She's 84 years old, used to live alone prior to hospitalization 3 months ago. Used to love to read, do crosswords, play solitaire. Dementia is mild to moderate depending on the day.
My mother used to enjoy adult coloring books, doing puzzles with larger pieces, simple arts and crafts, and those sewing/lacing cards like some shown here:
The adult day care is a great solution. Is she still able to do the reading, crosswords, etc.? Probably not so much with mild/moderate dementia. My mom is in the category too and can play some simple card games with prompting.
Are you able to keep her active? Does she have PT? I have an aide that comes in and does exercises with mom, makes her breakfast and cleans up, makes sure she showers, helps her with her laundry, and plays games with her.
Maybe folding towels, socks, even if you have ones that she folds over and over, thrift stores are a great resource for these. Running a vacuum or sweeper? Maybe buy plastic dishes and cups from the dollar store that she can wash and dry?
I would also check with the daycare and see if they have any programs where seniors are calling each other for wellness checks and friendship, or if they know of any such programs.
Finding simple, purposeful activities can help her in many ways.
Best of luck finding your path through this awful disease.
Thank you for the simple suggestions - she always asks if she can help me and I tend to say no... I'm going to start l separating the washcloths and hand towels from the laundry, for her to fold.
The answer to "I am bored" is "Are you? I'm sorry. What can you think of that might help that????" It she says "Nothing" say "Oh, I am so sorry; not everything has a good answer, does it?" Stop picking up the luggage Mom sets down. I totally agree with ITRR; women especially love to feel useful. A stack of washclothes used to keep the elders endlessly entertained when I was a nurse and some few who were confused were out in a tabled chair. My blind aunt used to love to iron of all things, if you can imagine; said the smell of the linens reminded her of good times, washing, ironing when she was a young Mom.
In addition to folding towels how about *Pairing socks. *Emptying the small garbage can in the bathrooms into the larger one in the kitchen. *Do you have a stack of recipes that you have cut out, written out, printed out? *Get some sheet protector sleeves and a 3 ring binder. She can slip the recipes into the plastic sleeve and into the binder. *How about a stack of bills and papers that need to be run through the shredder? *That would give her a bit to do particularly if your shredder takes just a few pages at a time. *Helping at dinner time: washing veggies, peeling veggies, setting the table, filling water glasses or a pitcher with iced water or tea....After dinner clearing the table, filling dishwasher or washing dishes (if it is safe for her to do so.) Putting dishes away, again if it is safe. The important thing is do not give her a task if you are obsessive about how it is done as that will make more work for you. Realize that getting something done is sometimes more important than how it looks. (I asked my Husband once, and this was before he was diagnosed with dementia, why he did no t put towels away and he told me that he did not know how I folded them so he did not want to mess it up. I told him he could fold them any way he wanted as long as they fit in the closet where we kept them.) For as long as you can, and she can try to make things as easy for you, and her as possible.
This is 100% dependent on the level of your Mom’s dementia and how much she takes to technology, but I got my Mom a Kindle tablet a few years ago and it was the best thing I ever did. Her mind was still sharp which of course helped, but she hadn’t really been one to use technology other than simple word processing for letters. She took to it really well, and I would put books on there for her to read, and also apps for crosswords, jigsaw puzzles and solitaire. She always had to make sure she did her daily challenge! Like I said, totally depends on her, but you know her best. (Can always try her with an iPad or something that you may already have to see how she might do with it.) I had my doubts in the beginning and my husband talked me into it and it was great.
My Mother, 102, has dementia and vision problems among other things. She is homebound so I try hard to find things she can do. One thing is I go to a craft store and buy unpainted wood items...picture frames, bird houses...very inexpensive.. and some acrylic paint and we paint them. She loves it...feels like she is doing something. We then give them away. I also used to bring a pile of plastic bags from the supermarket (they no longer give them) and let her fold them into neat piles. I let her cut up junk mail..unnecessary but an activity. I have asked her home health aides to play simple games with her...tic tac toe etc. but they cannot seem to be bothered which is sad.
My mom does "find-a-word" obsessively, reads and she loves coloring. Sometimes we hang up a particularly good coloring page on the fridge as the "art of the week." I also went to a craft store and we try (not always successfully) to make Sunday afternoons "craft day." This also includes sometimes making cookies and having her add the chocolate chips or lay them on the pan. She helps me shred my late husbands papers (boxes and boxes) we have to go through and I bought her a box of greeting cards that she can send to anyone she wishes to cheer them up. We also have "movie night" on Friday nights and a special treat while we do that. It's nothing particularly exciting, but she seems to look forward at least to these small things. She wants to help around the house so sometimes she'll fold towels for me or other small doable tasks. Perhaps the day care will come up with some suggestions or something will carry over from there as well? Best wishes . . . .
