90 years oldBacked out of Cremation; mother still paid for hers and is all set.Won't give any ownership to checking account.Won't talk about POA for Finances or Health.Does have a Will and Life Insurance.He lives 1500 miles away from us.He is "hurt / angry" for us dragging (which we did not) him to the bank and cremation business.Thinks his only child is going to take his money - we have plenty of money; we just want things "smoother" when the time comes.
If he is cognizant he does not "need" to name a POA. And legally if m om is cognizant she is the one that will be making decisions for him.
You can remind him ONE TIME that if something does happen (mom and) you will be making decisions based on what you know at the time and what you might think he would want.
I have to ask why you would "drag" anyone to the bank and to a funeral home/crematory ?
You may want things "smoother when the time comes" but I think you should strive for a "smoother" relationship NOW and forget about his future.
You might take this time to plan your own end of life. it will keep you busy.
That given, if your father has dementia and is endangering his funds, you should feel free to step forward, assist in his diagnosis, and and act as his conservator or his guardian after court appointment.
You just want things smoother? So I am 83, and am dealing with my second (in my lifetime) bout of breast cancer. Guess I can expect my daughter at the house discussing my cremation at any time? Just so happens I have discussed EVERYTHING with her all my LIFE and hers because I LOVE her. So telling her what establishment will cremate me has already been discussed.
I BROUGHT THE SUBJECT UP MYSELF.
She would have never done such a thing. Her only concern is what my end of life wishes are, who will carry them out if I am unable, and how best to support me and love on me.
While you may be the kindest and most throughful son/daughter in the world, I must say that is not how you are coming across. Perhaps you should "say more". Convince me of all the love you feel for Dad, and how his end of life care is so important to you in keeping him safe, happy and comfortable.
One way to get to some elderly is to tell them how much probate costs. Even if they have money, they don't like to spend it on lawyers so they are willing to set things up. You could make an appt with an estate attorney and let him speak to them privately. IN advance, you could explain his unfounded fears and ask them to help him find ways to settle his affairs without giving you full access while he is alive. His fears are real to him and it is better to act in a way that makes him feel comfortable.
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