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My husband is in a NH, but I am going through a lot. Remember me? They wanted to transfer him. I thought the story was ended with the intervention of the Ombudsman, but there is more. It is a very hard situation visiting him, listening to the Social Services people describing me the worst scenario because of his aggressive behavior, "Baker Act", "Psych tests", "isolation", etc.... I do not clean after him, I do not change diapers, but I can not sleep just thinking about what is going to happen every time the telephone rings. Am I a caregiver?

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are there any sorces out there where we can get paid to do the caregiving
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My wife definitely has dementia. She can't remember anything that happened in the last 24 hours, though her long-term memories are good. She can still drive and cook, but can't buy everything on the shopping list. She won't take me with her to the supermarket because, she says, "it's such a pain in the ass." This is because she has to go in and find an electric shopping cart for me to drive, bring it out to the car, and help me get into it (I'm a semi-paraplegic). Then I can help with the list, but she knows where everything is, and I don't. If I don't get things in the right order, even though she made the list in the "right order," she gets frustrated and angry. It's better to let her go by herself, even though last month she turned east instead of west. Her phone was dead and she'd forgotten that we had a charger in the car. After 4 hours she called on a friendly off-duty cop's phone. I told her to be sure she was going west. Still, it took her another four hours to get home. I kept checking with the police and the hospital's ER, but neither had any record of her coming in to either department. Finally she showed up, and I had to restrain myself from displaying anger, only concern. If I do get angry when she says something hostile, she says "why are you angry at me? I didn't do anything wrong." So I have to remind myself that it's not her--it's the disease talking. I always want to go over the list, but usually she has thrown it away. If I do ask about something on the list that she has evidently bot bought, she says "All right--I'm a bad person." Oy veh.
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I am definitely a caregiver. While my wife can drive and I can't (physical difficulty), she has developed, in the last ten days, an inability to find her way home, even from familiar places. 8 days ago she made her usual trip to the supermarket to buy food for the week, but didn't come home for 4 hours. I called the police and the hospital, with no results. Finally, she called me from a cell phone borrowed from a kindly police officer and called me. He got her pointed west, the direction she should have gone in the first place. Her phone was completely dead, and she had forgotten about the charger we keep in the car. For some reason it took her yet another 4 hours to get home, by which time I was again scared silly. Finally she came home, 8 hours after leaving. So this week I went with her, and saw that she had a terrible time finding things in the market. Admittedly, they had made several changes. She pushed me in my wheelchair while I held a basket on my lap, into which almost everything would fit. So I find myself rather quickly undertaking the role of caregiver, though she can do all the cooking and laundry. I, she says, am the brain while she is the brawn. But at 75 she's not strong enough to pick me up off the floor, and we've twice had to call 911 to get help moving me from downstairs to upstairs when my stairlift broke.
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You are a Caregiver if you worry about the person you love. You are a Caregiver if you don't sleep that much at night, because you are listening for the person you are taking care of. Caregivers are those who are the most selfless people in the world. We don't get told thank you, and truth be told; most people don't know what we go through on a regular basis. We are the ones who have the patience to take care of those we love. We never take breaks, and sometimes cry ourselves to sleep, because we are so exhausted. We are the ones, who no matter what; will drop everything to get to that person.
I have been a Caregiver since I was 19. I am now 32, and Caregiver to 2 parents. My siblings live 1500 miles away and won't help me. I moved with my parents, because I knew something might happen. I gave up a job I loved and took a $750 a month pay cut, please benefits.
Yes, you are a Caregiver, no matter what people say. You are amazing, and God Bless you for what you are doing.
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nerie86 Yes as other's have said you are fitting the profile. Don't beat yourself up for trying to handle a situation that you do not have no experience of, or a full understanding of. It sounds like all of us put together, with all our experience in all types of dementia would not be able to control the situation of your husbands behavior.
I researched " What Does it Mean to Be "Baker Acted"?