My mom will be 90 this year. She used to do all those things also. I started last year doing jigsaw puzzles with her. Actually I like them also. Her dementia is so bad now I can take out an old one and she doesn’t remember doing it before. We started with 750 pieces, then 500 pieces. Now I have bought some at 300 pieces. We alternate the 300 and 500. She doesn’t even like to watch TV any more. I don’t think she can keep up with the plots of the show. I don’t know if this would interest you, but it’s been something we like, and can do together.
Yeah, saying one thing and then doing an about face, is so frustrating for the caregiver. You want so badly to make the person happy, but they sure don’t make it easy!
There are many brain exercises free on youtube. Go to YouTube.com and search brain exercises. Many of them are “hand or finger movement” so they can be done sitting in a chair. These exercises are supposedly good to keep the different pathways in your brain active. My husband does them. He had moderate dementia. He needs to be prompted to get going. He can’t remember how to login his computer or get to the YouTube library I set up for him. But once I get him there, he seems to enjoy the exercises.
If your mom is still able to stand, there are also very basic Tai Chi exercises and stretching, and balance exercises all geared towards elderly dementia patients. You’ll need to search on YouTube and then preview the videos to make sure they are what you want for your mom. Then just save the ones you like to a library, and you won’t have to search for them each time. If you need specific links, let me know and I can give you a couple.
Also, online theres two very good apps for brain exercises and games. BrainHQ and Luminosity. Both have free versions or if you want a better selection of games, both have pay versions. The pay versions have lots and lots of games and each game has different levels from beginner to advanced.
My mom is 96 and has macular degeneration, so she is virtually blind. She has a Kindle Fire 10 that has Alexa built in, so I find books for her and send them to her Amazon account, and Alexa reads to her. She calls me on her iPhone, which is also voice -activated, to ask the title of the next book, and she verbally tells Alexa to read it. This may not work for those with dementia, but it’s an idea.
Your post implies your mother lives with you now. Depending on her ability, helping fold laundry, wash vegetables, wash or put away dishes, etc sound like possibilies. Is she able to vacuum or sweep, dust, make beds, water plants? Not that you want her to feel like a maid! Is she able to sew, even by hand? Are there any churches or organizations near you that need volunteers to sew up simple items? Our church had volunteers at home sew up pre-cut "book bags" for a project supporting a rural school in Africa. I sewed up some of the bags myself--great fun, very theraputic, and a feeling of contributing something. Churches and Seniors Organizations may also have groups that meet to make greeting cards, simple crafts, or quilts.
Up her adult day care to three days a week if you can. Also find out if there's a senior center near you and if they have anything going on. Depending on her level of independence, give her work to do. Folding laundry, doing dishes, helping prep meals, etc...
Maybe she could listen to audiobooks. Also, several years ago, I read about a company that would make jigsaw puzzles out of photos. If they’re still in existence, (Google would probably help in this regard), you could send in a photo of family members, friends, a vacation, etc., and then doing the puzzle could reinforce memory as well as the tactical skills involved with doing a puzzle. When my mom lived with us, when she had Alzheimer's, she was very active, and walking seemd to help her, as well as help her sleep at night, so if your mom is able, I'd suggest taking a walk with her, and if she's not too mobile, I think even getting out in the fresh air helps. You could take pictures of nature, and then make a collage out of them, if you like.
I leave jewelry boxes of old jewelry, or a purse with items and money. The kind of things in dramatic play areas of a kindergarten, things she can discover - things that she can organize.
Hard to answer not knowing her. When I worked in nursing homes I would assess their interests from the past and take clues from this. Sometimes it’s possible to take a part of a previous interest, refine it and put it in a more user friendly form. Most of my patients liked to play dominoes. Some would keep score by adding numbers and others would at least match the number and color of the dominoes. There are evidence based frontal lobe exercises that you can research. Using old photos to pick up narratives that can be told and retold can give pleasure and a sense of integrity to her life. If she has a spiritual practice or community visits from the church members or clergy may help. Music that she likes might help. Get her outside in nature as much as possible. The energy in nursing homes leaves much to be desired. Boredom can also be a spiritual condition, meaning that the center of the person’s psyche isn’t holding. Do the best you can but don’t expect perfection. A little hint for your self-care. Mark
Keep providing the things she used to enjoy. If crosswords become too hard, buy a few of the word search puzzles. A lap board for solitaire makes it easy to play any time she wants if the cards are near by to prompt her (cover a piece of plywood with felt - keeps cards from sliding around. See if she can do picture puzzles - start w/the kid size pieces and move on up to 500 or 1000 pieces if she can manage them. The adult day care is great - engages her with others her age and in activities.
