After my father was declared incompetent by his doctor, I moved the guns out of the house to a safety deposit box "so they wouldn't be stolen while the house was left empty when he was in the hospital". Then I filed down the firing pin in a revolver so it wouldn't fire and returned it to him as his single defensive weapon. I also installed a security system with panic buttons for Mom and Dad.
If your father has cognitive problems, it's very likely no explanation is ever going to satisfy him.
Close, I have gone through very similar circumstances with my folks. They lived in the country, had dementia, many health problems, loaded guns lying around and dad was driving around getting lost. And mom was getting scammed on the phone and trying to send crooks money.
You have already done lots for your folks to help them but I don’t see this as being sustainable for much longer. With my folks I eventually had to intervene. Got the guns out, got control of the money and bills, disabled the car then moved it away and finally got them moved to assisted living.
Mind you this was not done in a few days and wasn’t as easy as one two three, it was a hard fought battle that took over a year of cajoling, pleading, fibbing, by any means necessary.......It was finally a crises where mom was hospitalized after a bad fall that forced the move.
I understand there are many different situations. You may able to keep them home until the end, but not unless you get control of the car, guns and money.
This reminds me: When my daughter (lifelong sleep talker and sleep walker) was pregnant with her first child, she would sometimes get up in the middle of the night and start yelling at her husband. He was laughing about one of her more fiery rants, when I asked him, “______, where is your gun?” I remember that his eyes got big, and he said, “In the night stand.” I told him to take it out of there and hide it. He did.
It just isn’t easy but know you did the right thing. I had to get rid of my husbands gun and it caused a lot of problems. he is now just about over it. Comes up every once in awhile but he quickly forgets. He was so angry about things that had been taken away. Guns money license so forth. Finally got him on a medication he takes at nite the helps keep him less angry. The doctors say that antipsychotics shorten life but why would someone want to live for ever angry. Things are much better. He still gets into a ‘rant’ every once I awhile but not so often. Blessings to you
My grandfather with dementia gave up driving with not too much of a fight. But he remained mad about us taking the guns out of the house until the day he died.
He had macular degeneration too, and the dementia caused him to hallucinate. He thought people were looking in the windows. One time called the cops because “there’s people dancing on the roof”. At first we thought we’d just unload them, but after he called the police, we worried he’d be outside waving a gun and risk getting shot by police. He kept saying he needed his guns if someone broke in the house. They lived in a safe neighborhood and lived 5 minutes from their town’s police station!
We kept telling him it was due to his bad eyesight. Can’t aim if you can’t see the target, so no point. As his dementia progressed he’d mention it less, but it still always bothered him. There wasn’t much we could do about it but let him just be mad.
I don't know the answer here but if you choose to let a gun either pin removed or unloaded in the house let his local police department know. It may depend on the area he lives in, a smaller town and department is likely to be better than a big city for this but having been a police & 911 dispatcher I can tell you that it is often possible and appreciated by the department for them to make a note of it either on their computer screen or wherever they do it and inform the officers so if there is a call to his house the dispatcher would remind the officers who had already be told that he has some medical issues and while he has a gun it is not operational or a threat. You might even give them a good description of the gun so that if he is wielding it in his demented state they know it is the gun he was expected to have.
The other person you might ask to be the first to bring it up is his PC or neurologist. Just a thought.
I have no advice about stratgies to make the guns safer. But I'm certain others here have said the same: Unfortunately, there is no getting him to understand, really. Not for the long term. You may find a way to reach him momentarily, but it will likely come back, as fresh and brand new as if you've never had the conversation. The past 3 years caring for my mother have been an adventure, and from her point of view, I'm always butting in, finances, home maintenance and repair, her health. And I've fully accepted her unhappiness about it all. I've learned to 1) do the right thing (whatever it is in whatever situation), 2) let her fuss out her frustration and even anger, and 3) try not to take it personally, don't engage arguments, let it roll off and keep pushing, because of item 1. If she gets too spicy, I tell her firmly that's not nice, don't speak like that, but just go about my business. Wishing you strength, patience, and luck!
If your father has cognitive problems, it's very likely no explanation is ever going to satisfy him.
You have already done lots for your folks to help them but I don’t see this as being sustainable for much longer. With my folks I eventually had to intervene. Got the guns out, got control of the money and bills, disabled the car then moved it away and finally got them moved to assisted living.
Mind you this was not done in a few days and wasn’t as easy as one two three, it was a hard fought battle that took over a year of cajoling, pleading, fibbing, by any means necessary.......It was finally a crises where mom was hospitalized after a bad fall that forced the move.
I understand there are many different situations. You may able to keep them home until the end, but not unless you get control of the car, guns and money.
he is now just about over it.
Comes up every once in awhile but he quickly forgets. He was so angry about things that had been taken away. Guns
money license so forth. Finally got him on a medication he takes at nite the helps keep him less angry. The doctors say that antipsychotics shorten life but why would someone want to live for ever angry. Things are much better. He still gets into a ‘rant’ every once I awhile but not so often.
Blessings to you
He had macular degeneration too, and the dementia caused him to hallucinate. He thought people were looking in the windows. One time called the cops because “there’s people dancing on the roof”. At first we thought we’d just unload them, but after he called the police, we worried he’d be outside waving a gun and risk getting shot by police. He kept saying he needed his guns if someone broke in the house. They lived in a safe neighborhood and lived 5 minutes from their town’s police station!
We kept telling him it was due to his bad eyesight. Can’t aim if you can’t see the target, so no point. As his dementia progressed he’d mention it less, but it still always bothered him. There wasn’t much we could do about it but let him just be mad.
The other person you might ask to be the first to bring it up is his PC or neurologist. Just a thought.
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