I am about to get married and am very happy about this. My fiance and I live with his Mother who has Alzheimer's with Dementia stage 3. Because of my fiance's work schedule and routine health needs, I am home much of the time with my Mother In Law. It is not always easy because I have had to decrease my work hours to accomodate being home with her. Also, she has gotten in my face numerous times and even grabbed me in order to try and take things out of my hands, especially keys for my car. At times I don't want to be around her because of this however, I know that I am responsible for her. This sickens me in a way, because I feel forced. I want to to marry my fiance; but, I don't like feeling tied down with caring for her and not being able to do things for myself. So, I am getting to my point. Because of his health situation, there is the possibility that he might not be around in the long run. I hate to accept this and acknowledge this! But, I have to face reality. In the event something happens to him, he has told me that my Mother In Law would be with me and I would take care of her. I am having a hard time grasping this and haven't said anything to my husband. I do love her and definitely want to make sure she is cared for. Although I do not have a well paying job and can't even afford to pay for household bills. Any advice is appreciated.
Thank you!
Yours is probably an irrevocable trust. A revocable trust can be changed. Just an FYI.
Crushedlove, when are you guys getting married? Is there any particular reason that you have not already been married? Obviously none of us can know what your relationship is, we can only share from personal experience and beliefs. You must follow your desires and I think most of us want you to really look at this situation from all angles to ensure that you are not being used or set up to be crushed because you didn't see something coming. I get that you love and trust this man, good foundational start.
Can I recommend that you do some serious research on prenuptial agreements, there are some issues with them that are not generally known and could truly set people up for big surprises.
As to legality, you are never responsible for caring for an elder legally, and if you were made responsible you can always resign legally from those duties. Sometimes not without ease, but you can do it. If, say he has a trust leaving all his funds to his mother for her care and you as Trustee, you would have a choice upon his death to resign that designation. So no, you are never legally responsible for her, you could leave on his death. Other family or court appointed guardian would act on her behalf.
I will say only that if you are unhappy BEFORE the marriage with the overall situation I think you will be amazed at how much worse it is AFTER, as there will be many assumptions made about your having CHOSEN this. And ultimately this is your choice for your life. I wish you the very best of luck moving forward.