Am I really not doing enough?

I feel your pain! It’s never enough. I live with my mom and it still isn’t enough!

I agree with Cali, present them with a bill!

Thanks Guys. I'm not in the USA. We don't have many specialists on my island. Different islands have different specialists.

You should present your siblings with an invoice for every hour of your time that this trip will require, at the normal hourly rate of a doctor plus all the travel expenses involved in taking your mom to the doctor and ask them when you can expect payment for your services. Maybe they’ll get the point then?

I feel for you--My SIL is in the last year of Fellowship in his field. He's been in medical school/Phd research for the last 13 years and has one year left in fellow and then he will begin working in his field.

They have had 3 kids in this time, and they have been POOR. They were buying a car for their growing family and the car dealer couldn't believe that a doctor had to finance part of the cost. Why weren't they rich??

Well, they have never starved and we have helped them out all along, and when my SIL begins working in his field, he will be making an amazing amount of money---but he's been in school for 14 years!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My SIL was never expected to stop what he's doing to run a sick relative to another dr's appt. They can skype him in to the appt if they need his input, but your family needs to realize that a drs time is worth so much more than the hourly wage they get paid. And PCP's (which I think you must be, as you didn't do a specialty)..do not make a ton of money.

You're just going to have to say no. You can put in your 2 cents' worth but you are not the doc in charge here.

I do text my SIL for 2nd opinions occasionally and he has been a great support in my battle with cancer, but he isn't an oncologist, so his field of expertise doesn't help me much.

I respect his time and his need to focus on his learning. As a new practicing physician you are more than overwhelmed with work.

No shame, no guilt, just time for you to continue growing as a doctor!!

And good luck to you!

For someone who has been out of work for a while and now has employment, it is crucial to make it work well. I'd think that taking your mother personally to another state for a doctor appointment as very unreasonable and unfeasible. There are some good suggestions around here for how that might be arranged. Someone else could take her or she could see a local doctor. I'd focus on making good decisions for yourself and your career and less on what the siblings may have to say. But, I would not rely on them for money.

Just like every other college graduate you are just now beginning to embark on your chosen profession. Your brothers do not and will not help financially, in THEIR minds it's your problem not yours. SILs do the same to us constantly. Tho MIL moved in with us just under 2 years ago our actual caregiving began in 1995 when FIL passed. Neither one of his siblings would help with expensive home upkeep or repairs, always crying poor me but a week later they were on their way on vacations to Rivera maya, Aruba, etc. Husband and I were the ones to either do the work ourselves or contract it out. We are also the ones who made sure her insurance, taxes, etc were paid. Plus extra spending money for mom. They were not the ones to help. Fast forward to the present, sold her house as is, very first question from older sil, how much am I getting, um nothing it's mom's money not your's. Husband and I worked our butts off to support 2 households, raise our children, and save for retirement. The others did not and now don't have any kind of plan in place. Not my monkey, not my circus. We have always lived with the rule if you don't have the money to pay for it you don't get it. They live by put it on the credit card, take out another loan. They also have a great entitlement mentality, well I KNOW he's going to take care of us in his will, um no, he has a wife, children, and grandchildren. When informed that all of our accounts and house are in trust and follow our bloodline, well we're part of his bloodline, I very sweetly stated yes you are, but not part of mine. This is what you will be looking forward to for a very long time. Does anyone have poa for mom? I suggest you speak to an elder care lawyer about the situation to protect mom and her assets from siblings, you are the "free" help THEY require. Protect her, but not to your detriment. A MC facility may be the best option for her care and safety. More cost effective than in home care, if someone calls in sick she still has care at the facility, home health calls in who is going to rush over and fill in? MIL has begun the process of vascular dementia, its not too bad right now, there is meanness and rudeness due to normal stops are not there anymore, it's not her, it's the disease. Short term memory is going and tells alot of stories about how she was wronged by others in the past, you just sit and listen. Your mom may actually flourish at the facility due to interactions with others, activities, etc. Once settled have a family meeting and try to agree on a visitation schedule for mom so she doesn't feel neglected but also so it doesn't all fall on your and new wife's shoulders. If they choose not to see her, it's on them not you. Don't let them shame you or guilt you, don't do it to yourself either. Keep us posted on how it's going.

Do your siblings realize the cost of becoming a doctor. And why does Mom have to fly to another state to see a doctor. Aren't there this kind of doctor is in your state?

Why are you taking parent to doctor in another state?

Hi again, ExVee. I didn't know you have lived with and cared for your parents for several years. You have mentioned the siblings, and the not getting along with them as well as their unrealistic expectations of you. I don't think they are going to change. You have mentioned also your fiancee, and your plans for a wedding very soon. This will be more expense for you, unless your plan is for a quite small family wedding.
You mention your fiancee is also a doctor. Is she right about where you are? New job and no salary yet? Or is she progressed along so that she is now a working member of a physician's group? Are you working as a hospitalist with very limited hours, or in a group practice? The former will give you at the least better "hours" I think. Is there some way that you and your fiancee could live now together? You mentioned intimacy in another post, so I think I am not jumping the gun to think that wouldn't be a problem, the moving in together. This would both save money and give you a "test run". Old I might be,but not old-fashioned; I recommend test runs, hee hee.
I think, ExVee, with any ideas I can come up with, one is NOT the siblings. They have not changed. I think they will not change. Your relationship with them sounds quite set in stone. You ask; they refuse.
The other thing I don't quite get is a new doctor not being paid in 6 months? Can you tell me more about that? It should be a good check when it comes, but at this point one wonders if it WILL come?
Of course the flying to appointments in other states isn't going to be a possibility that I can even begin to imagine. It wouldn't be an option for most of us I would think unless we had a family member with some wealth involved.

Ssomeone else should take mom and dad to appointments. You call in by phone.

As a resident physician, you are NOT going to have the time to fly back and forth to take them to appointments.

Just say "No, I cant possibly do that".