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Most pet owners, myself included, feel towards their dog like they do their own children.  Sometimes even more so because a dog is totally reliant upon you, so it's like having a baby that never grows up.  It would kill your dad to lose that dog.

Moving in with you may not be the only answer.  Can he go into assisted living with the dog.  Maybe having socialization with others who are in the same stage of life as him would be comforting.  He would have others to talk to who have lost a spouse and are in the Fall of their lives.  Maybe a senior center that has a group that meets for coffee and walks their dogs.

I'm not sure I could handle moving in with someone who has three teenage sons.  He is not used to that kind of activity at this stage.  I know with covid going on, many options are not available, but you may have to think outside the box on this one.  Maybe find a place where you could hire another senior to come in and visit with him for several hours each day.  That might give him the incentive to pick himself up a bit  and have something to look forward to.  I have heard of a place called seniors helping seniors and I think they have folks you can hire to come in and visit with him and help do a few household chores as well.
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I would never give up my dog. I am 60, have a German Shepherd. We will go live in a tent on the riverbank before I would give him up. If you do not want to bring BOTH into your home, then perhaps hire home caregivers.
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Let him keep the dog and find a solution to the yapping. They have training devices or maybe one of the kids would be interested in training the dog. Is dog old too? Seems like 3 boys could tire that dog out so it sleeps and calms down. I am sure the dog living with an elder doesn't get much exercise.
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I don't want to repeat what everyone else has said and I don't want to bash you. I hate that your dad's health is failing and that he has lost his wife. That is two major losses and soon to lose the comfort of his home. His dog, friend and companion gives him PURPOSE..... Someone to feed, love, talk to, cuddle, sleep with and care for. This truly brings him happiness, maybe his only happiness.

I'm 70 and my 99 yr old mom with her "yappy" poodle moved in with me a year ago. Mom died in September. She loved that dog, he was her "friend." Totally gave her something to care for and have a purpose. Me on the other hand hated that dog. It would snap and lunge at my dog and cat. He was a barker. I would tell him to shut up and he would. Would also snap at me sometimes. Would get between me and my mom when I handed her pills, etc. Caused me lots of stress, lots. But she loved him. After she died he was rehomed.

Some people do not like animals in their home. I do. If wandering in your house is a problem, a child gate on your dad's door will fix that.

You are blessed to have 4 others in your home to help you. They can be a tremendous help.

In closing, just a thought....your children are watching you. Is Dad an inconvience you are just putting up with? Just be honest with yourself. Caregiving is hard. Probably the hardest thing I've ever done. Am I glad I did it....yes

Prayers
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Sounds like you have your lifestyle and dad has his, and they don't mix. Moving a parent in with you is hardly ever the best option, and you have many reasons why: your home is a bustle of activity and you don't want his dog. That dog is dad's main source of comfort in this world, and to think of taking dad without it is harsh! My mom's nursing home actually brings in dogs to enhance the lives of its residents, and those dogs light up everyone's spirit every time. Let dad age in place with his dog, and get aides to come in and help.
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If you could find in-home health care at least for the duration of the dog's life, your Dad would be able to stay in his own home complete with dog. In-home care might be a little more difficult or risky during COVID, but it seems worth doing some research about Home Health Care in your area.
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His dog means the world to him, many people consider their animal companion as family. Use white noise device to buffer some of the noise, and consider it a tremendous gift to your father in his last years not to endure the very painful loss of another family member. Perhaps you don’t view dogs as a family member and he clearly does, with 3 boys I imagine there’s already noise, - understand what the loss of his beloved companion could do to him, it’s adding in a risk factor for your dad. With your large home and 3 boys it’s not as if your in a studio apartment- if need be section off a roomy area where he and his dog can spend time together and use a white noise or sound canceling headphones - these last years he has left pls allow him that which means so much to him. We all want to feel like our loved ones will understand when there’s something that means a lot to us, seniors have already had loss - of function, of past lifestyle and loved ones, this is a loss that can be avoided for his sake, with all the noise and busyness of 3 boys will just be a little extra background noise
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A dog is a mans best friend. I would try to find a way for him to keep the dog. He probably will decline more if he has to give up his dog. Did your dad see a doctor for his depression? He might need an antidepressant. He is suffering and needs help. How about using ear plugs. We had a black lab for 15 years , loved him very much and I became allergic to him swollen eyes ands sneezing all the time, rather than moving out I got allergy shots, amazing it helped so much. The point I am trying to make is sometimes we need to make adjustments for the good of everyone. Your dad needs medical attention because of depression, his frailty and weakness before he falls and injures himself. Hope your dad feels better and gets the help he needs. The best to all of you.
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No indication how old this dog is. Smaller dogs tend to live a bit longer, but if the dog is already elderly, then perhaps hiring help for him in his own home would do for now. After the dog passes on, you could consider taking your father into your home. It sounds like he does need some oversight, to ensure he's eating and caring for himself properly. While it's great he has his doggie companion, more interaction with people would be good for him as well.