google it

This may help you to understand.
A person can't be forced into a involuntary medical evaluation, Florida has a way about doing this and that's called the "Baker Act"
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Let us know how you are doing. Hugs and good thoughts to you.
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Thanks Eddie :-) Wayne
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Baby, you fit the profile perfectly. ... As I've said earlier in this forum, there's no cookie-cutter formula for the endless roller-coaster ride that is caregiving. We do the best we can with what we have and hope for the best. Some rely on faith when running on fumes 24/7; others run screaming into the night or scream during sleep. Some fight back as their survival instincts start to kick in, others become anesthetized doormats. Some do it out of duty or obligation; while many others roll with the punches, go with the flow, and find a way to keep a semblance of their former selves. Some love what they do, others just fake it.

Anyway you look at it, I take my hat off to all the caregivers out there. ... Because that's as close as we'll ever get to sainthood.
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Ana a stiff drink once in a while doesn't hurt. Make mine a double! :-) LOL W
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You are a caregiver. If you are in charge and cannot walk away, you are a caregiver. Courage friend!
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Like when someone writes: I'm thinking of having my mom transferred from an AL to a NH, I don't think they mean that she's going to be moving from Alabama to New Hampshire, but stranger things HAVE happened! LOL :-) W
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I don't think it means New Hampshire, but it could, you never know, right? :-) LOL W
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I'm tempted to reply with a list of if/thens modeled after Jeff Foxworthy's "You Might Be a Redneck," but that's not exactly what you're looking for. What makes a caregiver isn't the type of activity but the responsibility involved, even if you're "just" directing a team of others or, in your case, fighting on behalf of your one-in-need. And yes, Frequentfliertx's answer for many of us is all too true! When leaving my shift at work, I told a sympathetic coworker, "time to go from [employer name] heaven to honey-do hell.

P.S.: By "NH" do you mean "nursing home?"
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Yes you are a a caregiver. My man has had heart disease, diabetes etc for 18 years which meant he was able to do everything for himself but because I am a nurse he relied on me to look after anything medical. In the fall of 2011 he had a massive stroke. He is high level functioning but I still consider myself a caregiver. I wrote a book "A Caregiver's Story -7 Tips to Help Navigate and Find Balance. I am a grief coach for women whose husbands have died or are dying. My man became my muse for my passion in life to give service. It was an unexpected gift from him. I realized that for the 20 years before his stroke he had been ill off and on and because I was a nurse I was the one who handled everything. I realized I was a caregiver and was expêriencing anticipatory grief. If you are looking after anything medical or providing activities of daily living then you are a caregiver.
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I agree with reindeermama. My best friends parents were going through the same situation. The wife had an extremely hard time moving her husband into the Alzheimer's unit, but it has saved her life. They have found the meds to calm her husband down and she spends everyday visiting him for the majority of the day in an environment that's safe for both of them. Let them do the evaluations and find the right meds and the best placement. Blessings to you!
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Yes, you are a caregiver. My spouse is in an Assistant Living facility that specializes in Alzheimer's and other dementias. In my mind, they (AL) do a better job than a nursing home. There is only 5 or 6 patients per aide and his medication is constantly monitored. It is a beautiful place and there are lots of things to keep my loved one occupied. I had to purchase his furniture and decorate his room which was okay with me. He is in a room by himself which he refers to as his apartment with his t.v. and there is a general sitting area for conversation and a general area for t.v. watching. It is private pay however my spouse has long term care insurance which covers the cost almost ($300.00) which I have to pay but it is worth it. At first I was on edge and skeptical but I found out that he was getting better care than I was. Now, I am at ease and go to visit him every other day and during the Lenten season, I take him to our Lenten Matin service on Wednesday. Also I take him for an ice cream cone and occasionally out to lunch. He loves it and has adjusted well. I do not know how it is in other States but here in Texas, it is hard finding the right fit for your loved one. I volunteer for the Alz. Assn. and facilitator a support group and some of the things I hear are unbelievable. Hang in there my sister in caregiving and know that you are not alone. God is right there beside you!
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Yeah, uh, let's just put it this way: If your life is a living hell, then you might be a caregiver. :-) LOL W
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You are definitely a caregiver! My husband is in an assisted living facility. I have to drive him to all of his medical appointments because we cannot afford the extra money that the facility charges to take him. I have my own medical issues, so with my being a "taxi driver", I am gone almost all day every day except for weekends. With him in the facility, I can at least take a nap when I need one and get a good night's sleep. This may not be a helpful answer as I don't have any suggestions for dealing with the problems you are experiencing with him in the facility. I just want to you to know that you ARE a caregiver. I am praying that God will help you in this situation.
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I understand your concern and you are a caregiver. Don't let anyone tell you differently. He's lucky to have you to love and care and to be his advocate.