I recently had a HUGE WIN with my sister. I ordered three Vogue coloring books and a roll of 72 colored pencils with sharpener and eraser. She has been depressed and non-stop crying for months. These coloring books are from Vogue fashion magazines from the mid-century. She loves them! They are adult, not too detailed, and appeal to her sense of style. Her only issue was that the colored pencils aren’t vibrant enough, so maybe markers or pastels work better. I got these on Amazon. There are some coloring books that are aimed at people with dementia as say so on the cover. So unnecessary and possible humiliating. These Vogue coloring books don’t say anything about dementia and were recommended by Seattle’s Creative Dementia Collective.
I gave my mom an old iPad, and we download YouTube. I have YouTube premium so it skips all the ads. You can put it on auto play so it will load the next video right after the other. She loves to watch history, archaeology and such as anything about Egypt. There are so many channels on YouTube. She’s not tec savvy at all but this tends to work.
Amazon Alexa is great, she can talk and ask questions, weather, news etc. Most of all she can ask Alexa to play whatever music and singing artists she likes best. Music just soothes the old timers and brings them back to happy days. Old movies on TV like AMC (American Movie Classics). Scratch off lotto tickets like word finds & bingo keep them busy for quite awhile, and will delight her if she wins. Also Word Find books you can get at the Dollar Store. Simple card games like rummy. Being outdoors is wonderful, even if it's just sitting and people watching or listening to nature sounds.
It depends a lot on her. If she is tech-savvy, use anything to get her busy. My mother is not. I even brought her a card table and puzzles - something that she used to enjoy. At AL, she won't do them. She packed up what I left her. She never joins people making puzzles in the common areas either. They are very friendly, but she doesn't engage.
I had her going to Adult Day Care before. I think she needs LESS autonomy. Unfortunately, that is only offered in memory care which she isn't ready for yet.
My mom talks a good game to others claiming she "thinks positive" and wants to do activities. She tells me how bored she is and that "no one comes to activities" at her AL. I've learned that plenty of people attend. I've signed her up for outings only to find she cancels. It's her, not the programs.
I have read that dementia will magnify a person's real personality. She is a loner. Always has been. She claims to want to meet people. The reality is she wants others to come to find her and to take her places or attend activities SHE likes together. She's not a fun friend. I wouldn't hang out with her!
Since she has dementia, cannot drive, and calls regularly forgetting conversations from only a few minutes earlier, I can only remind myself that she's in a safe place with skilled people who will care for her.
I have let go of the guilt I had earlier in our move.
My mom was a real book worm before her dementia worsened. She still enjoys reading, so instead of novels and non fiction books, we switched to short stories, Guidepost, Chicken Soup for the Soul type books. That seems to satisfy her desire to read and are short enough to maintain her attention.
My Sweetheart is also 84. He really likes Dot-to-Dot. Also coloring (sometimes using markers, sometimes colored pencils, sometimes Crayons). I've also bought him sticker books. All available on Amazon. I have a box of stars, different colors and sizes which I ask him to put in groups either by color or size. He can also put away most of the dishes and silver ware from the dishwasher. The important thing to remember is that there is NO wrong way of doing things. As long as she is happy!
https://www.seniorlink.com/blog/activities-for-dementia-patients-50-tips-and-ideas-to-keep-patients-with-dementia-engaged
And here is another set of ideas directly from the ALZ.org website:
https://www.alz.org/help-support/resources/kids-teens/50-activities
My mother used to enjoy adult coloring books, doing puzzles with larger pieces, simple arts and crafts, and those sewing/lacing cards like some shown here:
https://www.amazon.com/s?k=sewing+cards+for+adults+with+dementia&crid=2KDMPNB00O3RM&sprefix=sewing+cards+%2Caps%2C473&ref=nb_sb_ss_ts-doa-p_7_13
Best of luck!
Are you able to keep her active? Does she have PT? I have an aide that comes in and does exercises with mom, makes her breakfast and cleans up, makes sure she showers, helps her with her laundry, and plays games with her.
Good luck!
Maybe folding towels, socks, even if you have ones that she folds over and over, thrift stores are a great resource for these. Running a vacuum or sweeper? Maybe buy plastic dishes and cups from the dollar store that she can wash and dry?
I would also check with the daycare and see if they have any programs where seniors are calling each other for wellness checks and friendship, or if they know of any such programs.
Finding simple, purposeful activities can help her in many ways.
