I am divorced, 1 estranged adult child, have complex medical issues and longtime friend doesn’t want healthcare POA. Not sure what to do. Any advice?

Since you are concerned about financial exploitation this question isn't really about a medical POA.

To protect your assets to be used for your care I would think a trust could be setup with your money.

Then that money is used for your care and housing etc should you become incapacitated.

Honestly if your lawyer didn't tell you about this option it may be time to get a new lawyer.

The healthcare POA is really about getting your final wishes fulfilled. This is important to you, or you wouldn’t be asking here. Set this up right and don’t scrimp.

Dont feel badly about the lack of support - many are in this situation.

Make arrangements for everything, just as you wish! Find a wonderful charity you would like to support with your estate.

Dont feel the need to support those that won’t support you.

If I understand you correctly, you are afraid if you should become incapacitated, your daughter could convert your assets for her own use instead of using them for your care. I think the solution is a (younger) attorney that specializes in this kind of work. They have the expertise to deal with this type of problem. At least they’d be able to provide a recommendation if they don’t act as the fiduciary themselves. I can’t imagine that a friend, no matter how good a friend, would ever want to be in the middle of the situation you describe. It would be a nightmare and could even subject them to legal problems. Calls for professional help imo.

What specifically are you worried about?

If it is medical decisions then be certain that your Advance Directive is registered. Kaiser ASKED us last year to put ours on record.
Should be entered into your MD's records also.

If there is no family and a person has passed to the place where medical care, in the opinion of the doctor is of little use, then the doctor will make the decisions if there is no family present, usually with the help of social services, a sort of board where decisions are made for those alone and with no one.

If you are worried you will face dementia and no one to act for you do know that social services will be called upon to contact a judge to appoint a court appointed Fiduciary to handle your affairs, your placement.

If you are alone a will copy should be carefully placed where it can be found.

Are there other things I am missing? Let me know. And if you feel increasingly unable to handle things do consider a licensed Fiduciary.

There are attorneys who specialize in elder care issues. Of course they would have to get paid but they would have your best interests at heart. You shouldn't have to continually pay until you are at the point of needing more care. I don't know how payments would work then but you could certainly ask.

When my husband and I updated our wills we worked with an attorney who was describing his role with clients such as yourself. It should offer peace of mind.

Really Medical POA has no real responsibility. A Healthcare directive is not effective unless you are incapacitated in some way. Your directive should list everything you want and don't want. All the POA does is make sure your requests are followed thru. Its the financial that can be a headache and since I held Moms and my nephews too, I would not do it again.

"money was given to my disabled, brother that has cancer, MS and diabetes, and his wife turned around and bought a rental"

Why do u think the State would get involved with something like this? What you should have done, was pay the bills they couldn't directly. Never just hand over money. Lesson learned I guess. So this means u can't trust SIL. Sad.

My attorney recommended signing up for a public guardian; I added on that I want our attorney to oversee that person (i.e. "checks and balances").

Since you don’t wish for your estranged daughter to inherit any money or property, can’t you just state explicitly in your will that she is not to receive anything.

Do you even know where she is or if she is dead or alive?

If your long-time friend is close in age to you then I agree that this is not the best person to be your HPoA since they could easily pass before you or become sick or have age-related decline and need their own help.

In my experience with my SFIL, an organization called Lutheran Social Services was who became his guardian (as his case was being handled by the county and he had Parkinsons and refused to assign a PoA). In my dealings with them, there was always more than 1 person in communication with me, so more like a team. I'm not sure if the org was his guardian and the team were his assigned managers but it seemed that way. Maybe see if there is such a non-profit org in your state that you can assign a pre-need guardianship.

This same SFIL was a trustee for many years a very wealthy mentally disabled relative, along with an attorney, so there was a check & balance system for financially managing her affairs.

An Elder Law Attorney " should" be able to direct you. Note " Elder Law..." specialty. You could contact one of choice and explain that you would like a " no charge" initial meeting/ consult to determine if they are in fact right for you.

Do you affiliate with a faith group? Some clergy may be able to help direct you. Note " some".... Not all..
A larger church 'may' have better possibility of this than a smaller church.

Another option: Competent, Licensed, Social Services ( Social Workers) 'should' be another option for you to get some clarity and direction.

Make all of your " pre arranged" end of life preferences ( burial vs cremation etc etc) with a funeral/ cremation services of your choice.

Be sure that you have in place end of life documents and copies provided to PCP, any facility you may be in , and copies in a prominent place in your home( if at home) .... A Licensed Social Worker ( competent) should be able to help you with these and directions ...

Speak with your PCP ( Primary Care Physician) ( you may already have done this) about your situation; they may or may not be able to refer you to appropriate services...