My mom is going on 95. She has ongoing dementia. She will always eat a good breakfast and lunch. When it comes to dinner alot of times she says she is not hungry and doesn’t want to eat. Do I let it go or do what I have to to get her to eat?
Let it go. Offer food. But never force. If she is having problems with utensils finger foods are great. Watch for "pocketing" of food. You may have to mince or puree foods. Start with her larger most calorie dense meal in the morning. And...give her what she wants. If she will eat a bowl of ice cream for "dinner" let her have ice cream.
Oh..if and or when she stops eating and drinking PLEASE do not have a feeding tube placed. They can cause more problems than they solve and can lead to pain or discomfort. If her body can not process the food it can cause blockages or if it causes her to vomit that can lead to aspiration pneumonia.
Hi Grandma 1954.! My 96 year old mother with dementia…now in SNF since April…started having days where she refuses meds, drink & food…yesterday was first time she wouldn’t eat anything from what I brought from home….even her favorite chocolate ice cream…today I came to feed her & she ate/drank everything…I know from experience with her being home with me for so many years…if she doesn’t take the Seroquel, then she won’t eat or drink. My mother lost 7 pounds from last month…now 103lbs & she’s about 4 ft 11 inches…last November she was 114 lbs. The facility has her on purée & I requested kosher… sometimes if she refuses it, I take it home, reheat it & bring it back in a microwave container. I hate for it to go to waste.
I also agree to not force her. My Mom's also 94 and just doesn't eat as much as she used to, even though she's very physically active for someone her age. Sometimes she's so tired at night she can't even make herself a simple dinner (so I do it for her).
Do you have any way to know if your Mom is having constipation? Often it makes you not feel hungry. If she's on any pain meds, even like Tylenol or Advil, these can block a person up.
She's eating a "good breakfast and lunch" so who cares if she doesn't want to eat dinner? At 94 she's earned the right to eat when she wants and if she wants. Please don't waste your time worrying about such a non-issue when I'm sure you have many more important things to be concerned about. She'll be just fine if she doesn't eat any dinner.
Husbands 99 year old grandmother would often have ice cream for dinner when she was still at home. She did this for several years and it didn’t seem to cause her any problems. Now in AL she eats their dinner.
My mom begin to decline meals. She loved breakfast so I tried to get her to eat hardy each morning to make up for the lack of food later.
I focused on food that would provide calories for her rather than volume. As she aged and her dementia became more severe, she started to dislike food that she had always loved. So trying new things that were not normally in her diet may be a good suggestion also.
My mom did start to pocket food and, as she declined, she started to have chewing issues. You may have to be flexible with textures and be aware of ease of swallowing. My mom loved Ensure juice (not the typical Ensure). That gave her some calories when I could not get her to eat. That is an option also.
People typically eat MUCH less when they are older. I am 81. I eat usually one meal a day at about 3 p.m. I would not worry about this. She is 94. Eventually your mother will come to the end of wanting food, even of being able to swallow, as when one lives long and long and longer changes occur.
I think it is unfair to bother elders about what and how often and when they are eating. It is much like the bullying that happens often enough to little children that makes food a trial rather than a joy and often has lifelong repercussions for them. My advice with your Mom is to allow her to eat what she likes, how often and whatever amounts she likes.
Agree. I also eat one meal/day (have for years) but quantity is less now. I eat dinner which consists of a green salad with some chicken or fish added, a roll and a few bites of something sweet for dessert. I lost 80 lbs. a l-o-o-ng time ago in my 20s and vowed to keep it off, which I have, so my eating pattern has become pretty habitual. I wouldn't appreciate being coerced to eat differently at this point but, of course, who knows what potentially unwelcome changes may come my way?
To naysayers: yeah, I know, it may not be right for many, but it's worked for me. I do have a snack during the day sometimes. Since I'm still here at 86, which I didn't expect to be for sure, I must have done something right.
