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We moved my mother to Florida with us almost 7 years ago and upsized to a larger house for everyone’s sanity three years ago. In August I got offered a dream job back in our home state. Our family was struggling with the separation and a huge tragedy with one of our sons so it’s been a perfect scenario. Now I’m moving our handicapped son up and will be buying a house there. My husband will stay in Florida till he retires in a few years. My mom has been telling everyone that she hates Florida and wants to go back to Ohio. Our Florida house is going on the market, my husband will move to something small and I’m taking mom to Ohio, but she’s already b****ing about it. It’s not my husband’s responsibility to care for my mom and this wasn’t my life plan, but it has to happen. Her only other option is to find her own apartment which she can’t afford.

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You have had your Mom for 7 years. You don't mention her age or how much care you have to provide her, nor how much care your son currently requires, but I cannot imagine caring for both. I would say make the move, because that must be done. But once the move is made I think you may in future need to consider if your Mom must go into care. This of course isn't a matter of affording for most. It may be that she requires the assistance of medicaid when she has used her funds, but I honestly cannot imagine care of both. This is a decision only you can make.
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Let mom b***h all she wants. It's really not up to her at this point. She's living with you now, has been for the last 7 years, so if she wants to continue doing that, then she needs to go where ever you and your husband decide. And that might just have to be a place of her own(a facility, after applying for Medicaid)when you all get settled. Best wishes.
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Yes, the age of Mom would help.

We have HUD subsidized apts where I live. They charge 30% of your monthly income for rent. The transit bus comes to the building. There is also Senior bussing for shopping and appts. Food stamps can help.

When Mom moved in with you she lost her ability to have it her way. You have a once in a life opportunity. She either goes with you or finds housing where she is. You are right, DH is not responsible for her.
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She is 85 and in excellent health, but a bit of a hermit. My son takes a lot of care. I do know at some time she’s going to need more care than I give now and I’ll cross that bridge when it appears. For now she can do most things for herself but I think she’s not able to live alone.
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