I am asking $200 a week for 24 hr caregiver & my siblings who live 1200 miles away are FURIOUS. The siblings have visited twice in 7 yrs. once because my dad passed.
I've seen the answers above which are all good information. Let me ask you if you will also be managing the house maintenance, such as mowing lawns, raking leaves, shoveling snow, arranging for gutter clean-outs, oil deliveries, calling the plumber, electrician, appliance repair person, etc, and also all the financial arrangements: Paying bills, depositing checks, reconciling accounts, applying for benefits, selecting medical supplement insurance, submitting forms for payment, reviewing the monthly statements, and filing tax returns. I don't know any caregivers who also manage the house or the finances. These tasks are in addition to caregiving and would have to be managed by somebody else if caregivers were hired.
Unless they are ready, willing and able to help, I would ignore that! Good elder care in Birmingham runs $15 -$30 an hour! They actually OWE you money!
Wow without extra info we really can't respond. Your worth at least $600 a week get signed contract and also pay your taxes so you will have credit down the road for yourself. If we look at this differently and kind of business like it wouldn't be so hard. You actually could get caregiver respite her and there also.
Tell your siblings, that if they are so upset, you can deliver your Mom to them, and they can have the $200 a week to care for her. Seriously though, ignore them. You are doing the best you can, and they are inconsiderate. I am not in the US, but I presume that amount would only cover expenses. Its not like you're taking overseas trips on your mothers money.
No, you are not being greedy. You are being practical. If you do not get anything for caring for mom, you could find yourself in financial trouble later down the road having not earned anything to help support yourself while caring for mom. This could cause hardship for you and hard feelings too...never a good thing. Siblings are wanting something for nothing. They may be saying something like...well, you're living there for free, getting fed. If that be the case, fine...that's probably worth about 800.00/mo... add to that 200.00/wk salary and you'll be making around 1600.00/mo. Very fair price for 24/7 care of your mom I'd say. Or she could go into a nursing home for average 6000.00/mo, or have 24/7 in home care for around 7,500.00/mo. The 1600.00/mo for care from a loved one is actually quite a bargain!
Yes, right up a contract and have mom sign it if you can. That way if she ever does have to go into a nursing home and qualify for Medicaid they won't come after the money you've been paid. In fact, charge 250.00/wk since you'll be wanting to claim it as income on taxes to keep it all above board! That way it will count toward your SS when the time comes for you to retire.
I don't think you are being greedy. It is hard being the sole caregiver when your siblings are so far away. I feel like you are asking for help from your siblings. Also validation and acknowledgement for what you are doing for your mom. You are the one devoting all your time, energy and love to your parents. It can be a lonely road when our siblings cannot even spare us "how are you?" once in a while.
I was so angry at my siblings. There was so much resentment about how much I was doing compared to them. I wanted "something" to show they cared about me and our parents too. So $200 is not a lot, but I think its more than that. I wish I had counseling when I was taking care of my dad. I was always so use to be the oldest and the responsible one. But as my dad's care escalated, I failed to understand I needed help too. And also acknowledgement and validation from my siblings. I know no one held a gun to my head to help my parents, but I still needed my siblings to offer something to me.
Kitty, OP means "original poster". When I first came on the forums I was wondering what some of the initials were. When someone posted NH, I was thinking New Hampshire instead of Nursing Home. Same with IL, I thought it was Illinois instead of Independent Living. I was wondering why so many elders were moving to New Hampshire and Illinois :P
I think $200/week is way too LITTLE to be "asking" for 24/7 caregiving!
Tell us more about your situation. Did you give up a job to live with your mother? How old are you? Do you have money for retirement? (What's going to happen when YOU are old?)
What do you have to do for your mother? How capable/independent is she?
Does she have a significant estate/trust that will be left when she passes? Are you and your sibs equal heirs to the estate/trust?
Edited to add: I am making the assumption that the caregiver is you, and that you are living in and caring for your mom, since you mentioned your dad has passsed - and also that your mom is the one having to pay for the services you're providing.
If the siblings are furious, it's because they feel any inheritance they may receive upon your mother's death is being diminished by your being paid as a caregiver. It sounds like your mother has some money put away or has the ability to pay for a caregiver without too much financial stress - correct?
I would recommend explaining to your siblings that if you were not able to care for Mom, she would have to hire an agency caregiver, which would be at least $20 per hour or more, depending on the care needed. In-home nursing care is far higher. General care involving toileting, bathing and household help is usually around $20 per hour, depending on where you live (could be higher).
Would the siblings rather have you receive $200 per week for a 24/7 job that they obviously can't (or don't want to) do, or would they like Mom to have to pay $20/hour for someone to be there 24/7, which would be far more than $200 per week?
If the opposite is true, and Mom doesn't have anything other than SS income, than that may be why the siblings are upset, thinking that Mom can't afford to pay you. If that's the case, then you'll need to have a serious discussion with your siblings about it and come to a compromise. If you *do* end up being paid for caregiving your mother, make sure there is a contract drawn up and signed (if your Mom is able) to avoid any issues later. It's important to prove that Mom agreed to pay you this rate for caregiving.
Yes, right up a contract and have mom sign it if you can. That way if she ever does have to go into a nursing home and qualify for Medicaid they won't come after the money you've been paid. In fact, charge 250.00/wk since you'll be wanting to claim it as income on taxes to keep it all above board! That way it will count toward your SS when the time comes for you to retire.
I don't think you are being greedy. It is hard being the sole caregiver when your siblings are so far away. I feel like you are asking for help from your siblings. Also validation and acknowledgement for what you are doing for your mom. You are the one devoting all your time, energy and love to your parents. It can be a lonely road when our siblings cannot even spare us "how are you?" once in a while.
I was so angry at my siblings. There was so much resentment about how much I was doing compared to them. I wanted "something" to show they cared about me and our parents too. So $200 is not a lot, but I think its more than that. I wish I had counseling when I was taking care of my dad. I was always so use to be the oldest and the responsible one. But as my dad's care escalated, I failed to understand I needed help too. And also acknowledgement and validation from my siblings. I know no one held a gun to my head to help my parents, but I still needed my siblings to offer something to me.
Tell us more about your situation. Did you give up a job to live with your mother? How old are you? Do you have money for retirement? (What's going to happen when YOU are old?)
What do you have to do for your mother? How capable/independent is she?
Does she have a significant estate/trust that will be left when she passes? Are you and your sibs equal heirs to the estate/trust?
If the siblings are furious, it's because they feel any inheritance they may receive upon your mother's death is being diminished by your being paid as a caregiver. It sounds like your mother has some money put away or has the ability to pay for a caregiver without too much financial stress - correct?
I would recommend explaining to your siblings that if you were not able to care for Mom, she would have to hire an agency caregiver, which would be at least $20 per hour or more, depending on the care needed. In-home nursing care is far higher. General care involving toileting, bathing and household help is usually around $20 per hour, depending on where you live (could be higher).
Would the siblings rather have you receive $200 per week for a 24/7 job that they obviously can't (or don't want to) do, or would they like Mom to have to pay $20/hour for someone to be there 24/7, which would be far more than $200 per week?
If the opposite is true, and Mom doesn't have anything other than SS income, than that may be why the siblings are upset, thinking that Mom can't afford to pay you. If that's the case, then you'll need to have a serious discussion with your siblings about it and come to a compromise. If you *do* end up being paid for caregiving your mother, make sure there is a contract drawn up and signed (if your Mom is able) to avoid any issues later. It's important to prove that Mom agreed to pay you this rate for caregiving.