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I was thinking if there were others in the same area that were taking care of their parent or parents it would be interesting to match similar situations and perhaps the caregiver could have their parent stay with another caregiver while they shop and they could trade off. I know it is difficult to get the parent out of the home environment, but it might be worth a try. It could be beneficial in providing some friendship for the parent that they might otherwise not have. This might not work well for severe dementia patients, but for just elderly with slight dementia it might work.

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Activities are planned at the adult day care center my husband attends but if people don't want to participate, they don't have to. If people fall asleep, they are gently awakened to see if they can be engaged but non-one is ever "badgered" into participating. Activities include having musicians come in to perform songs (usually "oldies" that the participants are likely to know), chair exercises, dancing and pet therapy. Not everyone participates and I have noticed that there are one or two people at the program there who are actually non-verbal, although I suspect they weren't that way when they started but were not made to leave the program after their condition deteriorated. Some participants are incontinent, although not most. The staff is wonderful. Breakfast, lunch and a snack are served family style and transportation to and from our home is provided via ambulette. Before enrolling someone in an adult day care program, you should go and observe for a while and ask any questions and/or concerns you might have. The participant is usually then given a trail session to see whether it is likely that your family member will work out there. My husband and visited another program which we didn't like at all before we found the one he attends now. It is worth doing some research.
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When I was working I had CNAs come to the house 10 hours a day. I was the caregiver in the evenings and weekends. Just recently retired and became 24/7 and it works but I also signed my husband up for Day Care 2-3 times a week and for 2 hours when I attend the support group. What a blessing to have this available and my husband seems to love the socialization but mostly he sleeps. In case of emergency I would be called so as long as I am only a call away, all is good and I know he is well taken care of. Day Care is much cheaper than in home care (CNAs) which are also non-medical. Some Day Cares are on a sliding scale so you money is an issue, you may want to check into this. My husband has Parkinson's and in the later stages of dementia. He can still walk but slowly and doesn't communicate well but the day care provides breakfast, lunch and snacks and they help him to eat which he needs help with. Good luck and I hope something like this is available for you.
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My mother has gone from mild to moderate stage since my father passed, she does very well with the daycare. Confused people like being around other confused people. The staff at the daycare are really good with getting them adjusted. My mother actually said she feels as if she has a new life.. They give them things to do that they can suceed at. Which in turn boosts their self esteem. My mom starts a new daycare on Monday which will be a challenge.. She has been in a nursing home for medical reasons. This daycare is part of a memory center and we are hoping to transition her to living there eventually.. It takes a little time for them to get adjusted.. I feel completely at ease when she is in a daycare because the staff is trained on dementia. Unlike alot of nursing homes..
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I honestly think Day Care is the perfect solution to being sure your husband/parent is well taken care of when you need to have time for yourself or run errands. They can participate as much as they want and they are encouraged to participate but never forced or badgered into anything. My husband sleeps a lot but that is ok. The staff calls him snuggles and they are so good to him. On Thursdays they have live music and the staff dances with those who want to get up and dance. My husband loves music and if encouraged, he will get up and dance. Then there are times, he only wants to listen so it is up to him.
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My suggestion would be to consult your local aging services agency to see if a structure already exists to provide just what you describe. If you are thinking of hosting such a group in your home, you might want to explore the legal aspects of doing so.
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My husband attends an adult day care program a few times a week while I work part-time. He much prefers this to having a home health aide here in the house. Day care programs can have the "social model" which does not provide any medical services and is much less expensive, or the "medical model", which is much more expensive, where services such as PT can be provided and there is nursing oversight.
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Mom wants to go out to lunch with family or friends. She has no interest in new social groups and seems stressed by unfamiliar faces and places. She has a life alert necklace, but will NEVER push the button. She calls us, we call 911. She signed a DNR, but keeps it hidden. She has a nurse twice a week, but insists " I don't need those people". Best of Luck to you.
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I love your idea of sharing time with those in similar situation. I associate adult day care with folks who are quite old, and am afraid my dad in his early 80s would feel these were old folks. He sees himself as just needing to get in shape again to be young, he has shunted NPH. He thrives in social situations where others are conversing and he can do social chit chat, not deep conversations, and he can observe without feeling like an eavesdropper or outsider. The danger is he can take over a conversation and not let anyone else speak - I think he does it when he is feels he might not be able to hold up a 2-sided conversation. He did not develop any deep friendships with anyone who is still living or lives nearby. Does anyone have any experience where adult day care worked for someone who was not in mild dementia but just was frail and probably shouldn't be left alone for that reason alone. Would love to hear from you....
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I think we have all wished our parents could have some socialization in their lives, my mother however refuses to leave the house and even argues if you take her to the doctor. The only place she will go freely is the cemetery to place flowers on her family's graves.

I think you do have to think about the legal and financial ramifications should anyone become injured or die in your home. Is a good idea but the caretakers may need to stay with them, rather than leave.
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Adult day care is not just for people who are really elderly. The people in my husband's adult day care program range in age from their late 50s up to 90, although most are in their 60s and 70s. The age isn't the issue but the needs of the individuals in the group. I don't know what I would do if I wasn't able to send my husband to this program.
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