She's still alive but in her mid nineties so I worry every time the phone rings with a certain prefix. I'll try to shorthand my situation: I was the scapegoat of the children with my older siblings her golden children, especially my sister who looks like her (unlike me) and was a housewife and mother (unlike me - in large part due to my mother sabotaging my efforts to do the same).
I was also the person who did everything for my mother starting in youth (she used me as her human shield against my father's blows.
I was her emotional support starting at age 12 when my father left to be with his mistress - my mother shared the gory details only with me making sure to threaten me with going to live with them if I wasn't there for her as she wanted.
I alone helped her with all (funeral etc) when my father died when I was 19, I helped her financially and generously - over helping myself and even as I was poor - over my lifetime.
I abandoned my life whenever she was dumped as the golden children got their lives together on holidays, her birthday, her surgery aftercare, and lastly her downsizing. (You can read some horrible tales when I did the two years of that.).
She was never there for me in any of my life travails, including hospitalizations, etc.
After all that when I, thanks to this forum and the internet teaching me to live my life, refused to be her free slave/caretaker any longer at age 62, she disinherited me from her will and removed me from being her executor etc. She didn't tell me these things though I suspected them from my sister's actions. When I asked both of them, they lied to me. I finally turned to her lawyer (an evil pig she paid to redo her will 6 times in a few years whenever things didn't go as she wanted), who emailed back with only: " you have no more responsibilities."
This spring my sister and her husband (multimillionaires many times over and greedy pigs) put the down payment on a condo in D.C. where they live. Then they moved my 94 year old mother who uses a walker for everything into it having her pay the mortgage payment and the $1,100 a month HOA to cover the pool, tennis court and gym my brother in law uses. My mother is fine with this, while she spent years guilting me for any small thing she did or gave me - which were rare to put it mildly. My mother is entirely dependent on them as she cannot go anywhere. They're not the caretaking types and use their wealth to have her food delivered. But my mother is in heaven as she's by her darlings now.
I made a final try to end our relationship on a good note, but have been met with a continuation of the emails she's sent me for years accusing me falsely of horrible things and putting me down.
My life is a bit of a shambles from all and I have health and financial concerns.
So if you survived reading all this - go or not go when she dies, assuming she predeceases me, which is not a given? (Sorry for any typos, I can't bear to proof read this, hence my thanks if you suffered through it.)