Follow
Share

Hi.
I am the only girl in a family of 4 children. My oldest brother is an alcoholic. He moved to my current state when things got bad in his neighborhood in our home state. He bought a house here, 2 blocks from me, and moved down. Than he had 3 strokes and double brain surgery. He continued to drink, and has a pill pusher for a Dr. This is a small town, and my health is failing, and I want to move to the city or back home for better health care. He refuses to move. Right now he is in ICU. He has another alcoholic, a friend since they were teens, taking care of him. It is not the best scenario. I have been caring for my brother on and off for 30+ years, and I am angry. I quit drinking when I was 25. I am now 54. It is not fair that just because I live near him, I have to take care of him. I am disabled due to mental problems. My other siblings live in DC and South Florida and say "What can we do from 1500 miles away". I love my brother dearly, but he made the choice to drink. Why should I have to be the designated caregiver for the rest of his, or my, life? He owns his home, but it is a dump. I want to sell my home and move, but I get grief from my family...and I feel guilty. We had nurses and physical therapists coming in to care for him, but he was mean and nasty and threw them out. They refuse to come back. If I just sell my house and move back home...1000 miles away....the guilt will kill me. If I stay here and care for him, the anger and stress will kill me. The stroke was caused by him getting drunk, falling down the stairs, and having a bleed on his brain. He is 60 and I don't know what to do. Has anyone been in this situation??

This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

7 Answers

Most
Helpful Newest
First Oldest
First
I had serious addiction problems in my family.  I can match horror stories with anyone.   You can't change these people. But you can change and have a life.

Sell you home, get out and don't look back. Your family guilt trips you? Tell them to move and take care of dear brother. Get off this train wreck express.
Helpful Answer (7)
Report
What Windy said, dear. Save yourself.
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
"It is not fair that just because I live near him, I have to take care of him." Of course it is not fair! It is a good thing that you have it within your power to change things.

"Why should I have to be the designated caregiver for the rest of his, or my, life?" Well apparently the answer is because your family knows how to push your guilt buttons and you haven't been able (so far) to stand up to them and live your own life. It is a good thing that you can change that, isn't it?

Sell you home, get out and don't look back.

If this situation has been going on for years and years it will very hard emotionally and psychologically to correct. You mention mental health issues. If you are under the care of a psychiatrist, ask for a referral to a therapist. You deserve all the support you need to see you through this transition.

And post here often -- plenty of us will offer encouragement. We are on your side!
Helpful Answer (3)
Report
Thankyou so much everyone. There was drama at the my brothers house this weekend, and he is in the hospital. His caregiver got drunk, pushed his adult daughter who isn't even supposed to be living there, and she called the police. She had him arrested and filed a PPO. Now she is in my brothers house, the caregiver is in jail and can't come back to the house, and she has her druggie friends coming in and out all day and night. The neighbor called me and told me. My brother has gone downhill at the hospital. I can't get out of bed to do anything. I am ready to let them auction off my house and just run away. Thanks again. It is hard to walk away. There are no therapists in this po dunk town, and I need to move to the city to see someone good. I don't drive much anymore. Again, this is all on me. My other brother is battling hurricane Irma in Florida. My youngest brother won't talk to me because he got drunk and called me to sing songs and be stupid years ago, and I told him I was busy. He said I was a *itch. I called him an ***hole and hung up. Now, he says I am dead to him. What a life.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Calgon take me away!!!
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
See if there are any therapists that will do Skype if there are no reputable therapists in your area. It might be helpful for you as well to join Alcoholics Anonymous. Keep in mind that it's not your circle and not your monkeys. You have every right to sell your house and move away. Let your other brothers take care of this problem child. Get yourself in a good spot and enjoy your life.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
Do what u need to do for yourself. I will bet the brothers feel that ur the girl and its ur job. Maybe the hospital will transfer him to a home. When u move, tell no one until u have settled in. You can not change this man and he is where he is because he did it to himself.
Helpful Answer (0)
Report
This question has been closed for answers. Ask a New Question.

Recent Questions


Popular Questions


Related Questions

Ask a Question
Subscribe to
Our Newsletter