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Hello, I'm new to the forum. I'm a 22yo woman. I'm also kind of new at caregiving. So I'm looking for some advice too. My mom has terminal cancer and she's almost bedbound now, but i've been taking care of everything since I was 19 when her battle with cancer started so I paused my life almost completely to look for her. She also has very bad anxiety, agoraphobia, and codependency issues. My sister got married before her disease started and then she left our country and she acts like she doesn't care about my mom or me. She doesn't want to come back to our country and help me with my mom. It's just me and my mom. We can't afford to pay a professional carer and our extended family doesn't like anything illness related so they don't ever come and visit my mom. They don't even call. It breaks my heart and makes me feel so alone. I'm also very very tired and drained. Sometimes my mom pressures me a lot and yells at me and makes me feel bad and I just feel like I want to die, seriously I'm just trying to do my best. She gets very depressed at times too and cries and yells so much, literally for hours. She doesn't feel loved by my sister or my extended family and says she wants to die. I don't know what to do I sometimes feel like a bad daughter or that i'm not doing enough for my mom... I wish I could deal better with her feelings.

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Hi
i am currently going thru this with my
momma. She’s 75 stage 4 cancer and been at home hospice with me for almost 6 months. It’s been hard. Very hard. She’s not completely bed bound right now but getting close. Weak. Still eats but can move around a lot. Meds keep her sedated a lot for the pain. I’m scared daily. I’ve taken a leave of absence since July 30th. Been home with her day and night now for 6 weeks watching her worsen. Hospice says time is very near. God bless you and I pray God gives you strength thru this. You and your mom
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Your pain is valid. We're here whenever you need someone to listen . . . always. Sending prayers and wishing you well.
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Maybe it's time to tell your mom that her behavior is affecting you so badly that you're drained, at the end of your rope, and wanting to die yourself. Does she realize that? At 22 years old, you're all alone and bearing this burden all by yourself, so all the crying and yelling on her part is causing you SUCH grief that you're unable to cope any longer. It's no wonder your sister ran away & the rest of the family doesn't want to come around! Behavior like this is not fair to YOU. While it's not fair that she has cancer, it's also not your fault that she's bearing this illness. You're trying your best to help her, but she's adding too much stress for you to be able to do a good job and things have to change if she wants you to keep helping her.

It's not okay that you're being treated this way, it really isn't. Maybe if you have a heart to heart talk with her, it will help the two of you get closer and things will simmer down a bit. Once she realizes how negatively her behavior is affecting you, it may cause her to back off the yelling & carrying on. She's frightened, I'm sure, so if she can talk to you about it, that would be better than all the yelling and crying which is accomplishing nothing positive.

Get out of the house every day for at least an hour; walk, pray, meditate; be by yourself to enjoy the peace & quiet, or go visit with a friend. Speak with a pastor or priest if you have one who may be able to give you some spiritual guidance, like Barb said.

Wishing you the best of luck with a very difficult situation. Know that you are NOT a bad daughter; you're just stressed out, and rightly so, as anyone would be in your shoes!! Sending you a big hug and a prayer for peace, Caroline.
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You’re so young to have this much going on and I’m sorry you’re in this position. Please know that you don’t need to listen to yelling or crying, take a break each and every time this happens. Being ill is no excuse to treat you this way. Go for a walk, whatever it takes to give no audience to yelling and crying. This behavior may very well be part of why no relatives want to come around. Have you looked into any local social services that could be a source of help?
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caroline0998 Sep 2021
Thanks for you advice. My mom is not easy to deal with at all.
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Welcome to the forum!

You and mom are both so young to be dealing with this.

Do you have Hospice services where you live?

Are you members of a church or other faith community? Sometimes there are volunteers who will provide companionship for an ill person so you can get a short break.

Can you tell us what country you're in?
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caroline0998 Sep 2021
Hello, thank you so much for your answer ☺ We are from Venezuela so our situation in general is very tough...
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