79-yo Mom lives alone, cannot hear, refuses driver refresher course, not understanding new ideas & refuses to discuss future planning.
Not interested in a hearing test (or hearing aid), withdrawing from all conversations (unless one-on-one) & insists everyone talks too low. Gets aggravated with me & raises voice/yells at me because she doesn’t want to talk about her hearing, the way she walks (short steps, almost like ice skating), doesn’t want me to even SUGGEST her attendance at local senior center (lots of activities). She doesn’t want to be with ‘those old people’. I’m concerned as she eats most meals out at local diner or restaurant. She talks about waitstaff as if they are her family, stays there as late as 11pm & has asked me to end my visit so she can ‘go get something to eat’ at the diner. I’m concerned as she doesn’t use 15-20% tip rule (gives what she feels like & doesn’t care, even though she has reverse mortgage & doesn’t have any money) and talks to waitstaff about my family’s personal affairs (like waitstaff are her confidants or close personal friends). I’m concerned as she doesn’t have personal boundaries, and literally starts to talk to EVERYONE she meets at the store, getting in the car, etc. She’s never had (or has) friends & I get that she’s lonely. But does NOT want my suggestions (about local senior center) and other options to meet/talk/do things with people her age. She told my husband, while the three of us were together, that she’s “not going to listen to her” (meaning ME) about anything. How to deal with this?
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But, the way she is walking would concerns me. My Mom walked in short little steps like she was afraid she'd fall. At 79, she really should have a full physical. There are lots of things that show signs of Dementia but aren't. Being hard of hearing is one thing. Potassium levels another. Dehydration. Diabetes. Thyroid.
Um.
I assume they're the wrong sort of social workers to be of any help?
All the same. You can't possibly have avoided all contact with the kinds of organisations you can look to for help, can you?
Meanwhile. Over what period of time have you noticed your mother's behaviour(s) becoming a problem? Is this sudden and recent? Gradual, but now getting worse, faster? Oddly, it's the gait that's the reddest flag (well spotted, by the way). Do you have contact details for your mother's doctor to report this and the rest of it?
I have a dear friend that has never met a stranger, talks to everyone that crosses his path, some people are short and put out, others appreciate the kind word and being acknowledged.
This is a long journey, picking your battles early is really important for your sanity. Let her find her own social outlet, she isn't hurting anything and it makes her happy.
Remember it hasn't been all that long ago when people actually interacted with one another and knew there neighbors and grocery clerks, it is normal to be friendly and open, just not in the 21st century. Our seniors have seen so much self isolation of the human race and technology, but it is still foriegn to them.
If so, you can send him/her a brief note with your observations of your mothers dangerous behaviors. The doctor cant contact you unless mom has signed a release for you to be made privy to her medical information, but you can and should share what you see with the doctor.
Unless your mother has been declared incompetent, she can make her own poor choices. YOU have no legal obligation to support those choices and no obligation to give her money or financially support her.
You may need to wait until she falls, is injured or hospitalized and then make the social workers at the hospital aware of her inability to live alone.
Do NOT take her into your home. That way lies madness.
How frustrating this must be for you. Hugs.
Your mother's putting her back up when you try to help, getting defensive and "Bolshie" (= uncivilly mutinous, it's an old-fashioned term but the only one I can think of that seems to cover it) - what was your relationship like before, before and after your father passed away? I'm wondering if this prickliness is also a symptom, or a continuation.