If he's willing to move, as long as the dog can come with him, perhaps IL or AL while the dog is still living? Many places will take animals.

While I love all animals, the incessant barking would drive me insane! I have many cats, and refer to having the "silent" alarm when someone shows up outside - they will often run to the window, alerting me if I didn't hear it. My daughter has a bunch (too many really) of mini-dachshunds and BOY can they bark! Just pulling up outside her house, oh my... bark bark bark from ALL of them! Going inside, you can't even hear yourself THINK!

Now, it could be that the dog barks a lot when you visit him, as you don't live together. If they moved in, there might be a transition period of barking, but it could be possible for the dog to get used to you and stop the barking (except when it thinks someone is outside or someone else visits?) A trial period of a few months might determine if that could work.

The other question is what does dad want? If he wants to remain in his home, does he have funds to hire assistance? If so, I would let him stay, provided he allows these people in and they can "boost" his current status (gain weight, eat sufficient amounts and properly care for himself.) Make a deal with him - he keeps the dog and stays home IF and ONLY if he allows the aides and works on getting healthier. You can also tell him he needs to care better for himself, so that HE will be there for the dog!
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Perhaps there is a medication that could calm the dog down enough to fit into your household. I think it would break your father’s heart and lead to decline to take his pet away from him. To him, that dog is all he has left.
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A few options that might work.
1.) dad can remain where he is and he can have help come in.
2.) place dad in Assisted Living that will accept a dog.
3.) move dad in and eventually the dog will settle down and get used to a new environment and be less inclined to bark.
I can almost bet that if you "force" dad to give up the dog he will decline faster than he is now.
If the dog is older there is a good chance that it will not get adopted and will either live out the rest of it's life in a kennel or will be put down.
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Oh, I feel for you. This sounds like a tough situation. You clearly love your Dad, but you're realistic about what life with a small, yappy dog will feel like. I get it, honest.

I can only echo what others have said here ... if you/your family really can't stand to live with the dog (and I don't judge this!), do everything you can to make it possible for your Dad to stay where he is. The connection animal-lovers feel to their cats and dogs is not a minor thing. It's not just companionship, but a genuine deep love and concern for them as creatures with needs and personalities and feelings of their own. A relationship with a beloved pet is very real, and the loss of the relationship can be devastating -- one can feel overwhelming grief, guilt, and loneliness, depending on the details. Also, if he owned the dog while your mother was alive, the dog is a living connection to his daily life with her. (Some of the hardest pet losses we've had here have been the eventual deaths of pets we inherited ... from my late mom, my late best friend, and so on.)

I went through this with my Dad, who in his later dementia years took up feeding every stray cat in his neighborhood, and ended up with kittens born in his garage that he took care of. (This is why I now have four cats that I inherited from him, plus another we inherited from a friend who passed away four years ago.) I moved heaven and earth to keep him in his home with his cats, as I was unable to find an affordable living facility that would allow him to keep them, and we already had three cats with territorial behavior problems here at the time, and couldn't bring them here. I hired visiting caretakers to go in every day, and I would lie awake at night worrying that the time would come when we would have to move him somewhere for round-the-clock monitored care ... because I felt sure in my bones that losing those cats would kill him.

Ultimately, my father passed away in his own home (in the presence of a visiting caretaker and a "housemate" we had recently found and brought in to live in his home around the clock). While I still mourn his death (now two years ago), I am so grateful that we ultimately did not have to separate him from his "friends."
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What you may not realize is that the dog will be more help than you think in caring for your father. It will distract, be a companion and calm him when agitated or hurting. That dog may well be your father’s LIFELINE. The dog will need a few weeks to adjust to the new situation, but one of your teen-agers can take care of the dog’s needs (a little money goes a long way here). After losing a dog, I found out in a hurry how important he was in caring for my wife with serious dementia. Took me 6 weeks to find a replacement and her laughter once again fills our home!
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Want Dad to live a depressed life? Separate him from his only friend. Take him and the dog and get one person in your self centered ??? family to take the dog for some training. It may prove to be an enlightening experience for all of you. Become friendly with people from the dog community and you may all experience a fulfilling life by meeting some good dog people. Best of luck
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disgustedtoo Nov 2020
Being a bit judgmental there ("...your self centered ??? family..."), eh?

