Any advice on restarting and rebuilding your life in midlife after full-time caregiving at home for years?

I think it was a GOOD thing you did to move mom to Memory Care. There comes a time when dementia becomes too much for one person to handle alone at home. My mother went into MC herself at 92 and lived for nearly 3 years there, with excellent care & quite a lot of activities & stimulation every day. She was always busy with lots to do, thank God, and I know the quality of her life was better there than it would have been alone with only me for company. #Truth. She lived to 95 and the parade of caregivers through her room during the final week of her life was a testament to how much she was loved by them.

That said, I feel like you need to see your primary care doctor now for a possible prescription for anti depressants. You've lost yourself in the midst of caring for mom for so long. You're feeling unwarranted guilt for her having a disease that was not of your making, nor something you could possibly fix. Old age & infirmity is not within anyone's hands to fix but God's. Death is an inevitability for all of us, no matter what steps we take to prevent it. Wishing things could be different, or that we could be Superwoman doesn't change the facts of how things are. You may need a bit of help now that you're alone and trying to process what's known as anticipatory grief. And guilt for sending mom to Memory Care for 24/7 care. Anti depressants helped me a LOT when I was anxiety ridden after suffering a traumatic event in 2000. They cleared up my thinking so that I was able to relax and formulate a plan of action instead of stay mired in fear, sadness & sleeplessness. There is no shame in asking for help.

Once your head clears up a bit and you're able to smile again, think about rebuilding your life, one step at a time. You're still young at 52; certainly young enough to make new friends, date, join a book club, go on a singles cruise, all sorts of things. BUT, when you're depressed and not thinking clearly, it all seems undoable and impossible. You feel too tired and lethargic to do anything at all. That's probably where you're at right now, after being the sole caregiver to mom for so long. Now there's 'nothing' and you feel all alone and isolated.

Here is a link to a book, After Caregiving Ends, A Guide to Beginning Again: Support, Suggestions and Stories to Help You Heal and Step Into Next, by Denise M. Brown, that may be helpful for you to read:

https://www.amazon.com/After-Caregiving-Guide-Beginning-Again/dp/B09M9M888M/ref=asc_df_B09M9M888M/?tag=hyprod-20&linkCode=df0&hvadid=564725475526&hvpos=&hvnetw=g&hvrand=3525066860004235113&hvpone=&hvptwo=&hvqmt=&hvdev=c&hvdvcmdl=&hvlocint=&hvlocphy=9052218&hvtargid=pla-1599454523985&psc=1

Wishing you the best of luck. Sending you a hug & a prayer that all goes well for you, my friend.

I understand your feelings of emptiness now that your responsibilities have lessened. It hasn't been very long since your mom's move to memory care. I wouldn't suggest doing anything drastic right now, but rather to begin slowly finding activities, preferably with other people. Do you have a job or was your full-time + job taking care of your mom? We all like to feel that we are contributing, so if you don't already have a job, would you like to find one that you like and maybe even get a small apartment in the town where the job is? Make the rural home a weekend place to go. Small steps toward building a new life is what has to happen now. Give yourself a break. This is really difficult. Don't let yourself get overwhelmed with all that has changed. One thing at a time.

You are not alone! Take one step and one day at a time! You are still young!

I'm now 78 but when I was 62 I took care of my Mom with a stroke induced dementia for about 3 years while working full time. Luckily I never lost contact with my old friends (would check in via email just to say Hi even while caring for her) but about 2 months after her passing, I grabbed my camera and a book and checked into a hotel in the Shenandoah valley for two night. Got some great photos (I had no idea what I was doing... just got lucky) and got very immersed in the book that I read at night. It was a rebirth. The old mare may not have burst out of the starting gate but out I ambled. The sun was shining, people were laughing, music was playing and I decided to join the world again. Got a dog and took her to training classes met some people there and made a few real friends. Took a local dance class. Met some folks there and had a ball. Went to CA to visit some friends I'd made years ago. They took me to a ballet performance and afterwards we went to the ballet after performance celebration. There was low level latin background music on and while I was nibbling on my shrimp appetizer I did a very slight samba movement and heard a voice say " I remember you. And you did that move really well". It was a guy who'd been watching my dance class a year ago! He joined our party insisted we all have a late dinner and he and I have been dancing ever since!

