How do I deal with an alcoholic husband and a chaotic caregiving job?


I feel I'm drowning. To much to handle, what should I do to help ME?? Been dealing with this alcoholism for four years, been caregiving just as long consistently. I need a life. I come home and sit.. watch him get drunk, and play on the computer. For literally 5 hours. My caregiving job is chaotic. I want a nice dinner out, or go bowling anything!!! I'm hanging by a thin thread, I deal with a lot at work and come home to an emotionally unattached person. Don't have a lot of friends either cause of his drinking. I know I'm way off topic... but both go hand and hand with my mood.

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One word...DIVORCE. Good bye, Loser, hello LIFE.
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I will definitely check out al-anon. He is never violent, just gets angry when I bring up getting help. He has so many excuses why he drinks. I actually stayed longer at work just so I didn't have to go home. Super bowl, another excuse. My job is getting better but I need a night out, a day out.. anything. It's been four years, 3 days of him being sober. I can't stand my daily routine. Seriously the same stuff everyday. I'm lonely, I'm stressed.. tried counseling, waste of money. And friends? No one I can trust, I talk about anything and its all over town. So it's pent up frustration. I've begged, left, set ultimatum.. nothing. Between work and home, I'm miserable. We never can go out cause he wants to drink. And I'm not kidding when I say he's on the computer (fb) till he's ready to pass out. He even contacts women and doesn't remember. Example: told my ex sis in law wish he would of met her before me, she deserves so much. She told me and let me log in to her account to see.
If you've seen any of my comments, I take care of a schizophrenic bed ridden patient. Sometimes days are good, some are bad. I'm so sick of dealing with "everyone" and not having anyone.... Ahhhh. Thanks for letting me vent..
Helpful Answer (1)

Yes you need friends or a friend you can trust and able to vent too and they will keep it confidential Al-anon is also very helpful and your husband he should go get the help he needs no more denial time for intervention give him a scare tell him your unhappy you've had enough but be careful some people who drink become violent when they feel threaten. I hope you find happiness again I understand my ex was a alcoholic big time had to leave.
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".... I don't have a lot of friends because of his drinking."

This is one of the saddest things I've read here.You need some friends BECAUSE of his drinking. A gal pal you can have lunch with or see a movie with. Or an activity or hobby that you enjoy. Anything to not sit around and watch him get drunk all evening.

I'm a recovering alcoholic (it will be 17 years tomorrow that I got sober) and for every alcoholic there is usually a co-dependent trailing along not far behind. That's were Alanon comes in. It would be a great place for you to learn the skills you need to be able to stay sane while living with an alcoholic and you'll meet some amazing people and make great friends.
Helpful Answer (3)

You need to check out Al-anon. For YOU, not your husband. You will find that there are a lot of members who are also caregivers. Here is a link to find meetings in your area.
You are on the right path, looking for a way to help yourself. You can not help anyone else if you can't help yourself. Keep up the good work. :-)
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