I read a lot of posts by women who are at the end of their rope taking care of spouses who are difficult to take care of. I wonder what keeps them motivated taking care of someone who has a host of behavioral issues.
It could be a lot of these women do not believe in divorce. Either because they know God would not let them divorce, or because they were born at a time when divorced was frowned upon in society, or both. They can live separately, but cannot separate what God has joined. Sadly, a lot of guys change after marriage and misuse their status as head of household because they know the woman is not free to walk like when not married.
The key here is " a lot of guys change after marriage". And as such, you should be able to divorce them. They are not the men you traded vows with. He is to cherish you as much as you cherish him.
I am divorced after a 5 yr marriage that I ended up feeling like a slave and he committed adultery. A year after my divorce I married a good man that I feel God put into my path. He has stood beside me thru thick and thin. How could this marriage not be blessed.
Is there any chance Medicaid would look at such a divorce as being a means of transferring/hiding assets (assuming the divorce takes place within 5 years of needing Medicaid)?
Hi Bob, Long time no correspondence. Yes, you are correct according to our Estate Attorney, however, if you divorce, divide property and no longer live together, you'd be safe in the state of VA. We were told the way it would look like you were shielding assets would be if you continued to live together. We decided that we'd throw the dice for the 5 yr look-back, on the Trust, and no longer buy anything as Joint-Owners. I now jokingly, refer to myself as a tenant in her house. We know how to keep our sense of humor. I hope the New Year is off to a good start for you. We're down to 104 days until our Alaska Cruise.
My mom has end-stage Alzheimer's and I've been caring for her over 10 years. She is now at the very end stages of it. Her condition has crippled me both financially and emotionally..as severe worry, anxiety and depression are my constant companions... but I love my mom more than life itself. So I don't mind caring for her. She deserves to live in the comfort and familiarity of her own home that I would never even consider a nursing home. When she dies I do not know how I will cope, but since I wake up in the morning and still breathe looks like I will have to. It's a sink or swim life.
As for marriage..the vows say for better or worse..in sickness and in health. maybe these women who stay married to someone with Alzheimer's loves their spouse. However, due to reasons similar to insanity, a lawyer would have to Petition the Court for a Divorce decree. STATE laws vary how this is done. https://www.familydivorcelaw.com/kane-county-divorce-attorney/divorce-when-a-spouse-has-dementia
Well, here is a perhaps cold but practical advise for everyone out there about to go on a long Carers journey. Get divorced. Do it together while the person who will need care still is cabable of making rational decisions That way the care expenses only comes out of their assets and income and, having less opens up a lot more government paid services. You keep all your money for your needs and old age you can still live under the same roof and still get their POA to make sure the right decisions and care is given to them. Use the system to both your advantages
I don't think this is cold. Its becoming a reality. More woman have joined the workforce in the last 50 yrs. Why shouldn't they protect what they have worked for.
demstress, usually if a spouse has Alzheimer's, that spouse would still need to be able to understand the legal documents for a divorce. If the spouse is unable, then one needs to seek other means of the spouse being care for.... such as memory care or a nursing home. Thus, divorce is not reachable.
When the behavior gets too much some opt for an AL or LTC if they can't afford a AL. You then apply for Medicaid.
As a "Community" spouse you will not become impoverished. Your living expenses are considered. The example I give is my GFs parents. Dad needed LTC. They had 60k in savings plus SS and pension. The 60k was split between her parents. The mother stayed in the house, had her car. Not sure how they split up the SS or pension but Mrs. R never seemed to have any problems money wise. Oh, his half of the 30k had to be spent down before Medicaid took over.
Divorce? You may want to talk to a lawyer to see what your best options are. One versed in Medicaid. I would think DH would become a ward of the state if you divorce. You will have no say in his care.
Sadly, a lot of guys change after marriage and misuse their status as head of household because they know the woman is not free to walk like when not married.
I am divorced after a 5 yr marriage that I ended up feeling like a slave and he committed adultery. A year after my divorce I married a good man that I feel God put into my path. He has stood beside me thru thick and thin. How could this marriage not be blessed.
Long time no correspondence. Yes, you are correct according to our Estate Attorney, however, if you divorce, divide property and no longer live together, you'd be safe in the state of VA. We were told the way it would look like you were shielding assets would be if you continued to live together. We decided that we'd throw the dice for the 5 yr look-back, on the Trust, and no longer buy anything as Joint-Owners. I now jokingly, refer to myself as a tenant in her house. We know how to keep our sense of humor.
I hope the New Year is off to a good start for you. We're down to 104 days until our Alaska Cruise.
As for marriage..the vows say for better or worse..in sickness and in health. maybe these women who stay married to someone with Alzheimer's loves their spouse. However, due to reasons similar to insanity, a lawyer would have to Petition the Court for a Divorce decree. STATE laws vary how this is done. https://www.familydivorcelaw.com/kane-county-divorce-attorney/divorce-when-a-spouse-has-dementia
That way the care expenses only comes out of their assets and income and, having less opens up a lot more government paid services. You keep all your money for your needs and old age
you can still live under the same roof and still get their POA to make sure the right decisions and care is given to them. Use the system to both your advantages
As a "Community" spouse you will not become impoverished. Your living expenses are considered. The example I give is my GFs parents. Dad needed LTC. They had 60k in savings plus SS and pension. The 60k was split between her parents. The mother stayed in the house, had her car. Not sure how they split up the SS or pension but Mrs. R never seemed to have any problems money wise. Oh, his half of the 30k had to be spent down before Medicaid took over.
Divorce? You may want to talk to a lawyer to see what your best options are. One versed in Medicaid. I would think DH would become a ward of the state if you divorce. You will have no say in his care.