happy might make me sad and vice versa. Overall today is a happier day than yesterday and that's about all I can ask for right now. :)

I am happy most of the time. There are some challenging days, but the good times together more than make up for them....like when my parents tell me they liked the dinner I just cooked. When Dad smiles because one of the cats sat still long enough to be petted. When my mom tells me she loves me.

I think being happy as a caregiver is dependent on how difficult one's circumstances are and whether or not one is willing to work though day-to-day challenges to find solutions that are optimal, not just acceptable.

What amazes me though, is the number of people on this site who care for a parent who is abusive. And the number of people who care for an in-law. And those who care for an older person while also caring for their young children and/or while they work full time. You folks are amazing.

I often come to this site looking for a practical solution to one problem or another. But sometimes I come simply for the support that only a fellow caregiver can give. Too often I read a story by someone whose heart is breaking. Almost always I leave, feeling more grateful and blessed. Thank you all. And God bless.

I'll expand on my previous answer: "No"

It's funny how Mom's behavior has gotten SOOOOOOO much better.......since I've been on the Zoloft. (wink)

Nooooo!!!!!!!!! Impossible.

For-profit assisted living facilities just care about $$$, not your loved one. My 90-year-old frail mom with memories issues and not much strength had an unexpected big, brawny guy crawl inti bed with her and touch her in inappropriate places. I found out 11 hours later. The situation is not resolved. I filed an Elder Abuse report. If you think that a big man touching your mother's t & a, actively is a great way to spend time, you need psychotherapy. I am so angry. I have told her grand kids and my husband. He does not think she can come back to my house, and is will admit that I am no spring chicken to do all she needs. So, what do you think? I expect a heart attack (my own) any moment. My mom is a sweet, kind person. I love her so much. We are both helpless...

Tomatilla,
It's awful what happened to your Mom. Has the ALF done anything to keep it from happening again?

I'm glad this question was asked. I am not happy about my parents at this difficult age of their life at all. We are 'fighting' their desire to be independent and drive. They've been in accidents and are supposed to be taking a DMV test, but they keep going at the wrong time. (2nd wrong time last week). My dad and mom have been so angry at me for different issues besides just the driving. There are a few happy moments, but today I'm more depressed and anxious. Tomorrow I get to 'discover' their financial 'bad spending' habits. Am I happy to know about their financial disaster? Absolutely no! I do not like this time of my life knowing their poor choices from the past. I'm much more anxious than happy about them. Sorry about expressing my anxiety.

I love wat I do, I have done the kind of work for 23yrs, I know I have made a difference in many people's lives, but most of all I know I'm making a truly special difference in my father's life. Everything I learned at a young age I learned from my mother (the nurse) true meaning of compassion. I am blessed god gave me success a special gift, its not just something anybody can do. God bless everyone

Jinx, the ONLY thing they did was fix her defective, not keyed to the master lock, door lock so that only "authorized" key holders could access her room. The new Director, who just started, is only covering her a**. My mom has been there 1 and a half years, very happy. Loves the activities, social time, and the good food. When turnover started happening, the place went down. Stolen clothes, nice sheets (we supply) and just stupid stuff. I am unable to sleep and if I do drift off, I have horrible nightmares. This most recent episode makes me want to just buy a condo and take care of her. (Bye, hubby!) It is ridiculous that our state and country just does not care about elders. I loved my grandparents and their children took care of them. I was so sad when they passed, but I knew that my uncle did everything he could. My husband's parents are gone. My mom has a great-granddaughter and another on the way. She is delighted. So I do not know what to do. Please excuse my grammatical errors earlier. I was upset. Both my mom and I were high school English teachers with Masters degrees. We are not stupid, but we are feeling like the world is. She has little money but I did get her well-deserved VA benefits after 2 years of hard work. I just do not know what to do. I will be broke or dead before she is from all the stress. Good morning and have a good day. I will be waiting for the investigator... Thanks for your kindness.

Sure there are. They get paid for what they do and usually work in that chosen field. The unhappy ones become caregivers by default, having an elderly parent.
Those few that happily are caring for an aging parent must have had very loving and caring parents growing up.

Debralee, Also their parents don't have dementia or incontinence, and have the good grace to die in a year or two after becoming impossible to care for!

Please don't blast me - I'm half joking, and generalizing. But it's easier by far to care for someone nice for two years than to care for someone nasty for 15 years.