I also agree with "reindeermama " statement in the first paragraph. From my experience some facilities are not use to loving caring family members nor having someone stay on them about what is and is not right. You and your husband have legal rights and it should be in the contract signed.

I like to ask if your husband is in a nursing home or home care. I only ask this because my experience with nuring homes are not to my liking. To many clients and not enough help. Senior Home Cares, are able to give more attention to the client, because there are less clients to care for. My brother was in a facility and there were 21 clients to every 1 staff member. I had to be there everyday and I tell you I was not happy with the service or care he got.

I'm not sure what state you live in, but my sister once owner now manager of a Senior Home Care - cares for her clients as if they were family. They love her and she does everything for them and I mean everything. Even the caregivers she hires have to have the same quality of loving care. If you are in AZ, we be glad to give you information.
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I agree with everyone that you are a caregiver. I suspect that your question is of another sort though. Even without a legal question, you probably wonder if you qualify to the legal or technical definition of a caregiver. For instance, in NJ, if you are primary caregiver for two years, that person can deed their house to you without it being considered a gift, this is called the 'caregiver exemption'. There is a legal test there. Their definition asks if that person would need full time care without your help, then you are a caregiver. Technically, if you are not the one supervising the meds, you are not "the" caregiver. However, once they have a condition that REQUIRES they be hospitilzed, SOMEone needs to supervise their care. I BELIEVE THAT ROLE IS JUST IF NOT MORE IMPORTANT than the mechanical functional role of a nurse's aide. You ARE a caregiver. Just sometimes there are legal definitions to words too. Just my thoughts.
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I'm curious, is someone telling you that you are NOT a caregiver, and therefore don't deserve support or empathy?
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I am guessing they are scaring you with the possibility that they might have to discharge him, or be unable to provide care for him. If this is what they are doing to you, they can, but they have to give you thirty days notice and then you can appeal. Or they are wanting him to go to a facility to have a psych eval. This is not as bad as you think.
If he is aggressive ask them to do an emergency psych.. eval. on him. They will put him into a psych. facility where specialist can see him. This will provide him with medications that most likely will curb this behavior and then he can be transferred back to the NH.
Please make it better on yourself. I know you don't want to have a loved one go through this, but it might take care of your problem. My aunt had a psych eval. and they could her medicine to smooth out her moods. This is basically what they want you to approve. It is really not a bad thing. If he is aggressive, he, like my Aunt might be striking out and hitting other residents or the nurses.
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Yes, you are a caregiver. Something that I found helpful is to search for "Caregiver Grief", as caregivers, we grieve with every change in our loved one. It helped me to realize that my feelings were ok. This forum is a lifesaver, I hope you find comfort here.
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You are a caregiver because you care about him and ultimately, you are the one who is in a position to advocate for him and have his best interests at heart. Hugs and prayers! Hang in there.
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Hi hun. He is your husband, you care and you worry about his welfare. In my book, thats a caregiver. Hang in there hun..Will pray for you. Big Hug!!!!!
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I'm sorry you are going through this. Do you think it would help to contact the local Alzheimer association and perhaps one of their support groups to help guide you through getting the best possible solutions. It helps to talk to others dealing with the same problems and they might have some local suggestions re treatment/doctors, facilities . do an internet search for these words if the link below is deleted
orange park florida alzheimer's association

http://www.alz.org/cnfl/in_my_community_support.asp
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