After Elder Protective visit, my siblings blocked my calls to my mom. Should this be reported or is it allowed? Mom is still at home.

Vince, Mark has not posted since October of 2024.

Thanks for the update. Its always nice hearing the other side. We do take in consideration therebis always two sides to every story abd then the truth.

I am the brother of my sister Ronda aka "Mark". I live in the same part of Maryland as "Mark" and our mother is in Rhode Island. Just to update everyone on this situation. My wife and I have been traveling up to help with my mother every two weeks to take a little bit of responsibility off our other sister Alison and brother who live near our mom and give them a breather. Alison is POA and is my moms lifeline. She is single and works full time for the federal government and is the one that my mom calls every 15 minutes when she needs anything or just wants to feel safe and Alison runs over to check on mom a few times a day when she has breaks. Mark hadn't been up to see our mom since last October but continually has criticized and tormented Alison about one thing or another concerning caring for mom. So, I have been there every two or three weeks and have witnessed some of it first hand. One day I was helping straighten up around christmas and found an Amazon camera hidden in moms living room that was live and connected to the wifi but not to mom or Alisons accounts. Ronda had placed it there to surveil my sister and mom. I threw that out. Then before that Ronda had visited mom maybe in October or last summer and found something in the frige expired and instead of throwing it out she left it there and went home and called protective service to go out and check it. A couple of weeks ago Ronda traveled to RI after 8 months of not seeing mom and "worrying" about her but went to stay with her son and just stopped in to take mom to lunch for 2 or 3 hours the next day then dropped her off and left go home. Mom by the way has a big beautiful home with three spare bedrooms and is in a beautiful part of RI near the ocean and tells Ronda everytime she has called while I am there that she wishes she would come and stay with her. A week later she came back to see her son again and did the same thing. Stayed with him and this time Alison brought mom to her sons house for a birthday party so mom could see everyone. The next morning Ronda stopped by moms again on her way home and came in the house but mom was in her bedroom sleeping so Ronda left a box of donuts on the counter and left to go back to MD with her husband. Mom went into the kitchen and saw the donuts and called Alison to ask who was there. While on the phone with Alison her phone rang so Alison said get it. Mom tried to switch over but there was nobody there. A minute later it rang again and she tried to answer but nobody was there. a couple minutes later it rang again and she tried to answer it and this time someone was there. It was the local police saying they were sending out a cruiser to the house and that Ronda called them to do a welfare check. He said he would call them off since everything was alright and was going to call Ronda back to let her know mom is fine. within the next hour or so Alison and my brother called the police back to find out what had happened. They said its a good thing they got in touch with my mom because the police would have maybe had to break in if mom didnt respond to the doorbell or knocking which sometimes she doesnt if she isnt expecting someone. How traumatic would that have been. Two hours later Ronda called mom back and asked her why she didnt answer her call earlier mom said why did you call the police. Just then my brother walked in and heard what was going on and took the phone and asked the same thing. Ronda said you are blocking my calls and everytime I call if I dont get her Im going to do the same thing because I care about her. He said if mom is in the bathroom or taking a nap? He said how about trying her cell phone or him or Alison or I said how about the neighbor across the street or next door who always check on mom. There is always one sibling who for their own internal reasons stirs things and creates situations and tries to pit one against the other and our family has Ronda. Who else identifies?

OLD POST FROM JUNE

June question.
Mark did not return nor did he respond here. Mark has a more recent post and apparently keeps having problems. This appears to be yet another case of siblings at war.

Hmmmm

markTS1970: Retain an elder law attorney posthaste.

Not fair at all ...mom has every right to speak with all of her children.Probably very important that you keep in touch with her and eyes on the situation. Just in case someone is doing the wrong thing.

Mark, this is just to give a different slant to consider. Your profile says that you are “taking care of my mom from a distance”. The simple answer to that is ‘no you aren’t’. Your brother and S are doing or organising all the hands-on care, just because they are the ones with the hands on the ground. Plus of course their spouses, if any.

We do have ‘from a distance’ family members who think caring should be done by local siblings for love and for free, and ‘really isn’t that much anyway’. Also some who tell the parent that they are being exploited by the locals, which makes care even more difficult. I’m not saying that’s what you are doing, but it is certainly true sometimes, and clearly the reaction of B and S didn’t come out of nowhere.

Two things you could do (besides giving up your joint POA):
1) Ask Elder Protective services what THEY discovered, not what your M with dementia said.
2) Offer to use one of your paid holidays to ‘spell’ your B and S so that you can see hands-on what the care involves, and B and S (plus spouses) can get a break.

