What started as a fall with a broken femur has now turned into my 88 year old father in ICU. He has had heart issues, stroke, broken hip. Recently some short term memory loss and mobility issues. Nothing we haven't been able to work around. 11 days ago he fell and broke his femur. After surgery his health has declined. He now is in ICU and is on a vent to breath, high doses of heart medication for blood pressure. He has flatlined 3 times and has had a seizure, one lung is collapsed and ribs broken from CPR. Today, he is stable but no responses. He is still on quite a bit of sedation. I have been his go to person for everything. He still lives alone by his choice but I am very close by. I'm having a very hard time with what comes next. What now? Have we done everything we can to save him? Is this really what he wants? Am I just wishful thinking out of my own selfishness because I don't want to lose him? I'm missing the many phone calls throughout the day. I'm feeling guilty when I'm not there and when I'm there I'm feeling guilty for not taking care of things at home. It's all so confusing.