After my husbands stroke, close friends stopped asking us to join them. Any advice?

Wow, that can be so overwhelming for you, especially if you were socially active and used to having good times with friends. It's not surprising to see people withdraw after a major health crisis. Some people stay away because they assume the family needs "space". Keep this in mind - some of you friends may fit into this category, so if you can, find a way to invite a friend or two over for dinner. People talk, so if it goes well and they report to others that they enjoyed their visit, you might find you have a full dance card again. My parents did this when dad was recovering from cancer, and within a few weeks, most of their friends were stopping by, sending invites to small gatherings, etc. A few never responded and never came back, but they were obviously the kind of people we didn't need around at that time anyway.

If dinner is too much right now, try a lunch, or maybe cards with just 2 friends. You have to let them know you and husband's lives haven't ended and that you want to get back to at least some of your social life again.

Invite them to your place, but keep the visits short, about an hour. Realize that someone with both a heart condition and stroke can't keep up the same pace. Old age has a way of breaking up couples' clubs, because none of the participants has the stamina they used to. Not just your hubby.

Maybe if your friends don't come around with all the suggestions above, see if there are stroke support groups you and he could get in with and make some new friends who really understand.

I remember one of my first adult patients as a rehab doc - they did great, were independent and mobile again - but simply because of having had a stroke, they ASSUMED there would be no going back out in public and rejoining their old activities that they were perfectly capable of. I was so sad and felt so defeated, but that was a more common attitude than I realized. I had a relative who came out to all the gatherings despite a pretty bad residual hemiplegia in contrast, and that cheered me up a bit though!

It's happen often, now you do know who's really so call " good friends are".... well actually people never had the experience of any type of diseases in family, just don't know what and how to say word and comfort you ... but I really think they are thinking about you and your husband. When I was caring for my dear friend whose had colon cancer, I did invite his friend for small lunch every week till he passed in 1999,( I also invited catholic priest). when his friends call I just say politely" he is doing much better then I would expected" that he told me to tell all his friends..... so be strong for your husband!! And don't forget take care of yourself!! You might find NEW friends!!

I had to retire from work due to a medical disability. I had spent 3 years trying to continue working before it just became too much. I was very involved with a statewide and national organizations. I heard basically nothing from any of them after. Sometimes people get these funny ideas that we don't want to continue friendships just because life has changed. Some people don't know what to say so they say nothing.

I try to make a point to talk with people using canes, wheelchairs, and walkers. Make eye contact and let them know I can identify with them and recognize taht they are a person and they count.

Do you have a local senior center or community center where you and your husband could go for an hour or so to socialize and meet others? Perhaps you can go alone at first and scope it out. I started going to our local center for mom (90) and found that I could make friends there as well. We all (mom and I - as well as my husband) go to functions together or separately. We have a new group of friends. Also I teach art classes several times a month and just love it.

We've been experiencing this for the past couple years, due to my husbands limits between neuropathy and PD. I kept expecting them to try to accommodate his limits with different activities, but it didn't happen. I was hurt for him and ticked at them. But my attitude wasn't changing things and he really needed and missed this normal part of life. So I made a list of things he can do and gradually started to initiate getting together. I called one couple and made dinner plans a couple times. At dinner, I mentioned things we used to do that we still can, like join friends to watch a football game. We can host friends for poker. Gradually, we've started being included once again. In fact, one friends adapted their spring river fishing trip to include a boat so my husband can go fish without having to stand and possibly slip. They know the limits better and they know we might cancel. I'd say think of things you can do, even if it's meeting for coffee or inviting someone over for dessert. You have to jump start this process for them. Hugs.