Also, you can't always train barking out of dogs. My daughter does training, and all those doggie runs, even judges them, but you get to her house... let's just call it what it is... a bark box. On arrival, bark session. Enter, continue bark session. Say anything or make any noise, continue bark session. If they eventually shut up, any noise, even just talking, will set them off again. These are dogs of a TRAINER! I find (generalization coming, so don't jump on this!) smaller dogs tend to bark a lot more than larger dogs. They all bark, some more than others, but the little ones are sometimes just over the top!

Most dogs we ever had, growing up and later raising our own families, barked at certain times but not incessantly. I had 2 who sat quietly looking in the direction of where a neighbor's dogs (can't see them from the house) were barking. My 2 were silent. But, they would bark if they saw someone on the property. The last one I took in NEVER barked once. She was only about 5 months old and only with me for about 5 months. She was terrified of everything and everyone, I couldn't take her for walks, car rides, while in the small backyard (fenced area, bordered by woods) the sploot of snow from the roof or a car going by (house is well off the road) would send her to the door. Tried waiting it out. Nope. Taking her anywhere else, such as for training, she would literally shut down - curl up in a corner and not even interface with me.

I don't have enough time or space to write all the fears this dog had, but the fostering group took her back and it took THEM 6 months to get her to an adoptable state - these are dog people, who work with all kinds and know a thing or 2.

You don't know a whole lot about OP, the family, the dog, any of it, other than what was written. It is FINE to suggest maybe try some training, but that comment was really uncalled for. We are here to help and support one another, NOT to judge and berate others.
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Well, if you ever had a dog that meant anything to you, I assure you the love is 10X greater if you're a generation older. To you it's a yappy dog. To him she is his faithful companion he shares his heart with. If this dog was loved by his wife, all the more reason not to remove it from him, for to do so would be to rip him apart and tear away the memories of he and his wife with that dog, turning a fantastically wonderful source of positives in his life into a huge negative and heap two giants losses together onto his back. Do you love this man? Because you also call it a deal breaker. At such a time as this in his life. You only have this time in your lives to give up your own comforts to gain the rewards that would come to you from unconditional love.

You say you can put up with him, mostly. "We don't mind Dad (well mostly don't mind). Who could ever say such a thing about their children or about their parents. In my life I never even thought such a thing in their hours of need that I minded or didn't mind. What perspective is this? Was he a monster to grow up with? Was he not a good father? Did he do something egregious and not give all the care he could? This is the last chance you have to put yourself out due to love for your "Dad". After he's gone, you can do nothing for him. I would kill for the chance to have my parents back ... in ANY condition.

Yes, you want to break his heart. You said so. Even though you believe "it breaks Dad's heart to think of being without his dog" you said "the dog is a deal breaker". I don't want a daughter like you. I'm sorry but if my children talked like this about me, I would cut them all off and never speak to them again.

"What do I do with him" is your perspective. Poor you. It ought to be, "How can we resolve this?" I'll tell you how. You ought to love that little yappy dog with all your heart because of all the joy it brought to your mom and dad all the times YOU weren't there for them. Develop a heart. Quit thinking of yourself. Wow, if all the problems I had was a yappy dog, would you like to trade lives? Wow.
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You said it: ",,,but the dog is a deal breaker." Your dad needs his dog..,he depends on his dog emotionally and socially. Based on the decline you have described, it sounds like your Dad is lonely and is depressed. (I am not a clinician, just someone who has dealt with lots of seniors.) I moved my mother into an adult foster care with four other people two years ago. She had lots of terrific around-the-clock care from family before moving, but she did not have many connections with her peers. We children could not talk, reminisce, sing or joke about growing up in the Great Depression or World War II or the 1950s or 1960s eras. Mom has been flourishing living with people her age.

My teenage daughter has a deep connection with her Nana and they share many silly stories involving our pets. Pets are a great way to teach children responsibility, empathy, and love. It is easy to view an animal as a nuisance when you have no connection with it and it views you as an interloper. The dog does not know you are family and important to your Dad. Take some time and get to know the dog. Find out why your Dad loves it so much. Most animals respond well to pats, love, playtime and, especially, food.