If you are worried about mom's caloric intake--I can tell you that elderly, very immobile people can live for a very long time on what it basically starvation diet. My MIL has been eating around 300-400 calories a day for 9 months. She's still here and actually, doing pretty well. The Hospice nurses all told us that she couldn't subsist in so little, but truth is, we fully expect her to live another year.
Leave her alone. Not worth one second of a 'battle'. Forcing her to eat could make the situation worse. She's fine. Just make sure she's hydrated, that's more important than eating anyway.
My mother nibbled during the day, a bite here and a bite there. She lost her appetite. Still, she lived to be 95 years old. I wouldn’t push her into eating big meals.
My mom told me that she only ate because it was necessary. She really wasn’t very hungry.
Let her eat what she enjoys. I served my mother on lunch sized plates. If she saw a large plate of food she would immediately say, “That’s too much food. I can’t possibly eat all of that!”
You can always make smoothies for your mom to get additional nutrients. My mom enjoyed drinking smoothies. If you’re looking for an easy way to add protein, add peanut butter to a banana smoothie. Throw in a cup of yogurt too.
How active is she? I wouldn’t necessarily expect a 95 year old to be that hungry for dinner. My husband is only 63 and sometimes he doesn’t want dinner. If she eats well two meals a day you’re doing fine.
It's not a big deal unless she is on any meds that shouldn't be taken on an empty stomach, one other concern may be that she is also cutting back on fluids. Perhaps try just a drink and light snack in the evening - crackers and cheese or fruit, a dessert or if she's losing weight a supplement like boost or ensure.
I am 76 and only eat two meals a day, breakfast and mid lunch. The only time I eat dinner in the evening is when I go out to eat with friends, then I do not eat lunch.
Let it go. She may eventually refuse all food and you will have to let that go too as it may mean her body is slowly shutting down.
She is nearly 95. This is not the same as getting a child to finish their food if they want a treat afterwards. Please take her age into consideration and allow her some autonomy in her life.
I can remember my grandmother, who lived to be 97 and was a retired nurse, eating pretty much the same "light" breakfast and supper for many years and with her main meal (dinner) at noon. For breakfast she'd have a doughnut, coffee, and orange juice. For a light meal before bed she'd have peanut butter (always Skippy brand) on saltines with a glass of milk. She also had afternoon tea around 4, usually with something sweet. Dinner was a normal menu for her generation--meat, chicken, or fish with veggies, potatoes, etc. She actually took care of a younger sister who had some degree of dementia and who had very bad vision and hearing in her last years and she would fix breakfast and supper for her. During her last years, my grandmother did have some help at home, a neighbor lady who did some cleaning, laundry, dishes and dinner cooking--the latter under close supervision by my grandmother! Your mom sounds as though she's probably getting enough to eat, even if she's not having dinner. As others have said, just "front load" breakfast and lunch with plenty of calories and nutritious food she'll eat. Have lunch be her main meal ("dinner") if she's OK with that.
My mother is 96 and does the same. Sometimes she doesn’t even want her favorite- vanilla ice cream. And. Sometimes she only wants ice cream. At their age give them what they want. I would not sweat it. Just find a way to give something small if she has to take meds.
As long as she is eating one meal a day I think it’s okay . My parents who are 95 barely eat but haven’t lost any weight to speak of. . My mother will have eggs and toast for breakfast. That’s her big meal for the day.
they both really like ice cream these days. My mother also likes small snacks during the during the day. She eats a lot of nuts which are high in calories. My father likes pastina soup and that’s about it aside from the ice cream. He just does not want to eat any more. It has been months now that he’s eating like this but he is none the worse for it.
It’s more important that they keep hydrated. Getting my mother to drink enough water is more of a concern to me.
If she’s getting plenty of nutrients throughout the day, then I wouldn’t worry. My 95 YO Dad has dimentia, and I usually just set out some fun snacks before I leave. Maybe a fruit cup, a small bag of nuts etc. and a cut up apple in the fridge? He can snack on these and still maintain a healthy blood sugar level. Hope this helps!
