SORRY IF THIS IS CONSIDERED A RANT. I am super stressed out about one of the clients I take care of. Im currently working for 2 different caregiving companies because one pays better than the other but I stayed with one of the companies to care for my client Diane. She was my FIRST ever client and we had a special bond but lately she has been really stressing me out. She has me do chores nonstop & it has always been this way even when I first started working for her. After working for other clients I figured out what it's like to actually be a caregiver, and working for Diane is not it, she even calls me her housekeeper. I try caring for Diane as requested by my company & her children but Diane refuses and rather me clean all day. She needs more help than she leads others to believe. Shes malnourished & dehydrated mostly everyday but when I offer her water or to cook she refuses and says she can do it herself and asks me to do another chore instead. As much as I love helping her around the house, she pushes it to the point where she will purposely make a mess so I can clean it when I have finished all I had to do. I set boundaries but she still crosses them and it's really stressing me out because the bond we had is not there anymore. Also whenever she breaks or loses something she will blame me even though I watched her put it away the day before but then it goes missing all of a sudden (nothing of value). She lives alone and has hallucinations and she truly believes they are real, this is undiagnosed. SO I try my hardest to be a professional CNA/CHHA, but all she makes me do is clean. This is what I do everyday (I see her 5 days in a week but this is everyday); laundry, fold, put away clothes, sweep, mop, vacuum, dust, polish table, hand wash, dry and put away dishes, clean counters, thread sewing machine, clean toilet, sink, mirrors, bathtub, med reminders, clean fridge, organize drawers and cabinets. When I finish a task, she will go over to see how I did and make me go over it again if she doesnt like how I did it. Also, most of the time I'm cleaning, she's hovering over me or "assisting" me, but she's really just there to see if I'm doing it right. I never get to sit for a second or use the bathroom during my shift. Our bond stopped after her daughter asked me to write a progress report on how her mother has been doing medically so she can show her doctor. The daughter was pleased with the report because it was well written and she finally had evidence proving what she would tell the doctor. Diane was not happy with it at all and said I exaggerated. After this, she has not trusted me and keeps more to herself and has even become more critical and angry towards me. She even goes as far to criticize my looks and I can't defend myself. I really dont want to become more uncomfortable to the point where I stop caring for her but she's really been pushing in anyway she can. She even goes as far as to make me work past my shift, make me late for other clients, and I dont get paid for it. Or she makes me drive around 100 miles+ a week with errands she makes me do. And I say MAKE because she doesn't take no for an answer.
Her daughter maybe pushed her into getting a 'house-cleaner' right? Often family do this when they notice areas of cognitive decline - memory, reasoning, behaviour/mood changes. They KNOW their parent needs a caregiver but can only get a professional in under the guise of 'house-cleaner'. (It's a common trick).
It's a tricky spot for you but just keep professional & do your role. If LIGHT cleaning is within your role, do that. Any heavy cleaning, decline. Explain a different cleaner is required.
Report back with honesty to the daughter. Unfortunately this may mean your client (the Mother) loses some trust in you. But you ARE actually helping her by being honest with your feedback - this will help with her greater care plan.
If there is dementia (hallucinations are a big indicator of either mental illness or dementia) there will be a wide range of moods, behaviour, accusations, paranoia possibly to come. As someone with a good rapport with your client, you could be great support for her as she adjusts to needing more care.
You definately WILL need to make & keep boundaries. These are for YOU. Don't expect client's to keep to them. Eg if the client wants you to run over time (which would make you late for your next appointment) you calmly state "No. I can't do that today, there is no time. I can do that for you next visit". Then you thank her & leave.
You will also need a thicker skin. If she insults your looks. You laugh it off.
Sometimes you have to stand up to bullies! I had a lady want tea, black tea, then white tea, then "Oh you put too much milk it's stone cold!" I brought a new cup. "Oh it's too strong now". Testing behaviour. Like a toddler.
So I brought her an empty cup, a pot of hot water, a milk jug & spoon & suggested she make it herself - just the way she liked. She glared at it. Glared at me. Then burst out laughing. It was a GAME to her! She was that bored in life this was her entertainment!
Consider that angle too.