Find a place that will take both your Dad and his dog...it could be your home or it could be a care home. Make sure you keep your Dad involved in all of the decisions because it is his life and he should have a choice on where he lives and with whom.
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RichCapableSon Nov 2020
"We children could not talk, reminisce, sing or joke about growing up in the Great Depression or World War II or the 1950s or 1960s eras. Mom has been flourishing living with people her age."

I find it hard to believe separating parents from the rest of the family causes them to flourish by putting them with other seniors also separated from their families.

Mom's gerontologist, her PCP, told me in 2004 that a hundred families were being given the message their dad or mom had 5 years left, and I was one of the hundred families hearing it. By 2009, your mom will be gone. That's just the way it is with memory conditions once they reach this stage. I heard it but didn't accept it. I didn't even bring it up to others due to knowing they would be saying I wasn't facing reality.

In 2009 I got a phone call to bring mom in. While nurses kept her busy, the doc and I had a private talk. Do you remember when I talked to you about your mom? You mean when you said she had 5 years left? You remember! Who could forget? Well, it's been five years and your mom's still alive. Yes, about 5 years. No, five years exactly! Exactly? Yes. Today? Yes. And all those hundred patients I told you about are all gone like I told you. All of them! Except your mom.

We went through all the records to see what the difference was. Mom's records? No, hers and all one hundred patients. When did you have time for that? Nights, weekends, holidays. Searching for what we did differently for her. We found no difference in what we did. None? Not one thing.

Then we began looking at your lives. Our lives? Yes. What you do, where you go, how you live your lives. You take your mother out every day to eat. Yes, I do. You go to Snoga's on Goliad. Yes. Shangila on Goliad. Yes. Bill Miller's BBQ. Yes. You take her to Neptunes, also. Yes. You know that? Yes. Every day you do this. And you take her to HEB at McCreless, and HEB across from Brooks City Base. Yes. You take her to Walmart at City Base. Yes, and also the one at Rigsby and 410. I let her drive the carts. She doesn't wreck or hit things or back into things and waits for people like driving a car. Yes, I know. You know she drives the electric carts? (Mom's 87.) Yes, I know that. You take her to church every Sunday. Yes. To all her doctor appointments. Yes. You take her to movies. Yes, we go out regularly to the movies at the Bijou with the General's wife almost every week. You answer her questions when she asks you. Yes. ALL her questions every time she asks you no matter how many times she asks you. Yes, I do. You know all that about us? Yes, I do. Did you hire a PI? He laughs and says, Well, I told you before, I have thousands of patients. Oh, and we're easy to spot. A middle aged man in a wheelchair and his elderly mom. They all have seen us out we go out so much. Yes. Oh, come to think of it, I've never seen anybody else out with their elderly parents with Alzheimer's, and certainly nobody else in a wheelchair. Yes, we were easy to spot.

He continued. You give your mom the meds I prescribe. Yes. On time. Yes. All day long as I said. Yes. You never miss a dose. Correct. Oh, you can tell from the pharmacy records. Yes. That's why we called you in today. Why I called you in. I wanted you to know the difference you have made in your mom's life. Because of you she is alive today and I can tell no difference in her today than 5 years ago when she was 82. I felt you needed to know this, that nobody else of the 100 patients had a son or daughter or relative like you, doing all these things with them, for them. You are the only one.

Mom lived another ten years after that. She died after APS attacked me over a false police report made against me by Buena Vida Nursing Home falsely claiming they had a video of me with my pants down doing something sexual. I hate APS forever. Buena Vida too. They gave mom 40MG oral solution morphine April 12, 2019 10:30PM then 12:45AM the 13th. Then filed against me on April 16, 2019.
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I should start by saying I am a dog lover. I have 2 dogs (and a cat). I also work from home. Very rarely do they "speak-up" when I'm on a call, but when they do, my colleagues and customers understand. This is 2020. Everyone understands a barking dog, cat jumping on the laptop, or child climbing on the lap during a zoom call. So don't let "working from home" stop you from taking in the dog. I bet it will take just a few days for the dog to settle in your home and schedule. It'll probably chill in a room with your father most of the day.

Your father is very attached to the dog. Imagine someone asking you to give up a kid. I know, to you, that can't possibly be the same thing, but to people who really love dogs, it is.