So the world is waiting for you to join it. Doesn't matter how you get out of the starting gate as long as you get out. You don't have to have a dog to go to the dog park. Admire people's dogs and you will meet all sorts of people who are potential friends and sidekicks. Indulge in a hobby or something you always wanted to explore ........... painting, writing, photography; learn a musical skill ... piano, flute, guitar; learn a new language.... Spanish is pretty easy to learn and practice and could take you places in the future.
The world is waiting for your presence. Get out there and make yourself known!
Good luck and keep us updated

First realize you are an absolute HERO. Your cape is just tattered and in need of mending. Start by enjoying small tasks, small things. Second, please realize you are YOUNG! I would love to be 52 again, but I am a YOUNG 67! Deep breath, smile, forward. Thanks for sharing your story.

Saint,, one step at a time my friend. You feel like its too much right now,, but chose something this week to move ahead,, and the other steps will be easier. As to a job,, maybe you have lost skills at your old job,, can you take an online course or two to catch up? or do you have a thing you enjoy that could lead to even a part time job to get you motivated,. So many places are looking for help these days,, maybe not high pay but a "fun"job? I would love to work at a bookshop, or a gift shop, or volunteer at an animal shelter! Get out and meet people that way! The first step is hard,, but you will meet people. Some people join a church, or try to reconnect to old friends.. you may find thier "petty concerns" are more bearable now that you can drop some caregiving

SS, you can restart, I did it at 61. I was able to return to my profession after four years of 24/7 care for my mom and her hubby. How?

I looked in the state of my residence, where I was born and raised. I was not able to even get an interview. I applied to adjoining states and did get an interview and was hired. I had to be willing to think outside the box. I moved from a major metro area to a small town of 25,000 or so.

I spent a year there, I was not happy, and then was able to move back to my home state and was in my next position for five years. Now I am onto the next, just this year. I am hoping this will be the job i retire from. Each move got me closer to what I had lost before the caregiving.

There are so many jobs out there. You need to find the courage to be willing to go to a market that is not as competitive.

I did it, so can you. And you are ten years younger than I was.I

Contact your Work Force Center, they can provide all sorts of resources to help you. It is NOT a hopeless situation.

When I'm in your shoes I'm going to use the same process that worked for me after my (ex) husband up and left me after 24 years of marriage and being a SAHM.

First, take the pressure off of yourself to get your life re-established in a certain period of time. Rest. Then take the first small step - it may be doing some cleaning out and purging. It may be just looking at new places to live. It may be talking with a realtor about the house. Just one thing at a time and then step back again and process the options before making a decision.

What brings you joy? Gardening? Painting? Resurrecting old furniture? Do that.

You could add to your education in an area that interests you. There are credentials that you can earn that will help you in a job search. Paralegal? Personal Trainer? At home medical coding? Lots of stuff out there.

Ditch the fear of new things if you can. Don't listen to the naysayers.

((Hugs))

Don’t look at the “whole” take it day by day. Tomorrow start deep breathing then take a short walk. Next day the same and make one phone call couple of days later go shopping and make a point of talking to someone even if it just to ask what aisle is the sugar. Etc. By the way if you do start job hunting be sure to include the years you were taking care of your mom on your resume you might be surprised. You are a good daughter and a good person. Be proud of what you did for your mom. Good luck.
PS: don’t be in a rush to move.

I hope you take the advice that is given here. It is all really good advice. At 52, you are young enough to have it all. I agree with the person who said your sister saved you. You are so lucky to have a supportive family. Years ago, a therapist told me to act on everything I think I might like to do. This was in response to me bemoaning the fact that I didn’t have a life and too tired of trying. I’m single. She said if I thought I wanted to take up fencing, then do it, if I wanted a dog, get one. I didn’t take her advice until now, easily 20 years later! Don’t let yourself get stuck! Don’t go down the caregiving rabbit hole. It’s very hard to climb out. Thank your sister and become your mom’s daughter!