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He has Medicare and Medicaid. I called the Social Security office today to ask for an increase and was denied. The new administrator at the AL is new and so far has been of no help. The lady said either family has to pay the rest or find a new home somewhere else, like my home! Um, no to my home!
Now what? I need to know what kind of questions to ask and to whom...any kind of advice that's out there please direct me!

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MsPat, he served some time in the National Guard only.
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to Bella7, when you say he didn't qualify for VA benefits, is that because he didn't serve during war time? My spouse served during wartime but because he had assets over 90K he did not qualify for assistance. However I feel lucky that an opening came up in the ALZ wing and I was able to get him in. It costs around $5000.00 a month but the care is fantastic, the facility is clean, the workers are absolutely fantastic. I truly believe he is getting the best care possible. Yes I know our funds will run out and a lien will be placed on our home but the care he gets is worth it. Talk to them if he is eligible.
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No worries Llamalover47!
Hugs💜💞💗thankyou😘
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Bella7: As I always try to learn from my errors, I went over this thread with the proverbial "fine-toothed comb." It was ridiculously stupid of me to think that an elder could get an AL for $650 per month. Of course I understand that Medicaid supplements your dad's AL. What is appalling is that you are having to cover his daily needs, i.e. toilet paper, personal items, etc. I'm so very sorry that you have had to outlay thousands of dollars. I sincerely apologize for my error and I hope that you will forgive me.
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SueC1957, I understand! I started saving for retirement in my early 20s also. I took over a family business at age 28 and have always worked as an independent contractor with no benefits and no guarantees. I was able to save well until my early 40s...that's when the recession hit. Our business has never fully recovered. Now my idea of success is just making ends meet. We can no longer set aside money for retirement. It's hard to change careers mid-stream. I agree, it's only money. I thought I was in control, saving for a secure retirement (and wasn't I so smart??). Anyhoo, I realize now that "retirement" will be different than I planned, less adventurous and less secure, but that's OK. That's the way a lot of people will be doing it as well. I hope Medicaid will be there if necessary because there will be a lot of us needing it when the sh*t hits the fan. I feel for the original poster of this thread and I understand where the family is at.
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I started saving for retirement in 1979 (at 22), when I graduated from nursing school. Over the course of 32 years, I acquired a good nest egg.

Fast forward to 2011 (54 yr. old), having married a wonderful Mexican man a few years earlier, we had unofficially retired in Puerto Vallarta, Mexico. We used the government health plan "Seguro Popular" (like Medicaid/Medi-Cal in the US).

Along comes a devastating pneumonia that the government hospital couldn't treat. I had no idea how underfunded they were. (No diagnostic equipment to diagnose, no medications (I bought them at the pharmacy across the street from the hospital), X-Ray machine didn't work, etc.)
After realizing he would die in the Regional Hospital, I had him transferred to the best private hospital with the only pulmonologist in the city. I wiped out the $80,000+ retirement in less than 2 months! (Doctor(s) charge, hospital charge, equipment for home, physical therapy at home, medications, etc.) (If it had been in the US, it would have been well over a million dollars.)

Long story short, we couldn't stay retired anymore. We moved to Tijuana to save money on rent. I work in San Diego. He works from home. I've had a hell of a time getting a full time job with benefits. It's like they don't exist. Or maybe nobody wants a 61 year old nurse. Whatever the case, I'm grateful to have my 3 days a week with my patient in his home.

Our retirement will be much different than what I originally thought. Even being a good planner, it can ALL be gone in the blink of an eye.
I've had to rethink things. It's just money. (Can you imagine my aunt told me to let him die so I wouldn't lose my retirement? Wow!)

Obviously, I'm so happy my husband survived. We'll make it on Social Security and what he makes with his art. We'll retire in Mexico (just NOT Tijuana) where money definitely goes further (especially rent and paying for labor). Hopefully, Social Security will still be there for me. I plan on teaching English as a second language to supplement the income.