Have a laugh & collect your pay I say 😁
Also i dont have a proper care plan for Diane, i have tried getting one from my company but they have yet to give me one, Ive just done whatever the daughter says or the client for that reason. But heavy house keeping is against the companies rule, THAT i do know. I know you say to deny when she asks me to do heavy cleaning but when i do she will do it herself and make me feel bad for it. She is a fall risk and she has parkinsons, these are new things to her so she thinks she is independent but she can really hurt herself which is why i do it. But sometimes she is so unreasonable, when i finish all my tasks she will make me sweep and mop behind storages like big bureus in bathroom, when i say "no i cant, i only do simple house cleaning plus its against company policy to move furniture" she would MOVE the heavy objects herself and say "there now you can clean it". Its SO unsafe! And if i report this im sure they will blame me and tell me i should have done it myself (they being my company or the daughter).
I think she may have Dementia because she shows signs of it everyday but i think it goes undiagnosed because she already has Alzheimers so they blame her behaviour on that. But i know they are two seperate things.
Ive set boundaries, my issue is enforcing it because im weak and i just let her walk all over me. Ive even went as far as to make her handmade informational flyers about what a CHHA/CNA is and how she can use the services, she thought it was cute because it was colorful but ive found it in the trash because im sure she does not care and just wants me to continue to be a housekeeper. Things like me reminding her to take her meds on time gets her ticked off, she tells me i nag her. She also doesnt like when i keep track of her water intake or food intake or any intake, she doesnt let me write anything down, she rushes me to get back to cleaning each time.
I do laugh it off at the moment it happens and just smile because i dont want to entertain her insults but when im home i remember what she said and how she said it and it hurts because i know shes saying it personally since she never used to say things like that, she used to actually compliment me when i had a nice hairdo, now if she sees that she goes out her way to make fun of me. I will definitely try to thicken my skin but its just the fact that its coming from her. They really do test us and act like toddlers! I 100% agree with that since i have my own toddler at home haha.
Thank you for your advice! Im glad to feel people backing me up here and not making me feel like im just being a brat.
Why aren't you already to that point?
QUIT, and work only for the company that pays you more.
I would set boundaries, and start packing up earlier so you’re not late finishing. Remind her 30 mins before you leave if there’s anything that needs doing, as you’re going shortly. I do that with my mum as she always remembers something when I’m leaving, which equally is probably because she doesn’t want me to go.
can you talk to her daughter? Is there anything else underlying?
The "Oh, before you.go...." requests to keep.you there.
Whether anxious, lonely, bossy, manipulative - reassure with "I'll see you on X.day" or "I'll call you X.time".
But leave when you set out to.
Having you as a CNA doing her housekeeping is as unreasonable as hiring a plumber to paint the house. Two. Different. Jobs.
And no, she isn't MAKING you do any of that stuff -- you haven't said no and stuck with it, but it's the job of your employer to deal with this abuse of your time, not yours.
Nothing wrong with being a paid house keeper either. BUT-that is not your primary job description. Time to move on.
1. "I've set boundaries, my issue is enforcing it because im weak".
Pls change the word 'weak' to KIND. Or caring.
It takes practice to stand your ground. Start small. It DOES get easier!
2. A diagnosis of Alzheimer's? And Parkinson's? A'Ha!!
Think of Dementia as an umbrella. It is an overall label for marked symptoms of cognitive decline.
Alzheimer's is the most common type under that umbrella, then Vascular Dementia but there are others eg Lewy Bodies or FrontoTemporal Lobe Dementia. Each subtype differs in symptoms. Parkinson's Disease brings chemical brain changes, not always, but dementia symptoms too.
People are living longer & there seems to be a massive increase in dementia worldwide. This will bring much hardship for many families.
It is a fascinating area to study. Teepa Snow has become an expert on care in this area is really worth a Google & especially her many youtubes.
This can be a rewarding area to be a caregiving in & the right families can pay you well. Your skills are certainly needed.
3. If that agency is not supporting you or offering you training - ditch 'em. Try a new one.
Willennym, you are NOT acting in your client's best interests.
Her condition goes undiagnosed and the true state of her ability to manage her activities of daily living is concealed and even the companionship service she is paying for and not getting - YOU are covering all this up.
Stop it!
What does it say on her care plan or support plan? What routines are included?
Don’t try to take responsibility for Diane - you have no legal right to do that anyway, and her family (if the employers) need to work out who will do what for her. She is your only client left from the low-paying employer. Quit! Say Goodbye! It’s not your responsibility to worry about what comes next in sorting out her needs. They will all manage one way or another.
Quit this client.