Best of luck finding your path through this awful disease.
separating the washcloths and hand towels from the laundry, for her to fold.
Stop picking up the luggage Mom sets down.
I totally agree with ITRR; women especially love to feel useful. A stack of washclothes used to keep the elders endlessly entertained when I was a nurse and some few who were confused were out in a tabled chair. My blind aunt used to love to iron of all things, if you can imagine; said the smell of the linens reminded her of good times, washing, ironing when she was a young Mom.
*Pairing socks.
*Emptying the small garbage can in the bathrooms into the larger one in the kitchen.
*Do you have a stack of recipes that you have cut out, written out, printed out? *Get some sheet protector sleeves and a 3 ring binder. She can slip the recipes into the plastic sleeve and into the binder.
*How about a stack of bills and papers that need to be run through the shredder? *That would give her a bit to do particularly if your shredder takes just a few pages at a time.
*Helping at dinner time:
washing veggies, peeling veggies, setting the table, filling water glasses or a pitcher with iced water or tea....After dinner clearing the table, filling dishwasher or washing dishes (if it is safe for her to do so.)
Putting dishes away, again if it is safe.
The important thing is do not give her a task if you are obsessive about how it is done as that will make more work for you. Realize that getting something done is sometimes more important than how it looks.
(I asked my Husband once, and this was before he was diagnosed with dementia, why he did no t put towels away and he told me that he did not know how I folded them so he did not want to mess it up. I told him he could fold them any way he wanted as long as they fit in the closet where we kept them.)
For as long as you can, and she can try to make things as easy for you, and her as possible.
Like I said, totally depends on her, but you know her best. (Can always try her with an iPad or something that you may already have to see how she might do with it.) I had my doubts in the beginning and my husband talked me into it and it was great.
I don’t know if this would interest you, but it’s been something we like, and can do together.
If you are not letting her participate in day to day chores you are not helping her.
What she did before dementia has no bearing on what she will do today or tomorrow, and you do not need to be her activities director.
Let her contribute, stop focusing on her being bored, you are worrying about a non issue.
There are many brain exercises free on youtube. Go to YouTube.com and search brain exercises. Many of them are “hand or finger movement” so they can be done sitting in a chair. These exercises are supposedly good to keep the different pathways in your brain active. My husband does them. He had moderate dementia. He needs to be prompted to get going. He can’t remember how to login his computer or get to the YouTube library I set up for him. But once I get him there, he seems to enjoy the exercises.
If your mom is still able to stand, there are also very basic Tai Chi exercises and stretching, and balance exercises all geared towards elderly dementia patients. You’ll need to search on YouTube and then preview the videos to make sure they are what you want for your mom. Then just save the ones you like to a library, and you won’t have to search for them each time. If you need specific links, let me know and I can give you a couple.
Also, online theres two very good apps for brain exercises and games. BrainHQ and Luminosity. Both have free versions or if you want a better selection of games, both have pay versions. The pay versions have lots and lots of games and each game has different levels from beginner to advanced.
Is she able to sew, even by hand? Are there any churches or organizations near you that need volunteers to sew up simple items? Our church had volunteers at home sew up pre-cut "book bags" for a project supporting a rural school in Africa. I sewed up some of the bags myself--great fun, very theraputic, and a feeling of contributing something. Churches and Seniors Organizations may also have groups that meet to make greeting cards, simple crafts, or quilts.
available on Amazon, B&B and your local bookstore.
Depending on her level of independence, give her work to do.
Folding laundry, doing dishes, helping prep meals, etc...
Do the best you can but don’t expect perfection. A little hint for your self-care.
Mark
I got these on Amazon. There are some coloring books that are aimed at people with dementia as say so on the cover. So unnecessary and possible humiliating. These Vogue coloring books don’t say anything about dementia and were recommended by Seattle’s Creative Dementia Collective.
I had her going to Adult Day Care before. I think she needs LESS autonomy. Unfortunately, that is only offered in memory care which she isn't ready for yet.
My mom talks a good game to others claiming she "thinks positive" and wants to do activities. She tells me how bored she is and that "no one comes to activities" at her AL. I've learned that plenty of people attend. I've signed her up for outings only to find she cancels. It's her, not the programs.
I have read that dementia will magnify a person's real personality. She is a loner. Always has been. She claims to want to meet people. The reality is she wants others to come to find her and to take her places or attend activities SHE likes together. She's not a fun friend. I wouldn't hang out with her!
Since she has dementia, cannot drive, and calls regularly forgetting conversations from only a few minutes earlier, I can only remind myself that she's in a safe place with skilled people who will care for her.
I have let go of the guilt I had earlier in our move.