My 82 year old father is declining quickly. Since my mother passed of Alzheimers 4 years ago he's been down and depressed and failed to take care of himself. He's lost a ton of weight, hardly eats, never leaves the house and sleeps most of the day. He has severe arthritis pain and neuropathy (non diabetic) in his legs and feet, so mobility is a big problem. I've got to do something for him, he's just fading away and gets worse every week.

I'd like to move him in with me, my husband and 3 teen sons. We have a big enough house to do so and the finances to do so. But dad has a small yappy dog and with COVID my husband and I and our boys are all working and doing school at home. We just don't want the dog and all the noise she makes while we're home all day! We don't mind Dad (well mostly don't mind) but the dog is a deal breaker. But it breaks Dad's heart to think of being without his dog. He's adamant about not wanting to be without her and would rather live on his own with the dog than live with us without the dog. He can barely stand up on his own he's gotten so weak. He's about in tears on the floor because of weakness and frailty, but will not budge.

Oh my goodness, what do I do with him? Advice anyone? (btw, I haven't been on this site in years, but when I was caring for my mother with Alzheimers this site was my LIFELINE!. I couldn't have made it through that time without the support from all of you I had during that time).

The "mostly don't mind" bit about moving him in is what you should be focusing on instead of the dog issue. If there is even the slightest fraction of a doubt, don't move him in. Who is going to care for him when you all return to work, or when you're working from home. His health issues will get worse, not better. Would likely be better to find an AL that allows dogs than move him in. Two birds with one stone and all.
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Reply to ZippyZee

Dad and dog need to stay together. You said he is already depressed, losing his companion will only make that worse. If it won't work at your house, then I agree with finding him a place that will allow little yapper to be with him.

Is it possible this dog only becomes noisy when others are around but is quiet when it is only your dad? If dad can have his own private quarters and the dog won't be seeing anyone else throughout the day, then having dad with you might be doable.

My cousins had chihuahuas. They were the nastiest things when other people were around but quiet and devoted to their family when no one else was there.
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Reply to graygrammie

Does your Dad have the assets to move into assisted living if he sells his home? His little dog could go with him. You already are not overly thrilled about his moving in; trust me, if that's the start point it will not end well. I am somewhat in Dad's corner and would rather be at risk and alone with my little dog, take my chances, than move in where not wholeheartedly welcomed and having to give up my companion. Just how I feel. My partner is 80 and I 78. All our lives together we have had dogs, volunteered with dogs, trained dogs, fostered dogs, and etc. We have not replaced our last little senior dog; don't want our families to have to deal with but one more thing--what to do with the dog. Happily our new tenant has a sweet little dog who is a constant visitor. I think try to find some other way to keep Dad safe.
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Reply to AlvaDeer

I’m 83, still doing relatively well, & have let my family know that the one thing I will NOT do without is my 2 small dogs. They are all I really have;I LIVE with them!
Take them away and just bring me the pill that ends it all. I’m quite serious. I are about them most of all!
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Reply to annemculver

That would be so cruel to take his dog away.
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Reply to Suetillman

Move him into independent living or assisted living where he can have a dog. Done and done.
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Reply to kibooki

Dont move your Dad in with you, if he can't have his beloved furry companion!

It might make you feel better to have your Dad in your home do you can keep an eye on him but you would not be doing him any favors!

That furry friend of your Dad's, is probably the only thing giving him the Will to Live.

Put yourself in his shoes and think about what you're asking of him, to move out of his home and leave his loved one behind...unthinkable and just wrong.

If you won't take the dog along, don't take your Dad.

I know you already know this deep inside and pray you do the right thing.

You can always have a Caregiver drop by a couple hrs a day.

Also, stock his refrigerator and pantry with EASY stuff to eat.

Frozen things that you only have to heat in the microwave like Breakfast Biscuits with cheese, egg and meat. Waffles, Individual Instant Oatmeal packets, individual Yogurts, individual Applesauce.

Buy frozen meals to heat in microwave so he doesn't have to cook on stoves.

Soups, Chili, ect

Buy plenty of Soft Breakfast Bars and Little Debbie Snacks like Mini Brownies ect check for the ones with the most protein..
Cheese Crackers, Peanut Butter Crackers.

Keep plenty of Milk to drink and only buy the half gal if milk so it isn't so heavy.

Plenty of juice to drink individual or Quart size to make it easier to handle.

Just Think Easy as if it is a child fixing his food.

If it's not easy to fix, he won't eat.

Again....Please Don't separate your Dad from his friend and companion. You would be signing his death warrant and you would never forgive yourself.

Your Dad has already made known to you his wishes.

Let him live the rest of his life in peace, his peace not yours.
Helpful Answer (13)
Reply to bevthegreat

Okay - what about a dog daycare for the hours you are working? Unless the dog is very old and frail. I had a very active dog that needed to run and I would bring him to daycare when I worked. He would come home tired and happy. The daycare had five acres and a pool and other dogs to run around with. The daycare will also give lunch and medications if needed. If the dog doesn’t want to socialize then they would get one on one walks.

My dogs have been my best and most loving and loyal friends at times. So I’m a little biased! Even if your dad stays home or goes into a facility the dog will still need care and attention that he cannot give. Your dad has had a lot of loss, the dog is just one more loss he cannot manage right now.
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Reply to Mepowers

Let him keep his dog.
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Reply to Stilltired

To many of us "dog lovers", dogs are like family members. They are always glad to see us when we return home, even it doesn't matter if it's only been 10 minutes or 10 hours. They sense when we are down or just feel bad. Dogs never let us down, yes they can have accidents. They can get on our nerves when they bark but if dad says it's a deal breaker he means it.

I have had a dog or 3 most of the time since I was about 8 years old. My 17 Y/O son who is learning disabled has one of his 2 dogs at his side any time he can. His school (for learning disabled has 2 service dogs and allows kids with service dogs to bring them to school with them. I have told my son that when one of his current dogs passes we will get him a certified service dog.

To many of us dogs are an important part of life. They remind us how we should love and care for each other.
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Reply to garylee

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