Alzheimer's and sex drive. Is this a normal phase that will pass?

It's called ISB or inappropriate sexual behavior which is common with Alzheimer's and can expand into watching porno all the time and forcing himself on you. Call his doctor...there are meds to calm down his sexual appetite before it gets out of hand. Don't put up with any behavior that bothers you or feels off to you without asking his doctor or this forum for advice! Sometimes even the doctors don't have the answers! Go to Alz.org for good info and pick up a copy of The 36 Hour Day which is an excellent reference book to answer lots of questions for you.

Good luck and Godspeed

Oh yes , I’ve seen this first hand. My mom’s friend who was in his early 80s and had Alzheimer’s, a few times , told my mom (also early 80s) to go upstairs to have sex with him. He said his ‘equipment’ still worked fine and that he just tested it out in the bathroom. He said all this in front of his wife and me.

What could I do but laugh and get my mom up to leave their home.

He did stopped talking sex eventually when he declined more and sleep most of the time.

From what I have heard, sex drives in men with Alzheimers is high on the list of what goes on. I don't blame you - who in God's name would want sex at 80 with someone who has dementia, especially since you are worn out. No way. Just ignore him.

I have seen on this forum others post about this same challenge. I think you need to start with a discussion with his physician. It may be more an OCD thing than an actual hormonal sex drive thing, which means it may be able to be controlled with medication. It does seem to be a phase that doesn't last but I have no idea for how long. Blessings to you!

Oh my, the ying and yang of everything known to man! My husband has not thought of me as a Sex Goddess for 8 years! Still plenty of hugs, and kisses, just not the things that soap operas are made out of. LOL!

if his advances are too much for you and he resists your efforts to tell him to stop, he has a problem.

If he is always talking about sex or starting to get involved in porn, he has a problem.

If he can not be directed to other activities or topics of discussion, he has a problem.

The problem is a thought obsession that he can not control. Please talk to his doctor for evaluation and treatment.

Some focus on sex, some not. I could not get my Husband to give me a hug at all! He did love to hold hands though.
You might be able to use some of his interest to your advantage.
A backrub any time is welcome.
You can also give him backrubs when you want to calm him or help him get to sleep. A bit of Lavender lotion will calm and relax him. Also the lotion is good for the skin.
But....
Only allow what you are comfortable with.
With dementia some inhibitions drop so do keep an eye on him. You don't need him exposing himself in public or making remarks in public. some of this can be difficult to control. If it becomes a problem do discuss it with his doctor.

Everyone is different.
He may just be reminiscing of the past and mostly all he can do now is talk about it and think about it.
I know you are tired but doesn't take much energy to listen. Just be happy that he still thinks of you in that way.
You can also learn to redirect the conversation.
Find things he enjoys doing.
Give him a massage once a week.
Maybe he is just missing the closeness of another human being.
Even being tired, you could lie down next to him to rest and cuddle.

First, my heart goes out to you. I hope my humble advice helps. Sex is actually a means of species to survive, and often when a person is in mental decline this seems to be the last thing to go. It can also become part of an OCD pattern in individuals with cognitive or behavioral issues, mental illness, or disease that affects the brain. Many Alzheimer's patients will obsess about sex as a means to deflect from the internal panic and confusion, rather than for the sex itself. The same goes for many BiPolar patients and Schizophrenic patients, who are sex-obsessed while in a manic episode, who are otherwise not so when in normal or depressive states. While it is flattering to be the object of your spouses desire, you still have a right to consensual sex with your spouse. The times to say "yes" are when your spouse is having very lucid moments, so that it will be meaningful. When they are sundowning, etc. it is best to just keep any contact in more of a nurturing role, hugging, hand-holding, just being there. Sex is important in connecting with your partner when they are lucid and mentally present. It can make you feel demeaned or even dare I say, "bullied" by your spouse if they push for sex when they are not really having clear thoughts or lucid, but might in fact be using you to self-soothe, like a baby would who just found their "new favorite toy". This isn't to say you might not have opportunities for a satisfying sexual experience with your spouse when they are having a good day or night. You might find it very comforting , as sex is for the most part non-verbal, and an easier way for men to show affection. Take Care.

Considering my mother was single and like this at 80, I wonder if she ran into a single fellow like this what on earth they would do together. My heart goes out to you, when it becomes an obsession/problem, this condition is called ISB. Inappropriate Sexual Behavior. I did a lot of online searching and learned there was not much I could do about it, right about the time my mom stopped. In her case, it ended with a further fantasy of a rich and loving relationship that she breathlessly described, full background and ongoing stories of her nursing home lover, a 50 yr old man visiting his wife with his disabled daughter, who was divorcing so he and my mother could marry, and on and on. It was so realistic, I called the NH. There was no visitor even vaguely close to my mom's description, much less a lover. But SHE WAS SO EXCITED AND HAPPY. Knowing she was safe, I supported her in the delusion, which passed. My mom was a lifetime prude, very disapproving of "loose" women, so the 180 degree sex obsessed phase where she described, by name, the male staff raping and touching her, was also terrifying and concerning to us all. This period lasted about 8 months total, where a focus on, first, nonconsensual sex, fading to the fantasy man, finally subsided. It was a roller coaster. This disease is horrific and there is plenty of good advice here. You may find that trying to cuddle and substitute massage for sex will ramp him up for higher expectations. Please take care of you, first.