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Hello all,

I'm not sure if this is really a question or just a cry for help and/or feedback. My partner and I are in a difficult situation with my great-aunt. My partner (my aunt's friend - no blood relation) has POA for healthcare. My aunt's friend (90 yrs. old and has long managed my aunt's finances) has POA for finances.

Even as I read this, I can see what a mess this could become - and already is, to some extent.

The bottom line is that my aunt is deteriorating, with a general decline, and dementia. She is being evaluated today by a nurse for possible hospice care. We've tried to involve the friend w/ financial POA in this, and she has responded angrily, says she does not have POA for anything, and insinuates that we are trying to put something over on my aunt. As I write this, I am getting clarity, so thanks for listening, those of you who've read this far.

My partner and I are the primary caregivers, and frankly, we are stressed, exhausted and very concerned about my aunt. She is well over 100, still living alone, and slipping by the day. A nephew is here visiting, and the three of us are trying to mobilize more care, and hospice is a start. Have I said that my aunt is very mistrustful, in general, and becoming delusional and paranoid?

As I read over my own post, I see that, regardless of the drama here, we need more care for my aunt. period. And partner and I need to set boundaries and take care of ourselves. period. How this unfolds may be rocky and crazy, but it will have to happen. We may have problems getting any financial resources unlocked in case we need in-home care, but I guess that is tomorrow's problem. If someone does have POA, but denies it, we may need to consult our own attorney. If any of you would like to throw hugs our way, we could sure use them. Thanks all! Catlover (Sheryl)

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Thanks everyone for your great responses! We are very happy with hospice, and my aunt actually opened up to the nurse yesterday, who she met for the first time! We are so relieved and grateful for these small victories; it's been a long time coming.

Turns out the other friend really is financial POA, even though she first thought she wasn't; and we've consulted the lawyer who first established the POAs to begin with. It's still messy there, but it will get sorted out. Ideally, partner or myself with become financial P.O.A. (as you said ba8alou!), as we're both in our 50s, not aged 90, and responsible and engaged daily with aunt's affairs. I didn't mention this, but 90 yr old's adult daughter is in the mix, telling us not to contact her mother. (I used to think only dysfunctional families could get this crazy, but dysfunctional friends can do.) It's like earning a doctorate in crisis-management. Thanks all - we are on top of things, and much more hopeful and relaxes! Cat
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Cat, it sounds like you're well on your way out of the quagmire! Good luck with the attorney, sounds like your partner should be POA for both med and financial, and then there will be somewhat smoother sailing. Post back!
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Get legal advice on what to do when the person with financial POA has also lost her marbles. Oh boy! Best of luck getting this sorted out, you seem to be on top of the situation :)
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catlover~I am glad to hear she has accepted hospice care. We are here when and if you need support.
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You shouldn't have to hire any additional care to keep her at home if you're going to have hospice. They provide everything you need. Caregivers, bath aides, nurses....everything.
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sharynmarie & pamstegman -- Thanks for the hugs and the thoughtful answers -- thankfully, my aunt has accepted hospice more readily than expected, and she is now officially under their care. This is a huge huge relief on every level.

Yes, pamstegman, Medicare does cover hospice; our concern is if we need to hire any additional care, to keep her in her home. There are only two of us now doing hands-on care, and I work full-time. Thanks for note about signing P.O.A. after name. We are meeting with original attorney who wrote P.O.A., as the woman who has financial POA denies it, and doesn't want to do it - thanks for helping clarify that she needs to be removed.

Thanks again!

Sheryl
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Always sign P.O.A. after your name so you don't get billed. Hospice by the way, is a free service covered by Medicare.
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The healthcare POA has every right and responsibility to seek treatment. The financial POA has to pay those bills. Should she refuse, have her removed as she is no longer fulfilling those duties.
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Sheryl~Big Hugs to you!!! I suggest that you go to the original attorney who wrote this POA separating medical and financial with a copy of the email from the woman saying she does have responsibility for finances. I believe you that you are not abusing your your aunt finances but are trying to secure her medical care because you cannot take care of her due to her needs. It is great that you recognize you can't take care of her!! Hugs again for knowing her needs and what you can give. Let us know how things unfold.
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