Something to think about, when your father passes or needs to move into nursing care, his beloved dog, who loved your father unconditionally will need someone to care for him/her. Would you want someone who loved your father as much as you do go to a stranger and not understand why the little pup is so forlorn or worse get put-down? Or would you rather get to know the little buddy now and have a pal to mourn with?
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And remember sunshine ur going to be in the same way one day. How you gonna feel when your kids or in-laws treat you like this??
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Sarah3 Nov 2020
Yep
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Imho, perhaps either a medication could be given to the canine or dad could move to facility living. Prayers sent.
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Sarah3 Nov 2020
A medication for what??
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Very cruel to even consider getting rid of his dog.
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One thing to consider that I don’t think anyone else has mentioned: How will you feel if you separate your dad from his dog? My sister lived in same city as our widowed mother. I lived half way across the country. When it came time for our mother with dementia to move into a home, my sister took her dog. It broke our mother’s heart as she had shared that dog with our dad. Due to changes in my sister’s life, she eventually gave the dog to the pound. I don’t know which made my sister feel worse. So if you don’t do your best for the dog, you may be haunted by guilt like my sister was.
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The way things are now, there’s a lot of change in people’s lives, especially with the pandemic. The older we get, the harder that change becomes. That little dog may be the only thing keeping him alive right now. Separating them may be the change that spirals him to deteriorate. You and your family are still young and adaptive. I commend you for wanting to help your father and take him in during such times. But learn from it all with an open mind. The teenagers (and I have 2), may come to love the dog. Take him to the groomer, buy treats for him, take the dog on short walks. Once you’re accepting of the pooch, the others may follow your lead. Most of all, your dad will see your willingness at genuine love and support not only for the dog he loves, but for him as well.
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Us old people love our pets more than ever before. They are our constant companions. We don't see people as often. I would live in a tent in the backyard with my cat if I had to rather than be without her. Of course she doesn't bark. There is a reason many elderly homes allow pets because they know how important they are to us. My cat makes me laugh every day because she is so silly. We take naps together. Holding her and feeling her purr lowers my blood pressure. I can prove it.
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NeedHelpWithMom Nov 2020
I am glad there are therapy pets who visit residents who wish to see animals. Animals are so sweet. All they want is our love.

If there is a behavior issue it’s a challenge though.
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Maybe if your dad moves in with the dog, family members could take turns walking her, to tucker her out a bit, so she won't bark as much. Maybe the vet would have some suggestions as to how to calm the pup.
My mom had Alzheimer's, and I even wrote a book about our experiences called, "My Mother Has Alzheimer's and My Dog Has Tapeworms: A Caregiver's Tale." My dog and mom were diagnosed with their respective health issues around the same time; hence, the title.
Our dog passed away a few months ago, and my husband said he wanted me to get my travel bug out of the way before we get another one, but with Covid-19, it might be a year or so before we could travel anywhere. Well, the other night, I saw him perusing dog pictures on the web from local shelters. Years ago, I had to see an allergist, because I was breaking out in hives. I asked my husband, "What if I'm allergic to Mickey, who was the dog whom we had at that time, and he said, "We'll miss you." (I know my place in the family hierarchy.) Mickey and his successor added to everyone's lives, some barking notwithstanding.
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He needs the dog, maybe the dog could stay in his room during the day? What about the garage or an outside area? He's been alone with the dog every day for years and taking that away from him would be cruel. You would be amazed how many elderly people list their animals as their reason for wanting live or get better from illness. He probably feels like a burden to you and the grandkids but the dog may make him feel like he has a purpose in taking care of it.
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I agree that sometimes a yappy dog can get annoying, however, prior to his moving in, you knew of his dog and most likely her yappy nature. While it is annoying and with homeschooling, you need to adjust as he has had to adjust to your mom passing away, moving in with his daughter, husband and grandchildren. We all need to make adjustments, even ones that are not the most convenient or happy situation making. If you take your Dad's dog away from him, I feel that this will lead to his demise. He has has this dog for some time and in some ways this dog reminds him of happier times, maybe if your mom had her on her lap and was petting her, or maybe they played ball with her together, there is more behind his need for the dog and it is a very important part of his life, just as he is important in yours. It is not going to be an easy road, but you have to look at the big picture, not just your inconvenience.
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Hire a local dog trainer to come to the home prior to moving him in and then as he moves in. They can help all transition peacefully and quietly and well worth the money and peace of mind for all. Yes dogs can be trained to not bark and many other things you are not even aware of when they move in can be addressed and make the move a great thing for all.
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