I received a letter from the Department of Family Services saying that we "abused, neglected and abandoned" my elderly mother and they want to talk to us. What do I do now?

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I received a letter from the Department of Family Services saying that we "abused, neglected and abandoned" my elderly mother and they want to talk to us. What do I do now?

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We brought my 90 year old mother to live with us 2 years ago. She was abusive toward my children, pets, threatened to burn down the house if we didn't do everything she said and threatened that she'd "get us back" if we ever put her into a nursing home. After she threatened to hit me, her daughter with her fist, and threw her walker at me, we got her into a nursing home in the Alzheimers ward. The stress and strain of caring for an angry, bitter, vindictive old woman was too much for me and my family. Today I received a letter from the Department of Family Services that we "abused, neglected and abandoned her" and they want to talk to us. What do I do now?

Elder Abuse

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Get an advocate or an attorney. Document her behaviors as best you can (did others witness these outbursts, did her doctor evaluate her?)
These investigations usually "out" the truth. If she has been diagnosed with Alz. it should be obvious that she is not in control of her mental faculties.
I hope the Dept of FS can see the writing on the wall - but be armed with as much documentation and as many witnesses as possible - and I would not go into a meeting of this sort without an advocate.
good luck

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And Please, Please contact an eldercare professional, someone who has surely been exposed to this type of situation before and has the credability to present your side of things to authorities who might not be aware of how common, and how very difficult, this type of thing is.

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Get thee to an attorney's office. This could be serious and you need to nip it in the bud.

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Definitely get legal help. The fact that your mother is in and Alzheimers ward should tell Family Services something about her state of mind. When you had her put in the nursing home, did you tell anyone there about your mother's threats and the whole scene that you wrote about? There is enough grounds there alone for her to have been committed for a complete physicological and psychological evaluation for she was clearly a danger to others in that situation.

Get some legal help, stick to the facts, and try to not let them see you swet.

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You could start with the state dept. of aging and see who could explain your rights and the investigation process. You could also call the nurse or social worker at the doctor's office for info. A lawyer can advocate for a price. If you have no money, try the Legal Aid office in your community. Hope that this helps,

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Talking to you about a complaint that was made and actually accusing you of something is two different things,if a complaint has been made towards you for no basis,a simple explanation is all they need.They have to follow up on all complaints, justified or not. They are government workers.If there is no basis for their complaint,just chill out and talk rationally to the people,if they come after you,then get the lawyer.Remember anyone can report anybody at anytime,but they have to follow up,thats their job and they can get reported if they do not.

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Not to blow this out of proportion, But I'm reminded of the news account of the single young man whose life was devoted to caregiving for his two 90 year old parents. In order to run his errands, he would leave his parents at the local diner where they were all well known and kept watch over by the owner and staff. Unfortunately, one day dad wandered off and mom went back to the hot car alone. I believe it was dad who died that day, and the son was arrested for his murder by authorities not up to speed on the difficulties and complexities of what we do everyday.

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get evidence that she is mentally ill and that she menaced you with lie about u abused her if you put her into a nursing home. go to the police and made a police report staying that. get a lawyer or legal aid close to you.don't be scared/nor nervous when you go to see them. take witness with you that can back u p your statements/

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I agree that you should handle this aggressively, It's a matter of self-defense.

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I'm praying for you in this situation, as I've been through similar false accusations. Someone called DPS, but it didn't go anywhere from there. My parent has serious Personality Disorders, and it's hard to take. She does have her "hero allies," though, which is worse, and adds gasoline to her fire. The old cronies believe her, and discredit her diagnosis. Lord, help us all!

I received a letter from the Department of Family Services saying that we "abused, neglected and abandoned" my elderly mother and they want to talk to us. What do I do now?

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