Abuse of carer. Any advice?

When he's in his "mean and nasty" phase, just walk away, and tell him you'll come back another day when he's not so hateful. You don't owe this man anything, so not sure why you're tolerating his behavior.
And why did you let him know where you moved to? Perhaps you need to move again, and this time don't let him know where.

You feel taken advantage of because your are being taken advantage of, and only you can stop the pattern. Decide today that you won’t tolerate even a moment of rudeness, that you’ll walk away each time it happens. You have a kind and caring nature, otherwise you wouldn’t be providing care for someone you’re not related to, but often it’s the exact personality type that gets walked all over. You have worth and value and shouldn’t accept anything but good behavior while trying to help. He’s not changing, but you sure can

What are you getting out if this unhealthy relationship? You are being abused and stalked by this person.

You describe yourself as a decent person, but I would say you are more of a saint.
You say you won't walk away but you probably should
While you are showing this man great kindness, you are not treating yourself that way. At the very least, explain to him you won't stand for it anymore. Maybe you can look into what assistance you can find him to relieve the burden on yourself and maybe transfer your role into being a neighbor friend.
If he is treating you badly and seeing you still stick around it will get worse
You are clearly a very good person, it saddens me that this is what you get in return.

I am assuming because you wrote "several hundred km away" that you don't live in the States? So we aren't familar with the services you have there. Seems you may have been helping him before and moved away to get away from him? Then he moves near you?

You need to stand your ground with the Medical people. Tell them you are not related, you are his neighbor doing him a favor. You are not paid to be his Caregiver. That you don't need them berating you.

Then you need to set boundries with him. There must be services out there, research them. Then give him the list and start backing off. If he wants you to do something and its a service on the list, tell him to call that number. We have senior transportation here in the US, if you do, have him use it. Make his doctors aware that you no longer will be helping him and why. Tell them they will need to find services to help him.

Has he promised you he'll leave you in the Will or compensate you in some way? If so, is it really worth it? Like said, when he starts to abuse you walk out. If you have the nerve and he starts this in public, leave him and tell him find his own ride home. This would be hard for me to do but when I got him home I would leave him at the front door and tell him not to call me again. He needs you more than you need him. His abuse has to stop.

We have Adult Protection Services (APS) here in the US. If you have something similar, call them and ask that they evaluate your neighbor for services. Tell them he relies on you too much and you need to back off.

If your from the UK we have a few members. Country mouse being one of them who works with clients every day. Its about 5 pm her time so she should be on later.

" He knows I'm a decent person who won't walk away and abandon him"

I'd explore this belief of yours that a person who would walk away is NOT decent with someone who is impartial -- say, a therapist.

Notevenrelated, having personal boundaries and not accepting abuse has nothing to do with being a decent person.

How did you let it happen? Do you own the property that he lives in?

You can tell him that you will not be his scratching post and as much as it goes against your nature, you will completely disconnect from him if he doesn't stop with the abuse.

You can change this situation by standing up and stop being his doormat. Sorry, I don't think that laying down for his abusive treatment makes you a decent person, it makes you a doormat.

He doesn't think that you are a decent person, he thinks you are an easy target. Don't give him credit for believing anything good about you.

Two words for you. Just stop!

You must like this arrangement! Otherwise you would do something to end it. I would suggest counseling for you so that you can find out why you seek and perpetuate this type of treatment.

Imho, something seems amiss here, i.e. this gentleman seems to be controlling your life.

Are you somehow related to this elderly neighbor? BC that is not normal behavior for random strangers. Sounds like you need to make it clear that you and your property are off limits.

There really is no answer for you.
You know what you need to do.
Personally I think this person is a stalker.
I think this person is an abuser.
BUT you are allowing it to happen.
BUT until you stop letting yourself be abused and stalked NOTHING will change.
I does not matter what all this advice says until you set boundaries.
Until you remove yourself from the situation
The same thing will continue to happen.
Talking to a therapist to determine why your self esteem is the way it is, why you allow this to happen MIGHT help.
OH, we are not the ones to "rant" to. It is the person that has put you in this position.

a few thoughts to add to those already written…..he probably was this way before he became elderly. He picks his victims because that is what he does. So, setting a boundary for your interactions with him and others is important for you. For my mom, I stated that I was there to help her but not to live her life. I clearly stated what I would do and not do. I would not be her nurse but I would get her medical assistance and be her advocate for appointments. I would not force her to eat, to take meds, to exercise and sleep sufficiently because she has a Do Not Revive, however, I told her that when she decides to not do healthy behaviors, I would call Senior services or 911 and have them evaluate her. It was up to her. I asked her for agreement to these in exchange for my involvement in her life. She agreed and we proceeded from there. Mom’s dementia stage allows her to understand boundaries and it is amazing when I am calm and unflustered. I just walk away and she comes around. We treat people how to treat us. It is hard. Look for books on co-dependency which is where another person creates a drama for you to step in a “save” them. That person is a dependent (wants to be served) and you are the co-dependent who steps in and saves but is rarely appreciated because dependents love being served and creates opportunities to be served.

