My aunt, 91 is my mother’s twin sister and lives alone in her house with some assistance for shopping and cleaning. She is fiercely independent, walks everywhere, manages her finances and refuses to consider assisted living or downsizing. I am her closest family relative and I live 2 hours away in another state. This year she is struggling with short term memory problems and was diagnosed by a neurologist with MCI. He recommended an aide but she doesn’t want anyone she doesn’t already know. She has long term care insurance but they say she is not eligible to start using it yet (must have a diagnosis of dementia or need assistance with 2 out of 6 ADL’s). The biggest problem she is having (there are others but this is the one I have been dealing with most recently) is that she keeps overflowing her bathtub. She refuses to take showers in spite of all the reasons why it is safer, better, etc. she just refuses to change her habits. It seems so simple to just stay in the bathroom while the water is on, yet she can’t seem to do that. She turns it on and then leaves to feed the cat, make the bed, get the paper, make coffee, Next thing you know the tub is overflowing. We have tried timers. She doesn’t hear them ( hearing aides are not in her ears and that’s another story). A timer worn around her neck? She forgets to put it on. We have even tried a portable bathtub inside the bathtub ( the idea was it could overflow but the tub drain would still be open). This didn’t work because the portable tub is too difficult and unsafe for her to get in and out of without help. Someone suggested a faucet with a sensor the automatically shuts off but that would require opening up the entire bathtub wall to change the plumbing and would be a major bathroom renovation. The obvious solution is shower, aide, supervision. How do I get her to agree to make some changes? I am ready to disable the tub drain so she can’t close it! She has completely ruined the ceiling in her family room and I am now starting to notice a mildew smell. Any ideas would be welcome!
My bathtubs can not overflow because of these drains. She may have plugged them if she likes to sit neck deep in a tub. It is well worth checking out and asking about modifying them to help with her bad habit.
I would also be very concerned about the subflooring. This can rot from continuous exposure to water and the weight of a full tub and a human could go right through it. Maybe she will listen if she thinks she can fall through the ceiling if the water overflows continue.
At her age you are not going to get her to change how she bathes, it is a loosing battle. I have a friend that is a tub gal and she refuses to take a shower, she will not bathe if she can't use the tub, she was almost drowned as a child and has a fear of water running over her face (this is information that she doesn't share with her children, so they don't know why she is adamant about tubs), so you want to be mindful that she may have a very legitimate reason for not doing showers.
Best of luck getting her to accept an aide to help around the house, but please do not try to make her change her bathing choice. That could be part of the resistance.
Years ago I cared for a resident in a LTC facility who was afraid of showers so we made sure that his Care Plan stated that he was to only take a tub bath and that no one was to ever suggest or force him to take a shower. He was a Jewish tailor who lost his family during the Holocaust--they were gassed while taking a "shower". He survived because he could sew uniforms from blankets for the German soldiers.
If you are her durable PoA, I think you are at a juncture where you need to do what she needs, not what she wants. This won't be popular, as you already know. You are not obligated to be her live-in caregiver. A reputable agency can help provide an experienced caregiver who is experienced in getting someone like her to bath or shower. Maybe. You will need to decide how much energy you are willing to expend to keep her in her home where she is less and less "independent" with each passing week.
If you are not her PoA, it will be pretty much impossible to legally make her do anything in her own best interests. You will need to pursue guardianship through the courts to be able to do that. If you don't do it, then you will need to call her county APS and report her as a vulnerable adult. The county will eventually become her guardian and then they will call all the shots of her care and where she resides and manage all her assets. You can still visit her and carry on your relationship, if they place her somewhere close. Please be careful about wearing yourself out in this situation as long-distance caregiving is strenuous and stressful. There are no "wrong" decisions in this, just what works best for the both of you. I wish you all the best. She is blessed to have you helping her!