It's not the first time he's scared her. He busts in on her all the time. The women who work in the hall say "We're sorry. We gave him something to calm him down."Meanwhile, my mother is crying and begging me to "please please please" help her and saying she wants to die. She thinks he is going to attack her. He gets angry. Today is Sunday and I'll be back here first thing tomorrow to talk to a manager. What should I expect?
My MIL occasionally told me things going on in her LTC that were 0% true because I first checked on it (and also because some were just totally outrageous).
Even if your Mom has "never" talked about anything like this before, there's always a first time.
If it is true then definitely talk to the manager/admins first. Ask what they intend to do about it and when, then follow up soon after. I would think about putting a camera in her room going forward. Not sure if you need permission to do this, every state has differing rules on this.
"We gave him something to calm him down."... the staff doesn't do stuff like that, only that resident's doctor can prescribe medications and then appropriate have authority to dispense it to residents. I think HIPAA laws would prevent the manager from divulging what this resident "was given" but I would definitely relate the story that the staff supposedly "gave him something to calm him down".
I wish you success in sorting through info in order to protect your Mom.
2. The "offender" should be in an area where he and his room can be monitored so if he does wander around he can be redirected.
If this is a new resident it may be possible that he is a Registered Sex Offender. You can ask the Facility Administration what their policy is to notify POA's and what their policy is to notify POA's, Guardians and family of the status of a new resident.
In some States it is required that residents are notified if a Registered Sex Offender moves in. In other States the requirement is that you are advised that you can look on line. Check your State to verify what the policy is about notification.
I would also let the administration know that if this happens again you will file a Police Report. It would be Physical assault, possibly sexual assault and psychological abuse.
And ... you have left your mother in this facility ... and this has happened before?
You are waiting until tomorrow to discuss this with the manager?
You and the facility could be held legally liable.
Someone needs to take control of this situation on behalf of your mother; even if she becomes a ward of the state if no one else can manage her care.
Report this facility to the licensing board that manages them.
Contact Adult Protective Services.
Sue the man's family for harassment and whatever else you can sue them for - contact an attorney yesterday.
What you may get from memory care is a promise of more close monitoring, even that this gentleman may be leaving their care upon further incidents.
There is no reason that you cannot seek now another facility for your mother, but these stories due to extreme confusion in MC are quite common, as you will understand if you've been on this Forum for a bit.
It's always very difficult and there are seldom perfect answers.
All patients and residents have rights in a care and clinical setting. One such right is safety. The facility needs to do more than just give some demented or mentally ill predator a pill. Your mother needs to be moved to a different room in a different part of the facility. From what you're saying, this is not the first time this sort of thing has happened or the first time your mother hasbeen scared or intimidated by this man. Go to the police and file a report. Then report this to the state's Ombudsman's Office. The offending resident needs to be kicked out of that memory care facility. They'd find him another place if the money stopped flowing in for him, so they can make another arrangement for him to be moved somewhere else.
Don't let the facility brush it off as just another day in memory care because they will try to. You have to go on the offensive. Either the demented predator stalking (yes, it's stalking) your mother is medicated into oblivion to keep him under control, or he is moved. Don't let them give you the run around.
And I hope the person who posted about trying to help his neighbor's registered sex offender brother will see this and understand why this is not so simple to accomplish, and stop trying to get the man placed.
On the other hand, it's possible that the man could be calmed down with a regular daily prescription or two to quell and calm his behavior, rather than just something when he acts up. Sometimes families don't realize that this is possible (not always, but often) because there hasn't been good coordination between them, the doctors, and the facilities. The care manager should be proactive with this.
And sometimes it is necessary to require that a resident leave a facility.
BlueHeron, please let us know how this has worked out for you and your mother.
It startled that woman to pieces. So I understand the kind of activity that happens in a dementia home. Some of it is scary and some of it is bad enough for police and so forth. None of it is rosy. It's a noisy place.
Right this very minute, my mother is continuing to angrily complain about her clothes not being new enough, her meal portions not being small enough, and how she doesnt want to play Bingo. She hates "that ugly man". She is still grumbling about how she can't die soon enough. This last stroke really made her more emotional. Anger and sadness. Oddly, her hallucinations are GONE since the stroke (after 8+ years of having them) and her delusions arent as strong. (What the hey?? Maybe it's due to the olanzapine that was started months ago, maybe the stroke itself damaged the hallucination part of the brain, I'll never know.)
We have an appointment with a new nurse practitioner on Monday. I just LOVE how providers come and go. Hopefully mom will consent to get in my car for that. She's already maxed out on anti-depressants, and on an anti-psychotic. A stint with a benzodiazapine prescription a few years ago made her run around. The nurse might have some new ideas for comfort, but as far as dementia and strokes and memory cares are concerned, I think everything is going just about as "normal" as it possibly can. Until the next emergency.