'Rushing to help' is cheaper and better than 'rushing to the law' or 'rushing to blame'.

Worth a thought? You have several relationships at risk here, for the rest of your life.

You need to speak to an elder attorney………what they’re doing is elder abuse.

A POA has to act in mom’s best interests & it doesn’t sound like that’s what they’re doing

It is "IT IS ISOLATION", if either siblings did this blocking your number, which is a crime. Financial Exploitation is a crime, POWER OF ATTORNEY does not give anyone the right to exploit money, it is money used for, "your mom's best interest". Was your mom in clear sound and state of mind, when Power of Attorney was given to your brother? (If you brother got Power of Attorney and your mom was not in clear sound of mind, your can request a hearing in civil state cicuit court. Address the Financial Exploitation and the Isolation. Keep a daily journal of the any things and all of what was/is happening with date and time even document start and end times when Journaling.

ps: I'm in Oregon and the state laws may differ. Laws may differ, reading the "Older Americans Act of 1965", might help. The United States Bar Association might have a service, in which you pay a one time fee for questions for you year.

I'm from Oregon and am my mom's Conservator and Guardian. I wish you the BEST OF LUCK, it's huge trying to navigate this on your own. I almost thought I was reading my own post. This is very sad.

Financial exploitation is a crime, yes and if Adult Protective Services did nothing and Mom does have dementia she should not be able to consent to giving Money., I would assume your Mom told them she was fine and if asked she gave them consent. If she does have dementia she is unable to change POA and the courts would have to be involved to appoint a guardian

If Adult protective services did not resolve what you think is possible abuse, it is time to consult an attorney! Be prepared to get real evidence, though.

It is ILLEGAL for anyone to take advantage of an elder's finances, especially the POA! If you think the sister is also part of the problem, she has a legal responsibility to act in a way that is in the elder's best interest.
Not only financial abuse, but they could be feeding her misinformation, or keeping her from receiving services she wants or needs.

If you are concerned, you need to intervene! I understand, no one wants to pay for an attorney. But if you can find a way, this is your chance to act and possibly change what's happening.

Forget elder services. I found they do nothing to help the situation and if your mom won’t go against your sibling they’ll say everything is fine.

My sibling blocked myself & my kids from seeing & speaking to my mom & had her trust & will amended to benefit himself.

Time to speak to a litigation attorney who deals with elderly cases to find out what your options are. Your brother sounds as evil as mine.

Yes bank statements, medications not picked up, credit card statements for my dad who is deceased

https://recordinglaw.com/party-two-party-consent-states/connecticut-recording-laws/

Your brother can record a convo between he and you under your states laws.

Elder Services seems to be APS where OP lives.

I am not saying that brother is not wrong in what he is doing. And no, he can't record you without telling you first. All he wanted was you admitting you called ES. He can't do anything about that. You had a right to make the call. I would though if you haven't yet, have your POA revoked. But then, you may need it in the future.

Not trying to be rude here, but what did you think was going to happen when it was found you called ES. Seems brother is controlling Mom. He has now blocked you. He probably has removed your info from Moms phone. Maybe she will remember your phone#.

Please update us on Elder services findings. Tell them u have been blocked and that you were recorded without ur knowledge.

See an elder attorney - usually you can get a consult for a base price to ask as many questions as you can in an hour - best money you can spend. Also, find out who has POA, if mom still has her senses she can assign anyone.
Continue to call elder abuse, or have a wellness check by police.

If you have proof of Elder Financial Abuse then it needs to be reported. (APS will generally look into physical aspects but can not delve into financial records.
I would take your concerns to an attorney.
If you have other proof you could try to obtain Guardianship so you then would be responsible for mom. This is not easy not is it inexpensive.

You would have to check into the laws in your State to determine if audio recording without 2 party consent is legal, (and I doubt that mom could give legal consent so that may be your answer there)

...my brother who runs rampant with moms debit card, cashes huge checks and ran up my deceased dads credit card... How do you know this information? If you have hard evidence of this why don't you bring this to APS or an attorney? I don't have any experience with APS but not sure they have the ability to look into people's finances very easily. Are you looking to remove your brother's presence and influence? Are you saying your sister in in collusion with him? I'm sorry that this conflict with your siblings over your Mom's care is causing such distress. If this is a financial matter I would consult with an attorney on what specific evidence you'll need to bring about a change in your Mom's best interests.