What is up with extreme anxiety in our elders?

As long as I'm in hot water already, I may as well heat up the kettle some more. I wrote this one day when I couldn't stand anymore whining:

BLAZING SADDLES: My friend Judy’s mother-in-law and stepmother seem to be in a race with mine to win the Demanding Derby, vying for more attention than we can possibly give. We're at the gate. There's the bell--and they're off!

Rounding the first bend is "Little Old Constipated Lady," followed by
"I Hava Da Hives." Bringing up the rear is "Needs Another Enema." Here comes
"I Don’t Like Shrimp" gaining on "I Am Having Da Vorst Headache In Da Whole Vorld!" Running neck and neck are "You Haven't Called Me Since This Morning" and "I Wanna Die."

Ohmygawd! Will ya look at that! They've been edged out by
"Suffering More Than Anybody in the Spanish Inquisition."

Overtaking them all is "My Dotter-in-Law Don't Liking Me." Close on her tail is
"I Can’t Do Nuttin’ Without Al." It's gonna be a close call but here they come:
"I Wanna Die" on the inner rail, "All I Get Is A Kickinna Ass" on the outer rail and "Nobody Has Any Problems But Me" by a nose. And at the finish it's
"All I Get Is a Kickinna Ass" to the Whiner’s Circle! Will someone please wake up the jockey so we can present her award?!

Cranky selfish old people were once cranky, selfish young people. I have taken care of several people including my grandparents. My mother died of breast cancer and moaned at night from the pain in her bones but she wanted to live every moment. Her mother died of pneumonia at a much older age and she didn't complain either. There are sweet elderly people who deal with unbearable tragedies and soldier on. And then there are the whiners, snivelers, misery incorporated who are mad that they are growing old and take it out on their caregivers. My grandmother had senile dementia, too. If she got out of the house, she tried to go back to her hometown to make supper for her four children (long grown and gone) but she never complained. The complainers are in a league of their own. If you look back, you will see it has been one of their habits even then.

i depict a european neanderthal elder after becoming too frail to contribute , ocd'ing, handwringing and bitchin till it invoked someone to push em off a ledge thus conserving resources for the rest of the clan, so yes i think the behavior has an evolutionary back story.

Interesting question, my father in the last two months has lost his ability to drive, live alone and feel independent. If I did not welcome him into my home (which was never a question) he would be forced into a nursing home. He lives on social security and a small pension. He was born during the depression and has lived through five wars, participating in one of them (Korea). He has seen man go to the moon, put satellites in space, go from 3 stations on TV to 300, cell phone, microwaves and so many other inventions that people take for granted today. All of which could be taken away in a moment if he falls splits open his head because he can not walk so well any longer or his oxygen stops working because of his COPD. I cannot imagine why he has anxiety.

I am an "elder" - well, at 65 yrs. and my husband is almost 87 and we don't have anymore anxiety than young people. In fact, with secure lifetime incomes, we have less to be anxious about than younger people. We just have to take good care of ourselves and mother nature will handle the rest. It all depends on whether or not you choose to let things bother you. The longest elders living let things roll off their shoulders, are kind to others, and don't worry about their health. A strong belief system is also necessary as is loving friends. Family members are not always loving though. Don't ever underestimate the power of aging!

Sorry for my blatant exaggeration. Ever since she was 76 my MIL would call up every other day or so and insist, "I will be dead any day now." "I want to see my Al once last time before I close my eyes." I told her, "You have no specific morbidity--better find something to do because you will live to at least 98." She would wave her hands dismissively. Guess who's gonna be dead any day now for the last 22 years and still has better heart function than me and better kidney function than my husband?! YUP! Good OL' I'LL BE DEAD ANY DAY NOW. If only!!!!!

Oh I wish I could remember the comedian who did the "dinner race" ("Roast Beef on the outside, followed by Mashed Potatoes, Gravy coming up from behind....")!

So, as far as the anxiety thing, I vote for a mix of native anxiety no longer controlled emotions, combined with the realization that one is absolutely HELPLESS. If my 97 year old neighbor falls she can NOT get up on her own. She is 100% dependent on others to survive. So yeah, that would be scary, & add that to whatever personality quirks the person had to begin with 17 call a day to the family members who (not surprisingly) quit answering their phones!

FedUp --Any way you can put these two birdies on the phone together and let them whine & kvetch to each other for a few hours a day directly about the misery of the universe and keep you out of the mix? Maybe don't even ask...just whisper "it's for you" and hand the phone off....

In this house, (I can only answer for my experience, not conjecture about your situations but hope this helps), the over-reaction to small life events (such as ants) is a bid for attention, an expression of the anger my MIL has because she got old and her life is out of control: i.e. her husband is dead, she is living here instead of in her own condo, her body aches from arthritis and she is depressed. Depression is anger. She probably thinks she does a good job of keeping her feelings in check but in reality, she had the bad habit of constant complaining and she never liked anything even when she was in her forties. This also harks back to being an immigrant and feeling like an outsider when they came to live in the states. Such a major upheaval in her thirties was something she couldn't overcome. To feel better about herself, she snipes at others. I found that the only thing that helped was massage. Seniors are touch-starved. Hire someone even twice a month to come and give her a light body massage. I noticed my mother-in-law's mood changed after one of those. It was and still is a daily stuggle to get her to do anything. She wants to sit, do nothing, see nobody but but her son, and complain. I drew the line at that. I could not stand her depression stacked up on mine. It made the difference between me surviving her living here and wanting to go out into the back yard and put a bullet in my head. I have been open, honest, even blunt about this: I had to tell her I don't care anymore because she would have drowned me in her misery. There has to be a limit, a small circle of hope where I can escape to, that she can't enter. A place where no one else can strip away what little resilience I have. She hates that she can't control me and she never stops trying. But when I can't run away to a foreign place (after my own car accident walking 5 feet is difficult), I can sit on the back porch with a cup of coffee and watch the geese on the pond or a sunset. I can take photos with my digital camera and edit them. When I can't sleep and am tossing and turning in pain, I can meditate, listen to healing music, or help others who DO appreciate my efforts. I have no expectations that anything here will get better. Things will only get worse. It is not all about her anymore and she is never going to forgive me for that, and I don't care. An overreaction to anything going on in my MIL's life is and always was a bid for attention. The more they react, the more they want you to drop everything and run over there. I used to answer her phony calls for help until her friends tipped me off that she was just mad that my husband was living with me, not her. I told her, my marriage vows said "forsaking ALL others--that includes YOU!" and "til death do us part--I married him. I didn't rent him 'til his mommy wants him back!"

Living in a culture that reinforces the idea that being old is synonymous with being useless and of no value certainly increases anxiety in old age. Mom has Alzheimers and can't age in place (per the police in the little town where she lived, who picked he up and dropped her at the local psych ward, where I picked her up and had to sign paperwork saying she would not go back home). As a culture we don't know how to value our children or our elders. That's enough to make anyone feel useless.

@ fedupnow,
i completely agree with you. i once done a 14 month hepc treatment that made a walking skeleton out of me. my 17 yr old son worked with me and i made a point to never groan, sigh, or complain. didnt want to beat him down with it. i think a lot of elders came from big families where you had to have bubonic plague six months a year just to stand out and get attention. my mothers idea of conversation for 60 years has been her health issues. its simple to me. when you get out of bed in the morning and immediately start bellyaching nobody will ask anything out of you all day. its already been established that your feeling brokedick..