Mom has dementia with hallucinations and is super paranoid at night. She doesn't want an aid to live with her, wants me to do everything for her. She calls many times a day. At night she calls and wants her gun.Do I have to wait until she falls or hurts herself to admit her to a safe environment? Has anyone filed for guardianship for a parent?
Call nursing homes and speak to the admissions director or administrator.
Ask what their policies are.
Call Associations (i.e., Alzheimers, others) - local or national.
Speak to her medical provider(s).
You do not have to wait to do your research.
Hire a medical social worker to help you if you need.
I do not know what legal document 'guardianship' is although I was a fiduciary for my friend of 18 years. It is / was a HUGE responsibility.
It sounds like your mother needs to be in a facility ASAP.
Gena / Touch Matters
Sadly, if she doesn't agree and doesn't give you POA, then you will have to wait until she has an emergency accident. Or, you can follow AlvaDeer's suggestion and contact APS.
B) Dangerous to your wellbeing in that you will be held responsible for the person you have won guardianship of and in that no judge is likely to EVER allow you to resign guardianship, even should you fall ill.
Quite honestly I would speak with APS about all of this and I would suggest that you are unable to handle this situation yourself, and will require the state to take guardianship. Do know that should the state do just that, you will no longer have choices of placement or assets.
I would never want guardianship over someone who is not cooperative. It is an impossible task, in all truth.
I do wish you the best.
I did it all myself. That said, be careful what you wish for. It is a lot of work and responsibility.
If you have no POA then call APS for help.
You don't have to wait for her to fall, you can wait until she is clearly having a hallucination and then call 911 and tell them you think she has an undiagnosed UTI and is refusing care. Do not mention dementia, as this is not considered a medical emergency. FYI, they do not diagnose dementia in the ER.
The ER may be the pathway to more appropriate care: you talk to the discharge planner and tell them she is uncooperative and is an "unsafe discharge". Refuse to take her to her home -- or yours. Then ask to talk to the hospital social worker to discuss options. Do not take her out of the hospital for any reason. They may put her in the psych unit and attempt to get her to comply with meds (assuming she doesn't actually have an infection). If they can calm her down she may be more cooperative with a permanent care solution.
Would she freak out and refuse to cooperate?
If so, could you pick the place, set the date, and then tell her “Mom, we’re going out to lunch” and then take her there for lunch, but leave her there?
You may not have DPOA, but what are the risks? She sues you? Rewrites her will and excludes you? Is she even capable of contacting a lawyer, explaining the situation from her point of view, etc? Or would her dementia be obvious if she even were able to contact a lawyer and set up an appointment?
Would legal entities or her doctor agree if they were consulted that this is the best plan for her?
Good luck!!!
What does her doctor recommend?
Reasons?
#1. It is very difficult to get guardianship. The courts are loathe to take a citizen's rights from him or her even he or she has even MINIMAL capacity.
#2. It is costly to get guadianship. This goes through the courts and requires an attorney and requires appointment of an attorney to the loved one you are attemping to get conservatorship over.
#3. Let us say you jump all THOSE hoops. And have guardianship.
A) YOU are now responsible for anything/everything that goes wrong
B) You CANNOT resign. This would take a costly court action and judges do NOT allow resignation which is required. THEY don't want the state having to take over.
For all of the above reasons and more I suggest that you call APS. Let them know you have no POA and you do not want guardianship for an uncooperative senior. Let them know you feel she is unsafe and should have state guardianship
Do be aware that if State does take over you have ZERO to say about sale of property, management of her funds or where, when, how and why she gets placement.
This all isn't easy. So yes, you may be down to what I call "getting THE call". The call comes from a hospital ("Hi, you know we have your mother here in the ER"; if this happens call in social workers at once.) Or it comes from the coroner (Hi. Sorry to tell you this but...... (then you arrange the funeral). Or it is a neighbor who has already called APS. Tell them thanks.
Sadly, a medical emergency is the only way to place a vulnerable elder in a facility/ And please be aware that is only if the hospital medical staff, SW and rehab/nursing home facility has deemed it medically necessary for placement.