Anger management for caregivers only.

Leave the room for a while if at all possible safely.

The anger is justifiable. Of course, that would make any one angry! Try writing the justification. Try venting it in a safe place. Make sure everyone knows you are just venting, though, and aren't looking for advice like "find a nursing home."

Remind yourself that you chose this commitment and you cold choose to change your mind. Not that you plan to, but that you could. You are doing this by choice.

Take care of yourself. Address your own health needs. See your doctors. See your dentists. Get some exercise. Eat well. Sleep well. The healthier you are, the better you can deal with this kind of stress.

Arrange respite. I KNOW this is easier said than done. Been there and found this extremely difficult. But regular breaks are essential to avoid complete burnout.

One can eat only so much ice cream. That used to work for me.
There is so much healthy information out there and I rarely ever want to go to the doctor for myself. So, when the top of my head wants to fly off, I get some fresh parsley and eat it to lower my blood pressure. That's one technique.
What do others do? There is no one going to come here and do my job for me, so I must keep strong. It actually only requires part-time (if one counts hours), but the commitment requires 24 hours supervision and being vigilant. Feeling always on duty. Others feeling that way?

Send, I know a lot of what you are feeling. It can be like being shut in a cage with someone poking sticks at you. Sometimes instead of the oft-quoted "It's not the person, it's the disease," I think we ought to say, "It's not you, it's just the position you're in." No one should be put alone in the position that caregivers often face.

This is fresh in my mind, because my mother came into my room screaming like a banshee that if I didn't set up the humidifier than she was going to die right now. She started screaming about how I should always have it going. (The house is already 69% humidity, so we know it's not the air being dry.) She went on yelling at me and scared my rabbit away from her dinner and probably sent my bp through the roof with her hysterics. And if someone tells me that it's not her, it's the disease, all I will do is to say "bite me."

But m'lid I have been to anger management classes and I can attest I followed their instructions to the letter

How to control my anger in easy steps...

Firstly you must understand that they cannot help the way they are... SO
Get sleep when you can because you need your strength
Eat healthy food because you need your strength
Never engage in an argument walk away
If you can satisfy their need calmly then do so then walk away and smile
Call help when you need help
Finally Get time away from your loved one

So m'lud I followed those steps to the letter.....
I booked Mum and I into a hotel with adjoined rooms and I gave mum a sleeping tablet so I could sleep too - we both slept for 8 hours
I ordered and ate a fine steak
Mum asked me to give her arsenic so instead of arguing I went to the shops and got some and gave it to her...then I walked away smiling
I called the ambulance because I knew she would need help
And now I am going to be given a prison sentence so I will be away from Mum

Anger management classes do work!

Thanks Jeanne! Must remember to keep doing those things. I think that I've got the going in the other room thing mastered! Or, stepping outside to gain a new perspective. Sometimes I am not even aware how I have suppressed the anger for dH benefit until we leave the house, and thoughts just seem to spill out.
I have had some good days-trips for ice cream help us both. Actually, there is never an entire day that is 'a good day'. I have been trying very hard, but find that ideas of how to get help just make it worse and end in frustration.
Mostly, I am hoping this thread will help others too. Daily. My yard and garden look nice this year, so gardening therapy has helped me tremendously.

Just being on this forum!
Helping others has also helped me.

Redirecting the anger to its genuine source. We got made at Lewy a lot. (Coy had Lewy Body Dementia.)

BTW, Send, you have built a life that matters. It may not be the ultra-wealthy life so idolized in America, but it is a good and kind life. Now if you could only have a bit of fun.

I have come to the conclusion that support from professionals - and I mean support not bloody lip service is all we actually need and today has been a good day for me. the doctors has restricted what i can do and is putting in place help for ME when it comes to things like fecal impaction - I HAVE A TELEPHONE NUMBER FOR OUT OF HOURS! I am so excited.

The memory nurse is going to recommend memantine AND INSISTS I get 6 weeks respite a year - I am beside myself. Now if all this comes to fruition I will be like a dog with two tails!

This is my first time on a forum like this. So much helpful advice! especially useful for me is the don't-engage-in-arguments and walk-out-of-the-room strategies, coz I can be so easily engaged by my dh's irrational, illogical arguments. Jeanne mentioned respite. So desperately needed but so hard to find! Could anyone give any more info or pointers?