One thing's for sure, Nothing's "for sure" in life.
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Bella7: I erred and I apologize.
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Upsteam--Yes, things are getting trickier, but there are also some new opportunities that didn't exist years ago, such as ETFs--however, you have to have money put aside to be able to invest in these, and you have to watch them closely because their value can change substantially within an hour. I have a 26 y/o nephew who is quite responsible, and is already doing well investing. Yes, I see so many articles criticizing millennials but every generation has its good and not-so-good members; having said this, I agree that it can be harder for many of the millennials to get a good start financially.
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Llamalover47, my opening question states it pretty clear.

Thank you jeannegibbs for your advice 💜
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jacobsonbob, sadly I think the upcoming generations will have little choice but to work to the exclusion of living life, if they expect any kind of financial security. We all love to rag on millenials but they are coming up in the "gig" economy in which it takes two adults working two full-time or 3-4 part-time jobs to make it. I am invested in the stock market but timing is everything, it could crash right at the time the money is needed. After the last crash last decade, I consider my investments to be Monopoly money, and maybe won't be there when needed.
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jeannegibbs: My bad then. It seemed like a valid statement to make since JoAnn had said something similar. And so did Worried.
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Upstream--No, I didn't sacrifice my youthful years. I've been all over the US and in 4 other continents, have several interesting collections, and have had my share of fun, but I did comparison shopping before spending money. At 65 I still invest for growth and am making plans for the time after my mother is gone (I retired at 60 and moved where I am now specifically to care for my parents and now only my mother). Even though I travel, I still spend little more than my SS check to live because I've been living well under my means most of my life. My first "real" full-time job came at almost age 28 (after grad school) and then I found myself unemployed at 30 due to a major downsizing in the company. It took 17 months to find a new job, and I decided that I was never going to live such that I needed a paycheck just to survive a fairly short time (I also invested some of my unemployment checks and made a nice profit). Admittedly it's difficult to plan to pay for 20 years in a nursing home and people probably shouldn't specifically plan for this, but it's good to have the portfolio that could cover it. I think it's fun to watch a portfolio grow--sort of like a sport that provides useful benefits!
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Jacobsonbob, so sacrifice your youthful years so you can have a pile of cash at 90? I spent my 20s, 30s and 40s working and saving for the future, to the exclusion of living life. Now at 50 I realize I really can't save enough to take care of me during possibly 20 years of old age and needing assistance. I refuse to now spend my 50s and 60s working and saving for that "wonderful" future. It's also a shame that you have to place your savings in risky investments in order to save enough. Our way of life is whacked.
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His increase was $5.
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mally1, the waiting list would be into the next century!
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Too bad Jeanne; if it was really only $650 most of us would move in and not have to cook or do housekeeping!
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Of course he is not in an AL for $650 per month, Llamalover47! That is his portion. Medicaid pays the rest. And if he has gotten an increase in SS for 2018, then his portion would go up.
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An AL for $650 per month? That's very atypical.
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Thank you frugaldietician 💞
Good luck and much happiness to you as well! 😉
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I have been caring for 3 family members (differing times and help needed) for almost 15 years. Still caring for my dad (lives in an amazing facility but not cheap) but my mom and brother have passed. Before illness, I was lucky to have a great upbringing and caring brother but times it was and still difficult to do what I do. Bella, I would be very hard pressed to do what you do with a father like yours. Even small expenses can add up. I also have to impress upon people, who have never been an adult caregiver (not like raising children), please don't give unwanted advice. I have 3 remaining brothers but none live close (Issues there too). Bella, good luck and all adult caregivers. Some day we will be counting on others to care for us.
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..."complaining" ? Wonder how you'd feel after wearing MY shoes.

Like I said, $10 bucks is nuthin!

Big thanks to those here who understand💜 Right on Jeanne Shane and isthisrealyreal!


Didn't  qualify for VA benefits.