Call Adult Protective Services. He needs a paid caregiver and you do not need to suffer his abuse. Otherwise, contact his doctors privately and explain the situation, His doctors should be able to provide him with medication to calm his anxiety/agitation and also recommend other options.

I'm glad the OP felt better for having had a rant. Since it looks like she or he isn't coming back again that's probably the best we can hope for.

Give yourself time off. Give him a “time out.” Only then can you reevaluate whether you want to let this person in your life. It sounds like this relationship is unhealthy for you.

You appear to be a very kind person, but you are forgetting to be kind to yourself.

We all only have one life. Use yours to spend time around people that make you feel happy, or at least appreciated.

You should start with having him start hiring some help and. Not have him depend on you for everything.
You also need to nip it in the bud, if he starts being rude to you.
You might even start having talks with him about checking out some assisted living places as you'll not be there forever.

Why do it if you are not being paid. I am not certain of your motives, or why his family is not caring for him. In fact, the person you are helping can start accusing you of stealing and abusing. Or worse yet--his FAMILY will, then some agency will be knocking on your door accusing you of nasty things.

In life the very people you try to help will turn on you.

I would not not do it.

You are being very kind and thoughtful to be caring for your neighbor. But you also must think about your own needs. Are you his official Power of Attorney? Do you want to be? Does he have any relatives who can also help with his care? Plan for your own future and needs. Talk with your neighbor honestly about how much you can help him and how you want to be treated. You are letting him dominate you. You also have some say in the matter.

Why won't you walk away?

Unless you make up your mind to change the way you act/react, this situation will never change.  You are in a narcisstic relationship with this person.  Who will never change and continue to make you feel you are at fault.  You either make the change and don't look back, get a therapist to help you make the change, or live with this role until he dies. 
Only YOU can change these dynamics.  Only YOU can decide to make life better for yourself.
Best wishes and therapy is great for this change as you don't want to or should carry any guilt around ending this relationship.  It is unhealthy and you have the right to have joy and be treated as a decent human being.
Good luck!

First, you are a neighbor - not a paid person or blood family. You have NO obligations and if he starts with bad behavior, I personally would not hold back - I'd really let him have it and then immediately walk away and stop doing anything at all. Set definite black and white boundaries which, if ignored, will cause your leaving at once and he will be on his own. I took care of friend for 28 years - most of them fine - but when she got nasty and caused problems, I would tell her off and leave. Within days she would beg me to come back and I did - if she behaved - she was good soul but my body and soul were worn out and I couldn't handle the outbursts and realized I did NOT deserve them and had to take care of myself - and I did. Worked out well. It is hard but do it. Or seek outside help for him and let them take over.

If he’s hurting you maybe it’s time to walk away, he’s taking your kindness for weakness to take advantage of, you only have one life to life, you won’t win any prize for allowing yourself to be abused

Again, unsure why so many put themselves in the role of martyr in order to accept abuse and to then state, afraid to walk away. It is almost as one feels guilty unless being mistreated. This has to be a psychological issue to just allow these things to occur while stating you feel trap. The person is not a relative yet you are doing this with what in mind? Sorry, but people do not just get over abuse and now that you set yourself up- this undoubtedly will remain in your psyche if and when the person passes on, then it becomes your cycle of living later with why you chose to do this which is not adding to your development. You do not desire an answer, other than that you might desire to get therapy and look at your motivation for doing this type of self-abuse. Also, if this person has any relatives at all, whether you know it or not, they can easily come for all legal rights and claims, and all you have been is a punching bag, be careful all have one life to live and people choose certain types to render their ugliness on, while others retain self-respect and create boundaries which means you mater as well.

If this man isn't demented, perhaps you should have a "come to Jesus" conversation with him to let him know this behavior is NOT acceptable, and you WILL quit helping him if it continues.

SAME POSITION AND I NEED HELP WITH MY OWN LIFE

As you titled this- it is abuse on you.
Sounds like a mean phase may be a medical issue.
Or he needs someone to stomp on to feel powerful, that his health isn't declining.

What would happen if you said either pay you or you can't drive him to medical appt? What if you walked out of the house when he started a rant?

You NEVER deserve to feel hurt. Take an initiative and speak back or walk off. See what happens, he will either hear you and treat you better because he has no one else, or he will freak worse, which is your cue to move away or lock your doors and never see him again.
You are not his puppet. He is wrong. Not paying you is shameful.

When he gets started - stop him in his tracks and say - why would you say something like that to the one person who is trying to help you. It hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that. ---if you don't get an answer or any look of remorse ---- then you move on to: Give the name and number of someone who you think will be kinder to you so I can call them and have them manage these tasks for you. I'm going home. When you think you can be nice, I'll be back. Or if you think of someone who you would prefer to do all this for you, let me know.

The good news is that you recognize abuse. He may have Dimentia or
Alzheimers . Elder Services may be able to help you have him tested. There are two lives that matter here.
Not just his . You might find strength in the program of Co-dependents anonymous. I did. If he is ill, he will eventually require 3 nurses on 8 hour shifts. Do you want to be there ?