Let it go.... Respect her rights to choose.... Never force food... Remember also that if a person, in this case, your mother is eating two times a day, that is sufficient for ones daily nourishment; especially as we age we require less food, and appetite changes as do taste buds. Please relax, and don't add more stress and anxiety to yourself nor your mother about an evening meal. Remember also that we all regardless of age need to listen to what our bodies tell us including if we do not feel hungry, we should not eat just because the clock says it's mid day or evening... Hydration is important also. Be sure she has fresh water available and is encouraged, but not forced , to drink liquids. Be sure to give choices among the food groups at the two meals a day she does choose to eat. And don't worry if she chooses to eat small amounts. This is actually good for us all to remember about portion control.
Sounds like she is doing well. At some point be prepared for her to reduce her food intake even more ...
Dear Caregiver, First of all, thank you for your loving and compassionate care of your mother. Let’s step back for a moment. Take a deep breath. My experience of nearly fifty years, has taught me that on the one hand, let’s call this an orange metaphorically speaking, No one wants one they love to die. You don’t, you will die.
Now on the other hand, let’s call this an apple, one’s medical condition, aging, etc is what is at hand. An orange and an apple, each separate and needs to be addressed.
Let’s get back to your mom. As we age, particularly at your mother’s age, one eats less. Eating a good breakfast and lunch as you reeducate, is enough for your mom. Cooking for your mom is a great delight, so when this becomes limited, it becomes your issue as a caregiver, of not doing enough. And not doing enough, feeling guilty, makes you feel on one level, consciously or uncontrollably like you are pulling the plug. And you are not. You simply recognize there is as apple, the aging condition of your mother.
Thank you for being a caregiver.
Dr. Edward Smink, Author of the “Soul of Caregiving, A Caregiver’s Guide to Healing a Transformation.”
See if you can get drinks that have protein in them and see if she will drink that at night. I wouldn't tell her that it has the protein in it. Sometimes it is easier to drink than eat.
I drink PROTEIN2O which is protein infused water it has 15g of protein in it and it has the electrolytes in it too. It helps me when I can't eat. 6g of total carbs, 110mg of sodium. There are other drinks out there that have protein too.
My personal opinion is to not worry about it. She’s eating two good meals a day and at 94 that’s great. I’m 70 and on hospice for liver, parateniel and kidney cancer and who knows what else lol. I barely eat and mostly have to force calories in when I can tolerate them. And I’m getting along. With dementia you’ve plenty on your shoulders and my heart goes out to you. 💖
My mother is 92, has dementia, and has very little appetite. However, she eats fairly well at breakfast and lunch. When you consider how little exercise they are getting, 2 meals a day is sufficient. No worries. Let her enjoy snacking and you enjoy her.
Many of these answers about not infantalizing them and letting them eat what they want are helpful. But what if the parent (84 years old) has diabetes? Sometimes she eats sweets and then skips healthy meals. Other times she does not eat at all and her blood sugar goes haywire. It seems that this advice does not apply to certain conditions
Offer food. But never force.
If she is having problems with utensils finger foods are great.
Watch for "pocketing" of food.
You may have to mince or puree foods.
Start with her larger most calorie dense meal in the morning.
And...give her what she wants. If she will eat a bowl of ice cream for "dinner" let her have ice cream.
Oh..if and or when she stops eating and drinking PLEASE do not have a feeding tube placed. They can cause more problems than they solve and can lead to pain or discomfort. If her body can not process the food it can cause blockages or if it causes her to vomit that can lead to aspiration pneumonia.
Do you have any way to know if your Mom is having constipation? Often it makes you not feel hungry. If she's on any pain meds, even like Tylenol or Advil, these can block a person up.
Please don't waste your time worrying about such a non-issue when I'm sure you have many more important things to be concerned about. She'll be just fine if she doesn't eat any dinner.
I focused on food that would provide calories for her rather than volume. As she aged and her dementia became more severe, she started to dislike food that she had always loved. So trying new things that were not normally in her diet may be a good suggestion also.