You are no longer effective. (if you were to begin with)
I would give the agency notice that you can no longer work with this client and they need to send a replacement. (just curious does your manager know what you have been doing for this client? It sounds like you may have been not following a care plan from day 1. Will be interesting what another caregiver will do)
A bit of advice...If a client ever does this again talk to your supervisor right away. The work that you describe is out of your scope of work/ job description. The problem with that is:
A) if you were ever to be injured doing something out of your scope of duties you may not be covered for insurance.
B) If the health of the client is made worse by failure to report things like failing to eat, drink, not reporting changes in health status it is not beyond belief that the family could file abuse charges. (if they follow through that is another story but no one wants a report like that filed)
Quit this client ASAP
You do too much and since this agency is not sympathetic to the problem, you need to give notice. The woman needs a good physical and mental eval. I will bet, anyother aide they send in there will not last.
Of course you may be dealing with personalities you cannot deal with. If you can afford then to pick and choose, I would do that.
I think you are suffering from some boundary problems as well, as it is NOT OK to keep you past quitting time, whether you have others who expect you or not. That is a simple "No, I am sorry, I cannot possibly stay past time to quit".
Wishing you good luck. I sure hope the vent helped, we all need to let the steam off once in a while. Folks don't change much I find, and the patients and elders we care for, in my experience, are pretty much as they have been throughout their entire lives. I hope knowing that helps; often it doesn't!
Then you look up whatever regulatory body in your area inspects agencies like the one you work for, you report this agency, and you stop working for it. And go and work full-time for the higher-paying agency, which perhaps is also able to invest in training and proper assessments and all that.
I assume you consider yourself a professional, yes? But nobody - not the family, not the agency, no one - is addressing this client's real needs and YOU are making that possible.
Your client is obviously deteriorating mentally. Your job probably includes light housekeeping, but nothing of this level. I would have a discussion with her daughter and explain exactly try what is going on. The daughter may not be aware that things are at this level. Give a written list of light housekeeping duties you will do to both parties (grocery shop and pharmacy once weekly and taking client to appointments, making a light lunch and cleanup afterwards, assist with bathing and toileting, medication reminders, etc.). She will need to hire a housekeeper for deep or heavy cleaning. You will keep record of what she eats and drinks and when she takes her meds and report that to her daughter and physician. She is calling you her housekeeper because she's embarrassed that she needs a caretaker. Suggest that she use the word companion or assistant instead. There's noting wrong with being a housekeeper, but you have a job title and professional license that should be acknowledged while you are working. If it becomes intolerable, give a professional 2 week notice. That gives daughter an opportunity to seek placement, which it sounds like she thinks is necessary based on her request of a letter from you.
The other posters have addressed the excessive housework issue and I agree with them on that, also.
Time to drop this client, with no regrets - because you are doing the right thing for you!
First, know that you are doing a heroic job! HHAs and CNAs do the work no one else wants to do, the adult children refuse to do and the client can't do for themselves. You deserve respect, dignity, and most importantly satisfaction from knowing you are making a difference for another human being. Clearly, you are not getting that from this client.
As someone who hires, schedules, and manages Caregivers, I know there is a Caregiver for every client and a client for every Caregiver, but not every Caregiver is for every client. Sometimes what starts out as a great relationship transforms into something different. And, when that happens, it's simply time to move on. Like the song says, "breaking up is hard to do". (And you never signed up for "til death do us part",)
If you are working through an Agency, give them at least a week's notice. Once you have your last day agreed to, sit your client down, be grateful, and respectful and simply tell them that you've decided to look for a job that will allow you to use your training, skills, and passions to the fullest. There is no need to make her angry, upset, or wrong. You may need to be firm, but always be compassionate! Telling her won't be as hard as you think!
Let the Agency find her a new Caregiver that enjoys the housekeeping aspect of the job. (There are lots of them out there!) And, if you are anywhere near the Boca Raton, FL area, I'd love to have you on my team! ~BRAD
You don’t need your company they need you. Have you thought about working for an assisted living community? They are starving for staff. Think of all the wonderful people you could help instead of just one person.
I agree with the others. It is time to terminate the employment. There are a lot of other clients who need you for giving care. I wouldn’t even bother telling the client that you are leaving until the final hour of the final day. Some people give you completely unreasonable work to do if they know you are leaving. If you like to do housekeeping work, housekeepers can make more money than caregivers.
Give notice and let Diane hire a housekeeper.