My BF of 17 yrs left me six years ago and moved in with his elderly mom. We now see each other 1 week a month. During covid, even less, but now that we're all vaccinated, he has been wanting to come visit even more often. He has to care give 24/7 for his mother, who, I might add, was a horrible parent who neglected all her children and always put her husband first before anyone else, including her kids. She has three other sons and a daughter who all live within a mile of her, yet, my BF had to move out and go take care of her down in a border town about four hrs away from me. The rest of her kids refuse to talk to her or visit. My BF cannot afford to hire a a full time caregiver nor would ever put her in a home. She has Medicare only and doesn't qualify for Medicaid. He had previously hired a lady that would come from Mexico to live-in at the house, clean and take care of the mom, but now, she cannot come across the bridge, because the Pres shut down the border. They keep extending the shut down, so we don't have any idea when this lady will be able to come back. She charges a lot less than people in the states. My problem is, this past month, he has come for a much-needed visit & break, but he ended up bringing his mother, who, I will also add is a very, very dirty person. She has never been clean, even when she was younger. I believe she has Diogenes syndrome. She has never bathed, washed her hands or even brushed her teeth. My BF can't get her to even use wipes. The odor is mind boggling! I live in a one-bedroom apt and I keep it neat & clean, but now, this woman is using my bathroom, urinating all over the floor, leaving dried poop stains & pubic hairs on the toilet seat, throws the used TP in the trash can and doesn't flush. No hand washing after the toilet, either. My BF has her sleeping in my room, in my good bedding and my whole apt stinks now. They have been here for two weeks and had also come at the end of April too. He just announced they are staying till next week. We can't be intimate, go out, or do anything else because he's waiting on her hand & foot. I also work full time and am so annoyed seeing/smelling her as soon as I get home. My apt is my sanctuary and now I feel obligated, because he gives me a guilt trip and tells me things like, "I guess we will leave then, because I know you're grosses out on my mom!" Or, tells me that I would've done the same thing for my mom. I do feel guilty, because I love him with all my heart, but our relationship has turned into 100% caregiving. There is no intimacy any more and I'm only 47. I'm lonely with a partner who's attention is the mother 24/7. I feel like a vile jerk for being grossed out by this woman, but I wish she would leave!