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My dad and step mom are in assisted living. They both have dementia and my dad has stage 3 colon cancer. I have been taking my dad to his chemo appointments and have a home health service come in to stay with step mom while he's gone and the service stays there for 3 days because my dad has to wear a chemo pump for 46.5 hours and managed to take it off the first time. Step mom is now on Hospice - she's not eating, sleeping mostly, immobile, etc. I would like to have home health care services (companion care) come in to help my dad cope if/when she passes but it's not allowed due to Covid-19 restrictions even though they are isolated to their room. He doesn't realize she's dying and when she does....well, it won't go well for my dad. He's never been alone. They won't let me in either even though I sit in the Infusion room with him every other week for the past 4 months...4+ hours at a time. Any ideas? Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Moving them in with me is not an option for many, many reasons.

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JustDucky, I'm in MN and my MIL's facility is still locked down. In our state it won't matter what is going on with your LO's -- they won't allow you in, no matter how sick, no matter anything. My 85-yr old MIL had covid in May. No underlying conditions. She was extremely sick for 4 weeks. We had 2 of her sons from AZ come up to "say goodbye". Hospice was requested on week 4. All we had were not-very-helpful window visits (she was too sick, not at the window bed, we all had masks so she didn't recognize us). Even if she had passed they weren't going to let us in or her out. But then she recovered completely. We will finally be able to visit in person outside 6 feet apart for the first time since mid-March. I'm so sorry for your dilemma with your parents, but they facilities have been very strict with no exceptions. I don't have anything more helpful to offer you except realistic expectations for the coming days. If you move them out of the facility you would definitely need outside help to manage things, and that's where the covid is brought in. The staff is how covid got into my MIL's facility to begin with. For some problems there are just no good solutions. That's where we're all at right now. May you have peace in your heart during the coming days.
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Check the CDC and your State's rules (your Governor) for ALFs on their websites. ALFs appear to be following the same guidelines for Nursing Homes. I read they're supposed to allow "compassionate care" (end of life) visits with restrictions. It would still depend on the facility, I believe. I hope you will be allowed in safely.

I'm so sorry for what you're all going through.

Prayers to you and your family... lil
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