Oh yea,  suckin it up is nuthin either...
 Been doin that my whole life with him 👍
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If you Dad is only making that small amount, maybe he can qualify for some low income programs. They only charge 30% or so of the rent.
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I think Bella is unconcerned about the $10; that the fact that her father wasn’t there to raise or support her and now she is actually supporting him, more or less, is the issue.
I agree with you Bella. You’ll be rewarded in other ways - like having a great husband & extra happiness - priceless. 
Hang in there, chickie.
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Bella, I didn't read through replies so maybe someone has already said this. Seems what you need to do is apply your father for SSI income, based on need + elderly. The minimum financial monthly amount is $700 per person, and it's my understanding that that is a minimum income set forth by U.S. gov't (otherwise I don't know how they came up with that specific $ amount). SSI is what makes up any difference if your father doesn't receive $700 or more per month in Soc Security.

My father was receiving $350 Soc Sec. He also gets a small amount of VA. SSI provides him the difference between those totals and $700 per month.

Hope this helps.
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Bella, I am so sorry you are having to take this journey. I am in a similar situation with my Dad. I was disposable when he had the health and money to do what he wanted, including raising the 2 daughters of his 3rd wife. I think he believed that the teeny bopper wife would stick around until he passed, only stuck around until all of his money was gone and she could get benefits from his Social security (that 10 year thing). They were together for 18 years, i had minimal contact with him, he had moved on and had a new family. Now he is an old man and is P**sed off that i will not let him live at my house. Oh well, i will not be guilted into having a narcissistic, self centered, slob ruining the joy and peace I have in my life, the bitter resentment is getting better, lots of prayers and tears. I don't hate him, I have already mourned the loss of my dad and I help this person by making sure he is in a place where all of his NEEDS are met. It's more then he did for me, so I feel your anger, hurt, frustration and resentment in this situation. I live in a state that he can not be put out of a facility without a safe place to go and I do not have to take him, I can say I am not a safe release plan and at that point the State has to step in and become his guardian. It has not come to that but if I had some AL telling me pay up or out he goes I would contact the council on aging and find out who I report this facility to and how to get him made a ward of the State, I refuse to take responsibility for him. Maybe someday I will feel different but not as long as he continues to be what he is and I still don't matter unless he wants something from me. Keep you head up and don't let anyone bully you into bringing this man to your home. God Bless You and heal your heart.
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Pay the $10 and be grateful that is all you have to pay per month to take care of your parent. Sorry but as someone who cares for a mother with Alzheimer because I don't feel comfortable putting her in an AL or Nursing home, if you don't want him in your house and he is in a good place, then suck it up and stop complaining about $10. That is less than 3 Starbucks coffees or packs of cigarettes a month.
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Upstream, it's possible to provide for a decade or more of long-term care in a facility, but for most people this requires long-term investments that grow for decades, too. It won't happen simply by putting money into a savings account or similar low-paying investment (unless you have a sufficiently-large windfall). Your money has to have its own "career" and work as hard as you do. However, it's true that for a lot of people this simply isn't going to happen.
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Corinna, AL stands for Assisted Living.
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Placement for Mom is looming so about to enter the Medicaid arena. Did you folks have the facility fill out the application or is better to have an Attorney do it.

The whole process is intimidating altho I have kept receipts for Mom's spending on household items & utilities it just seems like they are out to get us. Mom put the house in a trust yrs ago.........sounds crazy but it might have been easier if she didn't. It's a money pit from neglect over the last several yrs since her husband died from ALZ. It seems like I could place her & tell Medicare to take it all.
Any advice would be appreciated.......
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i can see that perhaps an unspoken concern is what will you do if the "gap" continues to increase? I think that may be the underlying issue. Of course, you will pay the $10 because you are being forced to. What happens if the gap then becomes $200 and they know that you will pay that as well. I do not know enough about medicaid to even venture a guess. Was your father a veteran? If so, is he eligible for any VA benefits?
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