My mom did start to pocket food and, as she declined, she started to have chewing issues. You may have to be flexible with textures and be aware of ease of swallowing. My mom loved Ensure juice (not the typical Ensure). That gave her some calories when I could not get her to eat. That is an option also.
I think it is unfair to bother elders about what and how often and when they are eating. It is much like the bullying that happens often enough to little children that makes food a trial rather than a joy and often has lifelong repercussions for them. My advice with your Mom is to allow her to eat what she likes, how often and whatever amounts she likes.
To naysayers: yeah, I know, it may not be right for many, but it's worked for me. I do have a snack during the day sometimes. Since I'm still here at 86, which I didn't expect to be for sure, I must have done something right.
If you are worried about mom's caloric intake--I can tell you that elderly, very immobile people can live for a very long time on what it basically starvation diet. My MIL has been eating around 300-400 calories a day for 9 months. She's still here and actually, doing pretty well. The Hospice nurses all told us that she couldn't subsist in so little, but truth is, we fully expect her to live another year.
Leave her alone. Not worth one second of a 'battle'. Forcing her to eat could make the situation worse. She's fine. Just make sure she's hydrated, that's more important than eating anyway.
My mom told me that she only ate because it was necessary. She really wasn’t very hungry.
Let her eat what she enjoys. I served my mother on lunch sized plates. If she saw a large plate of food she would immediately say, “That’s too much food. I can’t possibly eat all of that!”
You can always make smoothies for your mom to get additional nutrients. My mom enjoyed drinking smoothies. If you’re looking for an easy way to add protein, add peanut butter to a banana smoothie. Throw in a cup of yogurt too.
This is very common as we age.
She is nearly 95. This is not the same as getting a child to finish their food if they want a treat afterwards. Please take her age into consideration and allow her some autonomy in her life.
they both really like ice cream these days. My mother also likes small snacks during the during the day. She eats a lot of nuts which are high in calories. My father likes pastina soup and that’s about it aside from the ice cream. He just does not want to eat any more. It has been months now that he’s eating like this but he is none the worse for it.
It’s more important that they keep hydrated. Getting my mother to drink enough water is more of a concern to me.
Respect her rights to choose....
Never force food...
Remember also that if a person, in this case, your mother is eating two times a day, that is sufficient for ones daily nourishment; especially as we age we require less food, and appetite changes as do taste buds.
Please relax, and don't add more stress and anxiety to yourself nor your mother about an evening meal.
Remember also that we all regardless of age need to listen to what our bodies tell us including if we do not feel hungry, we should not eat just because the clock says it's mid day or evening...
Hydration is important also. Be sure she has fresh water available and is encouraged, but not forced , to drink liquids.
Be sure to give choices among the food groups at the two meals a day she does choose to eat. And don't worry if she chooses to eat small amounts.
This is actually good for us all to remember about portion control.
Sounds like she is doing well. At some point be prepared for her to reduce her food intake even more ...
Now on the other hand, let’s call this an apple, one’s medical condition, aging, etc is what is at hand. An orange and an apple, each separate and needs to be addressed.
Let’s get back to your mom. As we age, particularly at your mother’s age, one eats less. Eating a good breakfast and lunch as you reeducate, is enough for your mom. Cooking for your mom is a great delight, so when this becomes limited, it becomes your issue as a caregiver, of not doing enough. And not doing enough, feeling guilty, makes you feel on one level, consciously or uncontrollably like you are pulling the plug. And you are not. You simply recognize there is as apple, the aging condition of your mother.
Thank you for being a caregiver.
Dr. Edward Smink, Author of the “Soul of Caregiving, A Caregiver’s Guide to Healing a Transformation.”
I drink PROTEIN2O which is protein infused water it has 15g of protein in it and it has the electrolytes in it too. It helps me when I can't eat. 6g of total carbs, 110mg of sodium. There are other drinks out there that have protein too.
A fruit smoothie offers an opportunity to load up on hidden nutrients.