After he goes to bed at night, he keeps getting up to tell me he loves me one more time he says. I feel he smothers me. What can I do? He keeps telling me he misses me even though I am always there.
He's basically always been like that -- only more now with the dementia. I remind myself when I get annoyed that all too soon he won't be able to follow me around or know or care where I am. I try to see it as sweet and loving.
that makes three of us with husbands that follow them around, we are a comfort blanket for them, shadowing is a part of dementia, like a small child they have to keep you in their sight at all times. We as wives are the blanket for their insecurity, Do I know you?, where am I?, where am I supposed to go? all these thoughts roll constantly through their minds. it is a smothering feeling at times, my husband will not let me do much that takes time away from his constant questions, I have had to severely limit phone calls, visits to neighbors, any type of semi major cleaning project, watching a tv show. I believe the answer if fear. Josie my husband misses me too, some nights does not even want to go to bed as he is waiting for me to come home and I am sitting right next to him. I would perish without my computer, that's the only way I can keep in touch with friends & the world in general, I ended up buying an iPad as my husband would stand behind me & watch too, that has been worth the money.
All I can say is, you are not alone! And be prepared - it may get worse before it gets better. My husband has PCA Alzheimer's and can't let me out of his sight. He's always calling for me, even when I'm in the same room. He gets extremely angry and works himself into a severe state of agitation when he knows I have to go to out. Our son comes in to stay with him when I have to be gone, but my husband doesn't shadow him - only me. He hovers over me constantly, has no sense of personal space, waves in my face when he talks, blocks doorways I'm trying to go through, puts his hands in food (even pots on the stove) while I'm preparing dinner, takes food from my plate during meals, waits outside the bathroom door for me . . . I could go on and on. If he is blocking my way, I'll say "excuse me" making an effort to keep any kind of attitude out of my voice and he'll still get defensive and angrily say something like "Well, all you have to do is ask me to move" or "There's room to go by!" And there's no relief at bedtime - he glues himself to me then too. And like Stafford mentioned, bathing is always a fight. Sometimes I can just take a breath and accept this as "the new normal", telling myself it's just the disease, but more often, I'm exasperated, exhausted and ready to exit! I'll follow this conversation thread to see if anyone has any better ideas how to cope. Don't think they are going to change until they decline further into the disease, providing us with a new set of challenges.
Oh my goodness I hope someone has an answer for this for my husband is very much like this. You get you feel like a prisoner emotionaly, mentaly and phycialy
my father had dementia and he did this too.They tend to be suspicious of anything they can't see right out front.My mom lives with me and she has it too..she tends to try and paw through all my stuff as if she thinks I have her *stuff*.I wish I had an easy fix.I just told her that I need her to do something else,it works short term.But that is all they have,anyway.Then it starts all over..
Yes, yes, yes. Every step I take he's right behind me. I too feel like a prisoner, it's not even acceptable for me to speak to a neighbor. Phone calls always involve him being close by. Bathroom time has knocking on the door to make sure I'm still there. Errands are not welcome, but I refuse to take him along unless he's had a clean-up, which takes me half a day to accomplish since he fights it every step of the way. I can't give you a solution. Probably the following will stop when they aren't mobile anymore. Lots to look forward to. May you have the strength to make it through another day. It's too hard to look at the big picture.
The last few days have been really busy. Had a couple helpers go w/me to get a cabin ready for sale that I cannot maintain myself and we never get there anyway. Had to take hubby along - stayed three nights, then came home had a yard sale, and now have to go back to cabin to have realtor take pictures and sign a contract. He has been attached to me like glue, didn't like the cabin, didn't like anyone else who was along. When he got home, didn't know where he was. Was supposed to go to cabin today and spend one night, but I felt like I was on the verge of a breakdown and couldn't do it, so just a day trip tomorrow. I laid in bed most of the day and told him I was sick, so I could get away from him for a while. I was just physically and mentally drained. I'm in one of my slumps where I don't know how much longer I can do this. Hopefully, I'll snap out of this. I feel all jittery and my legs feel like rubber bands. I'm just so tired of doing this dance with him. In one door, out the other, staring, following, pacing, shuffling, complaining, fighting about getting cleaned up. Sorry people, I'm just tired.
My husband has Lewy Body Dementia and recently declined quite a bit and , although he loves me so much, he gets me confused with another me whom he is not married to. I too feel smothered with love, hugs and kisses all day long. If I am out of sight, he will track me down. A nap is impossible because he checks on me constantly. Yes, questions all day long because of his confusion. It is a heart breaking disease.
My boss' wife had Alzheimer's and she use to follow him around constantly at home and any time he would bring her to the office. She would pick up files and look at the files like she was reading them even though she didn't understand what she was looking at. Then start to rearrange things on his desk. For 30 years she had worked side by side with her husband in their business, so part of that was still in her subconscious.
If my boss left his office and was elsewhere in the building, his wife would be frantically looking for him. I was amazed at how quickly she could navigate the stairs, I had a hard time keeping up with her.
In her final chapter of Alzheimer's, whenever my boss would bring her to the office, she would still follow him around but more so like a lost puppy. He was able to have her sit down, he would kiss her hand, then she would calmly sit for awhile.
My client's wife has Alzheimer's. She follows him around and at times transitions from being affectionate and loving toward me as her care companion who keeps hers safe and engaged in life to pushing me away when she is with her husband. Today she slapped me when I attempted to bring her art supplies she was looking for. I wish I knew how to comfort them both. Pouring 200% of myself into caring for them, focused on her well being and his, preparing their meals, keeping their two homes organized and pleasant and in good repair.....I feel so helpless at times and he is so stressed that he sometimes takes his anger out on me by silly nit picking that has no bearing on reality or something that is in need of correction as it has been his error not mine. I do the constant mea culpa to keep the peace (and my job) and am blessed with inimitable patience and compassion. I just wonder how often one must call the Alzheimer's 24 Hour helpline for guidance, assurance and support? I wish the husband would go to a support group to see how blessed he and she are to have me. I care so much about them both and just wish I had a magic wand to wave over these two magnificent people to right their cart and feel appreciated myself in a way that is commensurate for all I do. Sad, insidious illness.
If my boss left his office and was elsewhere in the building, his wife would be frantically looking for him. I was amazed at how quickly she could navigate the stairs, I had a hard time keeping up with her.
In her final chapter of Alzheimer's, whenever my boss would bring her to the office, she would still follow him around but more so like a lost puppy. He was able to have her sit down, he would kiss her hand, then she would calmly sit for awhile.
Sad, insidious illness.
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