Almost 96 yr old with dementia has in DPOA statement to prevent placing in a NH...how can we work around this?

I agree that it's her money to spend provided there is enough of it, the sticking point is that if she outlives her money she may end up with very poor care in her final months because she will have to take whatever she can get. And although she is 96 it's amazing how long people can hold on - my own mother is a good example, she needed 24/7 care for years and was completely helpless for the year and a half she was in the NH. Do you have a good handle on how long the money can last, and when you will reach the tipping point?

In my state, if you could obtain a guardianship and protective placement, you could move your mother to a long-term care facility.

She honestly had/has a right to make this decision as long as her money is there. When the money runs out everyone caring for her now will be first onboard to get her placement on medicaid. She may not last long enough for that to happen. I would just step away from the situation. Periodically call and tell her I love her. That's about all you can do as I see it. She is being cared for; it is her funds and her decision.

It costs her over $20,000 a MONTH to live where she is? Did I read that correctly? That's over a quarter million a year.

She has the right and the might to do as she pleases if this is the case. Money is great at smoothing out the wrinkles of caregiving.

In my state, if ALL siblings are on the same page as far as a parent's mental status, they can invoke the POA and basically 'force' the parent to take the care situation offered. (Our attorney says he's NEVER seen this actually happen, so it's not easy to do)

Check with your attorney and see if a similar law exists where you are. Look forward and make plans with brother, but if mom is happy, content and can manage to live alone, then let her. Decide what you'll do if that 'day' comes, and don't worry about her from day to day.

At 96--she probably doesn't HAVE 4-5 more years. You're probably worrying about something that won't need to be dealt with. But do plan ahead, and then put your mind at rest.

If she is in hospice, she will HAVE to have 24/7 care and that is most likely in a NH unless she can afford to pay for round the clock care. A person can't really do hospice without outside support.

Are you sure that the directive that she never go into a NH is legally enforceable? In my mind it is like a will that leaves a certain sum of money to each heir yet there is no money to give, it's a nice thought but not based in reality. If you and your brother agree, and if your mother is legally incompetent, then who would challenge your decision to get her the care she needs and can afford?